Where do I go from here with cheating husband?

Question

I found out that my husband was seeing someone else 1 week before I gave birth to our 2nd son. He left for a year deployment in the Middle East when our baby was 2 months old. We both looked forward to the time apart. Both of us were hoping to sort things out with ourselves, then each other. He was with the other woman for 2 months before I found out. (she left a lovey text message on my phone by mistake, me & hubby have very similar #'s) For years I been dealing with his lies, his drinking, his not coming home w/o even a phone call till 2:00AM. But I was too naive to think it would lead to cheating. I really want to work it out for our boys sake. I'm willing to do what I need to do, what I need to change about myself. I don't think my husband is interested to changing. He walked out the door tonight without any word on where he was going. Leaving me and our 2 young sons alone again! I'm sure he'll be back sometime in the middle of the night, probably drunk. He's been home from his deployment 1 week. I just don't know where to go from here! Where do I go for help, who do I talk to??? Am I fooling myself with the idea that we can work it out???

Answer 1

My thearpist told me that staying together for the children is not the right thing to do. your emotional self worth is way more valuable then being unhappy in marriage. A happy mommy leads to  happy children even if it means being a single parent

Answer 2

I would talk to him first...try to make him see . If no results, I would go talk to the base Chaplain next, then if that gets no results or satisfaction, I would go talk to his Commanding Officer. Someone, somewhere, can get through to him. Good Luck!

Answer 3

That sucks. He knows you care more about him than he does about you. It happens, but if he were decent he would not be taking advantage of that. Yes, you both can work it out for sure but with you ending up as a doormat. Good luck, anyway.

Answer 4

You must contact his respective service. You must also contact his chaplain about counseling. You are now dealing with a loaded gun. His deployment has given him more to think about than family.

Answer 5

Are you really that shocked that he cheated?

ALL men are the same they dont know how to stay faithful

They are either already cheating or looking to cheat.

You cant trust any of them.

Answer 6

He isnt in love with you anymore.  Call a divorce lawyer quickly.

People do not cheat on people they are happy with.

Answer 7

Staying together for your kids is probably not the best solution. He's obviously not respecting you which will eventually lead to fighting and arguing, if it hasn't already. It may be better if the children avoid seeing all that while they're growing up (not to mention the drinking!). But, only you know how bad things are. I personally would never try staying with someone who cheats on me. I did once, and would never be stupid enough to again. The trust was gone and when that happened we were doomed to fail.

I'd also suggest seeing a therapist or maybe a psychiatrist. Speak to your MD and see which one they recommend.  

Answer 8

unfortunately, you are fooling yourself that this can work out. when it comes to the many lies,the drinking,the cheating..that is not what you want your sons to look at as a father figure. he has no business disrespecting you in every way,you deserve better...what woman wants 2 find out her husband's affair before birth? divorce him and never look back. good luck

Answer 9

He cheated on you.  Do you think you deserve a cheater?  Honestly.  Think about it.  And the answer to the question is that nobody of any age "deserves" to be cheated upon.  We deserve someone who can be faithful and committed to us.  If he can't provide that, move on.

Answer 10

Yes you are fooling yourself, cut your loses and get out.

Answer 11

You say you want to stay with your husband for your child's sake...why would you want to subject your child to this kind of father?  Is this the type of man you want your son to become?  For your child's sake, if your husband is not willing to change (which is what it sounds like), then leave him!  And next time, don't get pregnant unless you are with a nice man who doesn't treat you this way.

Answer 12

leave him. if he has no interest in changing this is what your life is gonna be and with two sons the best thing you can do is get them out of that situation they don't need to grow up seeing their mom being disrespected.

Answer 13

Change the locks on the door.  Take your kids and divorce him on grounds of adultery.  If nothing else, call a women's hotline and talk to a counselor and they can advise you and possibly put you and your kids in a safe house until you can figure out what you need to do.

Answer 14

he's never gonna get better, and you're going to be miserable your whole life if you two cant work this out. so, i would say divorce. but, that's all up to you and what you want to deal with.  

Answer 15

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Answer 16

Steve Wilkos! lol

Answer 17

I had the same problem with my ex husband who is in the military, except for the 2 sons. I know that divorce was best for us and we get along a lot better now. You should really consider counseling, I know the military will help in anyway... You do realize that if they know of his cheating was he can get in HUGE trouble? Maybe that's what he needs.

Answer 18

where do you go from here? to see an attorney to get a divorce!

Answer 19

THAT IS YOU HUSBAND,AND GOD SAY TO 4GET AND FORGAVE SO WANT CAN I SAY TO YOU BUT DO NOT  LET ANY WOMEN LET YOU GAVE THAT LOVE YOU HAVE FOR YOUR MAN UP AND YOU ALSO HAVE KIDS TO THINK ABOUT.

Answer 20

maury show!

counselor. ?

Answer 21

You need to get out asap. Obviously he treats you like a doormat.  I would talk to a women's help group to give you reasonable legal assistance in your area. If will only get worse if you try to hang in there for the "kid's sake".  

Answer 22

You need to talk to him and straight talking. you are unhappy. The isn't the family life you planned together. He is taking advantage of you. You are not putting up with this any longer. Suggest counseling. If he won't adhere to your simple requests then he is out the door and you WILL file for divorce and you will move on eventually and find somebody else who can treat you and your children with the respect you equally deserve.

Answer 23

you are aboslutly fooling yourself. the statment once a cheater always a cheater is true. why would you want to be around someone who treats you like **** and your kids..divorce him. see a shrink. be with ur kids, find somebody who will treat you right.

Answer 24

   Would you have married him if you knew all of this was ahead of you in your marriage? No? Then why stay married? All of this IS ahead of you in your marriage.  

Answer 25

You are in a difficult situation, since he has just returned home from deployment, he certainly has alot of issues that he is going to need time to work through.  

Answer 26

get a divorce! now! you'll get child support money

Answer 27

get a reality check dont stay with him because of the kids  file for a divorce and leave it will only hurt for a little while but believe me you will be glad you left in the long run  

Answer 28

i hope it wasn't just sexwith drawll...it sems like he just needed some

Answer 29

divorce, ASAP.  don't stay with the a*****e for your kid's sake.  get rid of him before he gives you a STD, and get every penny out of him that you can.

Answer 30

You can work it out... sure. But do you want to take the chance of him doing it again? Do you really want to waste more time when, more than likely, he will repeat his mistakes? Find a divorce lawyer, and they can give you all your options.

Answer 31

i dont know why we think we need to do the changing when he is cheating. from experience RUN to  a lawyer.