Where do you draw the line between indulgence and complacence?

Question

I often feel torn between my desire to be a compassionate, understanding and indulgent person and my fear of becoming a submissive, complacent and subservient woman.

Answer 1

the difference is in the boundaries you set - and enforce.  Once that line is crossed, it's your responsibility to communicate how it made you feel and how that behavior needs to change.  I believe in giving until I get a reason not to.

Answer 2

Wow...interesting question (and I marked it interesting for good measure, haha).

I think the best way to keep from being submissive, etc. is to ensure you are putting yourself first.

Sound odd?

Putting "you" first doesn't mean you're selfish. It means you're filling yourself, and your needs, to ensure you have enough to give out. Women who become submissive and subservient are women who sacrifice themselves for someone else. They lose themselves.

As far as being indulgent, it's good to give to others but not to the extreme. For example, parents can be generous to their children, but when they become indulgent (never setting boundaries, rarely saying no) then it becomes a problem.

Hope that helps!

Answer 3

The three qualities you list on either side have nothing to do with one another.  In fact, I don't even see a connection between compassion/understanding and indulgence!

Answer 4

In what context?

Compassion, understanding, and indulgence are all well and good, within reason.

If you'd given any examples or any specifics at all, it would be possible to  answer. You didn't so all anyone can do is answer in vague generalities, too.

Are you talking about what you think and feel? Those are your call. Are you talking about people you have no obligation toward, wanting  you to give and give? If you have no obligation to everyone who wants your time and energy. Are you talking about intimates? If the issue is of little moment to you, then why not give in? If the issue is important to you, then you've no obligation to be a doormat.

It's impossible to tell what sorts of things you're talking about so it's impossible to say which you're being.

There's nothing wrong with being complacent when it doesn't hurt you to so be.

Answer 5

Indulgence is more active, complacency more passive.

I think you need to look up the meaning of the word "indulgent", as in "self-indulgent".  Its not an admirable characteristic.

Answer 6

Why do you have to?

And in whose eyes?

Any degree of pleasance will be viewed by a sociopath as a weakness to exploit.

Ever thought along the lines of this is me. End of.

Edit -- ahh a thumbs down already? lol

Don't you get it? being cut up about where in the balance you are is going about it the wrong way? The first thing with anything confidence or self esteem based to be lost are those things when you question them. Stop doing it.

As for being compassionate/complacent - such a thing can be measured both internally, externally and on observational feedback, often a combination of two of them. Internal and feedback. Which means regardless, a certain amount of it will be placed in terms of others. Which leads to more uncertainty. Which leads to more questions. Which will move you further away from being settled with self acceptance.

With self acceptance, you have a good grounding for self esteem and confidance. Not questioning whether you are in the right balance or not - stops you sapping those away.

It also places you in a position to be better able to set and maintain your boundries. As if you are unsure about whether to step up and defend or not because you aren't being indulgent enough then you wont really set your boundries well.

So ultimately this boils down to - this is me, end of.

This also requires self-trust, in areas, that you do care and wont abuse others unless you constantly watch or wont be abused because you will defend without constantly watching.

One thought strikes me - this is quite an internal conflict to have running and keep running, therefore there must be reason as to why.

Answer 7

With all due respect, you need to leave those feminist hangups at the door, show you care about people and live your life.