Where did my village go?

Question

I am raising two kids alone,no family near . I really need a village to help me raise my kids.What do I do ..where can I find one?

Answer 1

We generally find our village in places where we don't have connections by building it.   In my life I have moved from the place I was raised to 3 very different places, have no siblings and no family of mine or my husbands in this area where we are now but I have found I could build a village in each place thought one was especially hard.

Probably the best place to start to build your village is to find a small to medium sized church near you where people really care about each other not the kind where ppl just sit on pews in the same building.   You may need to visit a few to find one that really offers hope and love.   If your kids are in school or preschool check out the parents groups there.  You may find that some are there to be seen but some are there because they really do want to help their kids and other kids.  If your schedule allows volunteer to help at the school. That could be reading on a special reading day or collecting supplies for  special projects which can be done outside regular school hours or whatever you can do that needs doing.   You will get to know some of the other parents, the teachers and school personnel.  Try to get to know your neighbors of all ages.  It starts with a smile and a wave and builds from there.  The senior citizen you and your kids help catch her wandering kitten or take something from your garden or a homemade treat this week may be the person who listens as you pour out your heart next month or the one who can tell you what will fix your kids bee sting.  Find a couple of organizations in your community that help with food or other needs and volunteer a couple of hours a week preferably ones where your kids can come with you and if they are old enough can help too ...yeah I know you are busy beyond words and you need the help but as we start to get involved we find other helping ppl and start to build that village of connections.   Besides given the economy and the budget of most single moms knowing and being known by the places that help with food and other stuff could be important.  If there is something you love to do or always wished you could do (art ,music, pottery, gardening, dog training, softball, hiking, starting a magazine, whatever) there are probably others who like to do it too and someone has probably started an affordable group that you can join.   A night school class either in a job skill,basic ed or a hobby can be another way to make connections. Of course you probably don't have time to do all this choose the ones that click for you.

Your physical presence at such places will not automatically help you very much to build a village.  What you do while you are there can help much more.   Smile, speak to people, introduce yourself to at least 3 ppl (yes that is hard for some of us)  Ask questions that need more than a yes or no answer w/o prying.   For ex:  If someone is sneezy one week you can ask what do you do when the pollen is bad.  You can ask how did you come to join ___ organization or have you lived here in ___ all your life?  What sorts of changes have you seen (if yes) or How do you like it here if no.  Then really listen,comment or ask one more question.  People love someone who listens to them and they are more likely to listen to someone who has shown an interest in them.   Ask advice on something that is not an issue to you bec ppl love to tell others what to do and if you are not very emotionally invested in the issue their answers won't hurt.   Offer to be on clean up crew...o how we all do talk as we do dishes or put stuff away.  

One simple thing that I learned in a sociology class is to sit sort of just off center and to the front in any group.  It is a characteristic of humans that they see ppl on the edge of a group physically as being on the edge or outside socially and ppl in the midst of things physically as in the midst socially.  Apparently people in those conditions tend to gravitate to those positions but you can affect the way ppl see you by making deliberate choices about where you sit or stand.  The very center and most front spots "belong" to the recognized leaders so someone new who takes those is seen as "pushy" but just off center and near front tends to build image of an involved and concerned person.  Eye contact works similarly look directly at the person briefly then sort of generally at them but not direct eye contact.   Too much direct eye contact is seen as either pushy or flirty but avoiding eye contact is seen as being shifty or unfriendly.  Look up web sites or get books from the library about body language for more on this and deliberately choose to appear the way you want to be seen till it becomes natural.

I suppose you could say we build our village by starting to be part of a village for others.

Answer 2

Where can you find a village?

Where do you live?

Should you move to a city or something?

Pretty weird question to ask? I mean, you should know where a village is?

Answer 3

The village is all around you. It's up to YOU to join it.

Join a community of faith.

Join your neighborhood association -- and if you don't have one, form one.

Volunteer at the nearest school.

Organize play dates with neighborhood kids and get to know their parents.

If you give to your village, you become a member, and they will take care of you too.