Where and how do I get information on private adoption?

Question

My husband and I have been presented with the option to adopt a child that should be born in July of 2008. The mother is a close friend of ours who has 3 children of her own and has taken in her nephew and niece. She knows that she will not be able to properly take care of the child since she already has a house full and will not be having anymore income coming in other than her own. We would all like to be able to get everything finalized before the baby is born.

My husband and I have been trying to have children and have not been very successful. We tried for awhile and became pregnant only to have a miscarriage. I am more than overjoyed to adopt this child and very glad to help my friend out. This is my first time on this site so I hope that I haven't offended anyone by the way I have worded everything but these are the words that came to mind.

Answer 1

If you are interested in a private adoption, you can do it one of two ways.  You can contact an attorney to process the paperwork, or you could contact a local adoption agency to do what is called an "identified" adoption.  This is what we did after there were some concerns with doing a private adoption across state lines and our son's special needs.  Our attorney suggested that since we had to have a licensed agency do our home study anyway that we have them proceed with an "identified" adoption for us.  It worked out to be the best because we had a huge resource of information available to us and support for the birth family if they chose it.  

You mentioned that you would like to have everything "finalized" before the child is born.  Unfortunately, you will not be able to finalize until after the child is born and post-placement studies are done to insure the child is safe.  

Good luck to you.

Answer 2

First, I don't think prebirth arrangements are legal.  In many states they are banned.  You will probably have to wait until after the birth of the child.  

I do suggest contacting a family law attorney.  You want to make sure her rights are not violated.  You also want to make sure that you and she knows the ramifications of adoption.  You also want to make sure the child's rights are not violated either.

Answer 3

You need to have a lawyer to conduct a private adoption such as this. It won't be possible to have everything finalized before the birth of the baby, I don't think, as most states give the mother some time to make sure they want to stick to the adoption plan. This amount of time varies state by state.

Answer 4

We used www.adoptionattorneys.org

Many people think that I work for them, since I recommend them so much.  I don't.  I just think that they are a great resource for US attorneys.  Many of the other sites are somewhat regional.

Answer 5

I am not going to say anything mean to you for wanting to adopt a child. I am an amother myself. However, I would like to suggest, politely, that you talk to your friend or encourage her to talk to others, to help her understand the magnitude of this decision. On the surface I know it seems very simple. You want a baby and don't have one, she's going to have a baby and doesn't feel she can take care of one, so giving the baby to you is a win-win situation. Now, I am not psychic so I cannot possibly know if the mother of this child is going to regret this decision later on, or if her child is going to suffer from being separated from its mother and being adopted. I won't try to pretend I do know that will happen. However, I think that you guys should be aware of the possibility that this will happen. Just for the sake of your friends emotional well being and for your friendship, I think you should consider not making any deals or finalizing anything until after the baby is born. This way if she does decide to keep her child, she won't feel she is obligated to you, hurting you, or ruining your friendship by keeping her child. If you are doing this as a favor to her, I'm sure you can see where giving her this space would be of benefit. If she still decides after the child is born that she does not wish to keep him/her, then at least you can say you did everything you could and your friendship will be all the better for it.

As an adoptee whose bio parents ended up parenting other children, I would also ask that you all give serious consideration to whether this is indeed in the best interest of the child. If I had found out that my mother had adopted cousins of mine, yet had given me to others, I would've felt very betrayed. Not all adoptees would feel like me, but many would. Perhaps you could find a way to help support your friend so that she can keep the child if her income is the reason she is considering giving her child away. I know it doesn't help you to become the mother of a child, but it could be really what is best for your friend and her child.

Anyways, not offended, just hoping that you and your friend will discuss some of these things to see if you can avoid some unnecessary pain in the future. :)

Answer 6

try an orphanage