Where can I get professional children behavioural advice for my 12 yr son?

Question

I am not doing a very good job of parenting and need some help. He doesn't respect me enough to accept if I tell him off for something or ask him not to do something. He is also saying hurtful things to his younger brother and sister in order to wind them up or cause a reaction. He tells me to shut up. He storms off whilst throwing things or slamming things in the process. what ever I say to him about it ends up in a row including me shouting. I need him to respect what I tell him. He is so sneaky, he does things when he thinks I am not looking and then denies it. He is rude about food that I give him and doesn't appreciate how lucky he is to have food on the table. I know that a lot of the problems are because of how he is treated by me......if I shout at him he is bound to shout back at me. Don't know where to start to change things. It scares me about what he'll end up like if I don't change things now. I am a single parent, my husband was killed two and a half years ago.

Answer 1

Okay while I LOVE all the other answers and agree totally I have to ask what do you do to SHOW love or respect?  Do you spend any time together doing anything fun?

If not you need to so that you have some basis for going forward.  Start having special times. Like hey its Thursday afterschool its McDonalds time for Ice Cream Sundae.

Or its Monday evening we're going bowling.  or hiking or whatever.

Its Tuesday you are teaching me how to skateboard, or whatevr..

Whatever it is pick something and try to remember the good times you've had with him growing up until now.

Make it something special that is off limits to your critism (bite your tongue) and that is simple bridge building.  Even if there is silence during the whole time.

Answer 2

I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. Terrible parents don't seek help. Terrible parents never admit that they may have a role in the problems. You are just a stressed Mom. If you could peek into the lives of others you would see that you are not alone.

Seeking help for your family will teach your son the appropriate way to deal with problems. Talk to your doctor, minister, school social worker, or find a counselor. If you have health insurance coverage, you can ask for a referral. You obviously love and deeply care for him.

Answer 3

You know the saying.. "little kids little problems, big kids big problems"?  

I had one of those.  My daughter was very similar, and it started at about 8 years old.  I thought it was something she would grow out of, and she never did.  

When she was about 14, she started cutting school, stealing, and even got arrested for shoplifting.

We 1st spoke to our pediatrician, he then referred us to a counselor... and then we as a family went to family counseling (so the rest of us could deal with her behaviors).

I have to say that the family counseling was probably the most help of all.  My daughter is now 19, and although things are not perfect (she moved to another state with her boyfriend), at least she has more respect for us and she is now an adult and responsible for her own actions.  It is not an easy road, I won't lie to you.  But knowing that you are doing everything possible will help your own guilt.

Answer 4

Sorry but he just needs a good SPANKING b/c he is being disrespectful towards you and the rest of your family.......maybe he is taking his fathers death very hard.Watch the movie Disturbia........he may be just like that and that could lead to serious consequences and much bigger things.talk to him about his dad and if he opens up with you......that may have been his problem but if he does not then try spanking him and put him on punishment.Since his father is dead he may have felt that his dad held down the house and that he was the most dominate one in the house but you have to lay down the law.

Answer 5

I would strongly recommend family counseling - not just for him.  It sounds like you all have been through alot as a family and you need to be involved in this , not only to hear what is going on in your head, but to clear yours too.   When dealing with adolescent behavior it is very beneficial to take the "family" counseling route because you are going to be involved in the solution one way or another, better to take all of you in to clear everything up and start fresh.  

I wish you luck - you're dealing with  alot. Keep your cool, take deep breaths and get through this.  This too, shall pass...Ive been there, he'll get through this (with your help)