When your significant other wants to be alone what do you do?

Question

Recently my after making my fiance go to the dr. he was diagnosed with a kidney tumor requiring its removal. We live in seperate houses and it sems like he dosn't want me around to much. He says he doesn't want to be bothered with anyone but his friends come by and his mom and sisters as well. He tells me that he wishes that they would leave but he wont tell them that. He will sometimes leave where I am and go on the porch until I come out. At that point I just leave. I am trying to be helpful at this time but I dont know what I am supposed to do. Any sugesstions

Answer 1

A lot of guys want time alone when they find out bad news, and the fact that he doesn't tell his family or friends to leave him alone is probably because he is worried about making them mad, and he probably knows you will understand. doesn't make much since but I've heard it before, if y'all have been together a long time, he knows if you get mad you'll still be talking to him in an hour, family members and friends probably wouldn't be. Hopefully I explained that well.  

Answer 2

Give him his space. He probably doesn't like the people he loves seeing him the way he is. If this is his first time having a bad problem like this before, it probably made a large psychological impact also.

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Answer 3

Oh, it sounds like he may be experiencing depression.  The reason I say that is because he is withdrawing from you and his family/friends.  Because he was diagnosed with the tumor, he could be feeling new emotions and thoughts that he doesn't know how to manage.  He pushes the ones he loves away because he either wants to manage them himself, or he doesn't want to feel like he is burdening anyone.  Either way, it is extremely important that you let him know that you care very much about him and that you are going to be there to support him through this time 100%.  Be patient with him too because he may get angry or irritable if he is in fact suffering from a sort of depression.  The only way to really tell is if he gets diagnosed by a doctor.  It is very difficult to get anyone, especially men, to see a psychologist or psychiatrist, but if you could, that would be great.  Otherwise, if he feels comfortable with his current doctors, those he sees regularly for the tumor, maybe you and him could mention his home mental changes and see what they say.  There are a number of resources on the web about depression, but make sure if you consult the web that you check the sources.  The websites that are sponsored by or designed by pharmaceutical companies will try to educate you solely in hopes that you will use their medicine.  Look for national associations or local support groups for help if need be.

I am not a professional, so I can't say with any degree of certainty that this is what is going on.  But it is a possibility.  I wish you a lot of luck, and just remember that you can not control how he is feeling, but you can let him know that you are supportive and love him, even though he is feeling lousy right now.  Even if you just sit in the same room but don't say anything, your presence could be all he needs right now.

Best wishes.  

Answer 4

Is it the tumor that needs to be removed or the kidney? Perhaps you fiance needs to ask his doctor some questions regarding his post op lifestyle. Either he's depressed or he's hiding some information.