When your children won't give you space - how do you deal with it?

Question

I have two children, aged nine and seven. I love them dearly and they are my world. But they seem to be going through a stage of not wanting to give me any space at all.

I cannot, for want of a better phrase, go to the bathroom, without one or both of them banging on the door, asking how long I will be, what I am doing and can they come in.

The seven year old particularly is becoming more, not less, clingy. If I sit down for a cup of tea, he is sitting on the floor, on my feet. I go into the kitchen (we only have a very small kitchen) and he follows me in and stands in the same two inches of space that I am in.

I don't want to shout at them, but I am starting to feel a little claustrophobic. I would just like five minutes space to sit a drink a cup of tea in peace. That's not too much to ask is it? :(

How would you deal with it?

Answer 1

I would set aside "me" time or a "me" space and explain to your children that during that time or when you are in that space they should let you have some "mommy time".  Sit down with them and really explain to them that people need to have some space once in a while, while not making them feel like they can't come hug you whenever they want to.

It's also way past time to instill some simple manners regarding the bathroom.  It's simply rude and unacceptable to bang on the door and bother people when they are in the bathroom and your children need to stop that behavior immediately.  You knock if the door is closed and you need to use the restroom and walk away if some answers that the bathroom is occupied.  That's just a terrible habit you've let them develop.

Answer 2

Been there done that, I think we all have as parents. I usually wait until hubby comes home from work and then go out for a drive in the car, or tell him I'm going for a bath and that the kids are down to HIM and he's to make sure they leave me alone. If that fails and you dont drive, go for a walk, anything to get away, you need it, and you have to do it, you'll go nuts if you dont.

Dont feel bad about feeling this way either, like I said, I think most parents have been there

Answer 3

This is how I solved a similar problem with one of my kids. When my daughter would insist on doing something with me every minute of the day, I would suggest that we practice her addition and subtraction tables and would immediately start asking her problems like "What's 5+9" etc. It only took a few days of this for my daughter to decide that there must be something more fun to do than hang out with Mom and do math problems. This same thing can be done with science facts, geography facts, history facts etc.

Answer 4

Try banging on the door when he's in there and show him what it's like and ask him to stop doing that to you!

Answer 5

I would tell them to go play in their room or outside or wherever for x length of time.  Or go in your room for a length of time and tell them not to disturb you for anything less than an emergency.  They are more than old enough to be able to understand that.  If they don't leave you alone for a reasonable length of time under those methods, you could always send them to sit on their beds for 15 minutes instead.  But, do make sure that you are spending a reasonable amount of time with them and aren't always too busy.

Answer 6

Im in the same boat girl, I have a 1 and 2 yr old whos dad is a truck driver and am in the middle of getting my nursing license back on line. I spend over half the day yelling, spanking and you name it iv tried it, I cant take a **** much less sit down to even attempt to drink a cup of tea, the only thing that gives me any peace is a xanax every now and then.  I just think parenting is a process we just have to pray everyday over and hope we make it through!  LOL Good luck, wish I could help but Im asking questions on this one myself!

Answer 7

Give yourself at least 30 minutes a day of alone time.... this can be accomplished by telling your children, who are old enough to be in a separate part of the house for 30 minutes, that you are taking a time out, and you cannot be interrupted unless there is an emergency. (You'll have to spell out the specifics of what constitutes an 'emergency', trust me hehe) Maybe choose a 30 minute TV show, or set them up with something fun to do and set a timer. It is very important for you and for your children that you have this time to regroup and relax. Also, the banging on the bathroom door part... my kids still do that as well, I have to constantly remind them that it's frustrating and will they please just give me 5 minutes before checking to see if I've gone down the drain. what works is when I charge them a quarter every time they knock for no good reason hehe. Hope this helps, good luck! :)

Answer 8

I would suggest you putting them both to bed by 8pm every night and sticking to it.

Then from then, you could have a couple of hours 'ME' time to do the things yo would like to do.

Answer 9

get a babysitter and go out for a few hours once or twice a week

or

go into your room for ten mins and lock the door (this is not a long term solution but it stops you screaming when you feel like you're going to explode)

Answer 10

My one year old does that, and right now there isn't much I can do about it but have her father take her while I shower, but even then she sometimes throws a fit.

Its a part of being a parent, but it's strange that they are so old and doing what my one year old does.

Answer 11

Is there a father?  What I do is put my littlest down for the night at 7:30pm(he's my angel! he has been my easiest!) Dad watches the other 2(4 & 9)While I go walking with some of my other neighbor moms.  It is "our quiet time or grown up time" I tell my children.  

Maybe if that is not possible you could schedule a sitter and go somewhere even if it was to go to a mall or eat by yourself for some you time.  You need that.  I am sure that you are an awesome mother, but time apart will make you a better mother and keep you sane!!!

Answer 12

You would be doing them a disservice *not* to do something about it.  They need boundaries.  There is no need to yell, but you should explain to them that you need some time and space to yourself, and they need to be able to entertain themselves when you ask for it.  Clear, non-threatening, communication is the key, and they are old enough to understand.

Answer 13

my kids are the same way. i wait until my hubby comes home or ask a family member for a little help. and we al;l need a moment to relax and collect our thoughts