Where is the line between being cautious and being overprotective.....?

Question

I have seen two questions today, one about a boy hanging out with another boy who smokes and one about letting your teenage daughter or son using the rest stop restroom alone. Most answers were emphatic about not allowing either to occur. It's kind of amazing how overprotective people are. It's one thing to be smart, it's another to be stifling.

Considering that statistically speaking the world IS a safer place then it used to be, is the only explanation overprotective parents who are making things out to be worse then they really are? What kind of things will being overprotective do to a kids psyche?

Answer 1

Protecting your children isn't going to teach them how to protect themselves or make good decisions for themselves.  

You do need to protect your children until they are mature enough to learn to do it themselves.  And, you do need to *teach them* to do it themselves.  But, simply protecting them all of the time will leave them ill-equipped to deal with the real world when they are out there in it, whether it's safer or more dangerous than it was in the past.

Answer 2

We can't bubble our children.  It really seems that some parents nowadays would really love to do that to 'protect' their kids.  But the last time I checked I turned out all right and I wasn't treated like a newborn all the time I was growing up.

Not letting your kid hang out with a kid who smokes?  In my opinion a kid will smoke even if their friends don't.  I smoked all through high school and hung out with several people who didn't and wouldn't dare try it.  It didn't have an effect on them at all.

Letting your teenager use a rest stop restroom alone?  What in the world are parents afraid will happen?  I've used the facilities alone (even in the middle of nowhere) and never had a problem, even when I was a young kid and teenager.  It's a restroom for crying out loud.  What's gonna happen, a mugger or rapist jumps out from the next stall?  And then what, like someone in the same building wouldn't be able to hear someone screaming their lungs off.  Come on.

Parents are the cause for so many of the problems now.  They won't allow their kids to be taught about safe s*x in school so the teen pregnancy rates sky rocket.  They don't allow their kids to participate in physical activities so the occurrence of childhood diabetes and obesity goes through the roof.  We let our kids get by with everything, give them everything and then wonder why we still have to support them and why they are living at home at 21.  Some of these parents think that they are protecting their kids but in all honesty we are raising a bunch of children that have no clue about the real world and will expect mom and dad to support them all their lives.

Answer 3

It seems that many parents are teaching their children to be constantly afraid because danger is apparently lurking around every corner. I'm afraid to see what happens when these kids are finally out on their own and don't have mommy or daddy to help them pee anymore.

Answer 4

I understand fully wot u mean..It al depends on age...Also some areas arnt that safe..i would feel worried about my daughter been out alone or with friends at any age but i think all parents worry but i wouldnt go over the top where i smoother her...I think kids that are to overprotected turn out to be a lil more wary not able to stand up for themselves, find it harder to mingle, have poor judgement of people and i think this because theyve been wrapped up in cotton wool. Yes il have boundrys when my daughter gets old but il have my own and go by them but what i may see as leanient some ppl may see as over protective so its a no win case .

Answer 5

First of all, I don't believe that the world is a safer place than it used to be, where our children are concerned. There was less drug related incidents and less other accidents and crimes in the 70s and 80s and our parents had been more strict with us than we are with our children now.

Secondly, Children are more exposed to the global environment now, and we have less control over what they are doing and who they are communicating with.

On these premises, being overprotective or cautious may not be applicable. We cannot protect our children from the internet world which they can enter without our knowledge and consent.

You can only be overprotective or cautious about them as long as you see what they are doing, who they are with or where they are going. Aside from that, we do not know what goes on with them.

I guess we can only give them our love, guidance, teachings  and care. We cannot give them our thoughts or ideas. They are more aware today than we were back then, and they are more aggressive. Being overprotective suffocates them and shames them before their peers, as well as our being cautious.

Answer 6

It all depends what on the age. My parents were very overprotective of me when I was younger, although I think that had to do with me being an only child. I'm in my mid twenties now and they are still over protective.

Example: Last night my friend blew out her tire on the Interstate about 10 minutes from where my parents live (I was visiting them while hubby is away on business). Her kids were scared and freaking out, it was 10 pm, so she called and asked if I could come and giver her a hand while she waited for AAA to come help. I left my daughter with my parents since she was asleep, and went to help my friend. I was gone maybe an hour. My phone was on silent and I missed 8 calls from my parents freaking out because I wasn't answering...I called them back to find out my dad had gotten into his car to come and find me to make sure everything was ok....again, I'm in my mid-twenties, have a daughter and am an attorney, and yet, some things (like over protective parents) never change.....Lol

Answer 7

i think what makes a parent over protective is unresolved fears in themselves that they never outgrew or over came. they transpose those fears into their children. i had a fear of the ocean. my dad used to take us to the beach all the time and he'd pick me up and throw me into the waves. i screamed bloody murder out of fear. i developed a fear of the ocean. when i had my son, i never allowed him to go to the beach. we lived in san diego, the ultimate beach scene. his 6th grade class had a beach party that i wouldnt allow him to attend due to my fear of the ocean. i know now that that is wrong. i think to prevent yourself from being overly protective you need to look at the situation and see if your reasons are legitamite. their age and their surrounding or environment all should be taken into account. we now live in a small town of 1000 people, very rural, mostly farms. i feel comfortable allowing my son to come home after dark where before, in san diego, my son was to come straight home, call me at work, stay in the house until i was home. sometimes you just cant avoid being over protective.

Answer 8

I have been to many reststops across the country . I was young & never went in alone & if none of the females had to go my father waited a few steps away from the entrance.  He would occasionally talk to me or whistle & I was expected to respond. If I didn't respond he would have been in there in a matter of seconds (even now my husband does the same for me). I believe that is being CAUTIOUS.  In my state it's illegal for a minor under the age of 18 to purchase cigaretts.  I think that is it my responsibility to let my son know that what that boy is doing is not only bad for his friends heath, his health because of second hand smoke & it is against the law.  I think that is also being CAUTIOUS. I believe that children need boundaries that always made me feel safe. When my friends were doing things that weren't acceptable & they got into trouble or hurt doing those things, I was always grateful for not having been there. We all need to experience life & make our own mistakes as long as my parents knew in their heart of hearts that we were going out with good kids that came from responsible families then what ever happened happened & we were loved uncondiationally dispite the trouble we may have gotten into.

I guess it's up to each individual parent to decide what that would do in each situation. If you have noticed that most parents asking questions usually pick the BEST ANSWER that supports their own views.  Well most people aren't looking for "THE BEST ANSWER" but the Best Answer that "BEST" supports their current opnion.



As for the world being a "Safer Place" that is also up for debate. Maybe since Sadam Husane was captured, Or since Ted Bundy was arrested, Or since Charles Manson was sentenced to death.  There are many missing children in the US & around the world.  We can't prevent every thing from happening but we can be Cautiously Overprotective & hopefully never have to experience that pain & anguish of not having done enough to protect our child.

Answer 9

Cautious is something we all need to be, all the time.  I don't agree the world is a safer place then it used to be.  It's more dangerous than ever before!

Anyways, over-protective is distructive as it doesn't allow a kid to make his own mistakes, get in his own situations and get himself out of them.  There are a certain amount of situations that young people should encounter and confront and you hope like h**l you raised em right.

The smoking boy perhaps.  No I wouldn't let my kids hang out with a boy who smokes BUT he's probably going to be able to do it without my knowledge anyways.  I can't watch my kid 24 hours a day.  They go out and play and need their space.  I've taught both my kids since they were very young about cigarettes, drugs, s*x, etc. and been very up front and honest with them.  I continue to talk to them regularly about what's going on in their lives and staying in touch and involved.  And I've told them "when" these things happen, not "if" what the righ tthings to do are and why.

They have to make their own mistakes and solve their own problems to grow into strong, healthy, logical, capable adults (who I don't want living at home when they're 27!)