Where do you draw the line between truth and hurting someone?

Question

My fiances mother told me when he got my engagement ring, told me it was beautiful, and even called me naive when I hadn't figured out on my own that she had took him to get my engagement ring and wedding ring. I would have never known, but she had to break her sons trust and ruin an awesome surprise. That was in February. I am going to marry him in October. I feel like I need to tell him the truth before we get married because I don't want any secrets in our marriage. Should I hurt him with telling him or should I keep it to myself. ( It has been driving me nuts because I feel like I'm being disloyal to him) I know he will be very hurt If he finds out his mother betrayed him like this.

Answer 1

I would talk to him about it.  You're absolutely right when you say you don't want any secrets in your marriage.  Your future mother in law is at fault here.......she's the one who betrayed her son's trust.  She sounds like someone who might be trying to cause a bit of trouble in your relationship and I'd nip it in the bud or it will continue throughout your marriage and you certainly don't want to be caught in the middle of a situation like that.  If you don't tell him, and he finds out later from some other source ie his mother that you know, guaranteed he will feel worse knowing you kept it from him.

Answer 2

Well ,,,, A secret is no longer a secret if more than one person knows about it ,,,, If you leave things the way they are now then eventually the secret could come out one way or another at some time or another ,,,, Say you leave things the way they are and you don't tell him ,,,,Then when he gives you the ring you are going to have to act like you are totally surprised which would only compound the potential problem that already exists ,,,,  You are caught between a rock and a hard spot here through no fault of your own and with divided loyalties ,,,,  

It's regrettable that she did this but she's the one that did it not you ,,,, If a problem arises from this then it's between your fiancee and his mother not between you and him ,,,, It could very well create a difficulty between you and his mother but she's not the one you are going to marry ,,,,This is her mistake not yours ,,,,   If push comes to shove when or if this does come out then all you can tell his mother is what you've stated in your post ,,,, You simply tell her that you are sorry this happened but after allot of thought about this you feel that your first loyalty is to your fiancee (her son) and that you feel it would be starting out the marriage with a lie ,,,, You could also tell her that you are worried about what she might think of you ,,,, That if you are capable of going through with this then what else are you capable of in other areas ,,,,

This would prove to your fiancee and his mother where your loyalties are and who you feel obligated to ,,,,Also for her this should create a higher esteem and greater respect for you that your first thoughts are to protect him ,,,, What goes down between him and her is between mother and son ,,,,  Although it may cause a difficulty I think your best coarse in this situation is to be honest with him ,,,, He's the one you are going to be living with so he's the one you should show loyalty towards ,,,,  All you can do from then is to just let the chips fall where they may and deal with it after that ,,,,  

As your husband you should feel loyalty fidelity obligation and protective towrds him  ,,,, What do you think you should do in this situation ?,,,,   //  

Answer 3

The truth though its bitter but ends in good ending so better tell every thing to him as one day the truth will come out as u cant hide the truth for life time.

Answer 4

I am certainly not one for keeping things from your significant other - but I don't think this one is worth the mention.  He'll be hurt that you weren't surprised, he'll feel angry toward his mother (and if he tells her why - she could get angry with you), and it will just cause unnecessary problems.  The engagement was special anyway I'm sure and things are rolling smoothly now - so don't stir any thing up.