When your older and become a parent,you learn from the mistakes and give your kids a better life?

Question

Well,I'm not sure if I'm making scenes,but this thought has been in my head for a few weeks and I wanna hear a parents opinion on this.

So I was thinking as a kid you grow up,you see the mistakes your parents make with you and you say "I won't make that mistake they did with my children" but then one day when your older you make that same mistake with your child your parent did.Cause I was talking to my grandparens about my dad and like his past.

My dad's dad(my grandpa) he wasn't around for my dad,he bailed out on him when he was little,so he grew up with his mom's boyfriends as a father figure around.Well my dad was only 17 when I was born and my grandparents told me that he always told them he'd never walk out on me and that he'd be there for me no matter what,because he always wanted to make sure I had a great childhood,better then his he said because he didn't have a great childhood and he wanted me to have a better one then he did.But when I was 1 my mom and him broke up and my mom bailed out.and lived in Connecticut,and my dad was still determinded to not make the mistake his father made with him.So my dad lived with my grandparents here in Florida,and he took care of me and did all that,but then when I turned 2 he left to go off and date some girl in a different state.Now 14 years later I have no clue where my dad is,but you can tell,even though he made a promise to not make the same mistake he still did.

In your opinion,if your parents made some mistake like that and then one day you have children,don't you wanna make sure your kids won't suffer any kinda pain you may have gone threw dealing with those kinds of issues or any kind that could make a child have a bad childhood?

Answer 1

Nikki you are so mature and well spoken and seem to be such a wonderful person and it is so sad to say that neither of your parents can take any responsibility in raising you. All I have to say is there loss. I can emagine how hard it would be to forgive them, what they did was  extremely selfish and your Mother blaming it on your Father in my opinion there both too blame maybe even her a little more. I have a son he will be 11 on Friday and yes I did not have a great childhood. My Father left when I was five and I know I make many mistakes but I try my best to be a better parent then my Mother. Even though she tried her best and did a great job you always learn from there mistakes. That is why Im shocked because you are so gracious and you did not have your parents there to teach you that. Well you must have learned to be  this way from someone so be greatful to those people. As far a forgiving your parents if you dont then I believe life will be a little tougher place for you. Forgive them and move on. Yes they made a mistake a huge one possibly one of the biggest mistakes a person could make, but dont forgive them for there benefit forgive them for yourself. To carry that much hurt around is a huge burden and is a heavy bag of bricks on your back so try to make your journey in life a little easier and forgive them so you can put that bag down and have a softer load to carry through this long journey in life. It is obvious that your parents are set in there ways and believe me one day they will be very sorry it they are not already deep down inside. Karma is a tricky thing and it comes around when we least expect it. Feel sorry for your Mother and Father because they missed out in the biggest most joyful gift God could give us. Trust me and it sounds like you are an ecceptional amazing gift so your Grandparents are the lucky ones right now. I forgave my Father a long time ago and sometimes a tear will trickle down my face because I will never know how it really feels to have a Father and then I take a step back and look at what I do have and Im just grateful to God. Im glad your parents had you because it is children like you that make the world a much better place to be. God bless you.

Answer 2

The problem with this question is that it's so much easier said than done.  Of course all parents want to do better for their kids.  They ALL do...

But life can sometimes go awry and make that impossible.  My cousin had a crappy childhood and swore to do better by his children, and when he finally had one his wife threw him out and married a new guy and refused to let him near the kids, the new dad put a shotgun in his face...what can he do? The cops wouldnt help him out and the judge denied any custody because he didnt visit, well he couldnt visit if the cops wouldnt help and the guy was going to shoot him right?  I'm sure some day that kid will come looking for my cousin with hate in  his heart....so the best of intentions dont always help

also i think what a lot of parents do not understand at all

is that what we perceive as mistakes as kids, are what is BEST for kids....

for example:

"I hate going to bed at 9, im more mature than that! I'm going to let my kids decide their own bedtime"  Well guess what....kids can't decide that on their own, they just aren't capable, parents need to make the decision for them.. period

this is such a hard question to answer because the possibilities are so endless with how to answer it

yes i think all parents want better for their kids

but they have for all time havent they?

and yet every generation keeps s******g it up

so hopes and reality are obviosly not matching up

Answer 3

you poor soul! Im forever telling my kids not to make the mistakes I made I can advise them, but I cant make them do it! But whatever happened with me I and Ive been through some really hard single parent times, having to work full time for all my kids, being on my own, struggling to get xmas in etc I would never ever walk out on them and regardless if they made a mistake I wouldnt judge them theres no point as everyone grows and learns from mistakes, its different for a man to try and bring a child up as the pressure can be far too much for them to bear, which still dont give him the right to lie to u or walk out on u, it would have been much better if he was honest with u made sure u got looked after and stayed in touch, but maybe he is totally ashamed of what he done and feels he cant face u as he made a promise he couldnt keep, who knows what goes thru someones head when in a desparate situation, u dont say what age ur now, or if u have or had a hapy childhood I hope u have Gilly x

Answer 4

Definately! My childhood was not the same as your but equally bad. My mom was murdered when I was 4 and I was given custody to my dad and step-mom...she hated me and resented me. She treated me like garabage and beat the c**p out of me and treated me like her maid, she was verbally abusive as well......finally when I was 18 I ran away and got married when I was 20. Now I am almost 29, still married and have a 4yr old son and a 2yr old daughter...Hubby and I almost got a divorce when I was pregnant with my son but I hung in there and fought to save my marriage...I did not want my son to go through what I went through...I am a Stay at home mom and full time college student and I should recieve a Bachelors in Psychology and an Associates in Early Childhood Development next December and my kids are better for it...and YES, every decision I make is so that my kids have it better than I did...even my husband...he is a Mexican Immigrant who himself has over come many struggles and obstacles to give me and our children a better life...he came to the US with nothing and has a BS in Marketing and runs a bank...we live in a gated community and have a wonderful chihuhua named Zoe Lynn....needless to say, the air I breathe is for my kids to have it a MILLION times better than we did growing up...I hope that you can find the strength to forgive but never forget, use your experience to become a great woman and mother and to help others who have suffered like we have...I think you would be a great school counseler or a child advocate or even a foster care agency worker...Good Luck Hun

Answer 5

For sure, i think that is what every parent strives for, but some people are just really selfish. Im sorry to hear about your parents.

Answer 6

WOW! you have my in tears over here because my childs father is going through the same thing.  When I got pregnant he told me that he would be a good father (unlike  his father who was on drugs most of his life and in and out of his life as well) and would be the total opposite of his father because of all the hurt he went through as a child and he would never want his daughter to go through that. WELL UNFORTUNATELY he is the clone version of his dad and he doesn't even realize it.  He is slowly but surely doing the same things to our baby that his dad did to him.  I think the way a person is brought up they go either way.  they do the total opposite or they do the same.  Thats called disfunction!  I hope you are doing ok and just know that you are loved :)