Question:

Where can I get a massage in Quang Binh?

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I've had a rough day of lice wrangling and I could use some rubbin'.

Do they charge extra for a happy ending?

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Hmmm .... I heard they charge extra not to use the leeches and to leave you with both kidneys.
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Come to my house, we will make you happy.
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Me rub you long time. Just wrangle some lice for me and you can keep your Skittles. Besides, they've been in your pocket all day and are covered in lint.
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The Saigon Quang Binh Hotel has an in-room massage service. The price list is as follows:

Basic massage (no oil): 25 Dong

Massage with coconut oil: 32 Dong

Deep tissue massage: 48 Dong

Foot rub: 15 Dong

Foot rub and vigorous pumice stoning: 18 Dong

Full body massage with luxurious oil and orchid petal: 57 Dong

Happy Ending: Your passport. And US cash.
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I have a pool boy you can borrow.

Actually I don't have a pool.

I could wrangle a boy up for you, as long as you no touchy touchy.
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You could go down to the old USO club, or just have someone sent to your room. The happy ending costs 5 skittles...
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Just ask the masseuse to wash her hands first. She is also the squid rustler at the public market.
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