Where on earth did the idea of adopting because you're scared of childbirth come from?

Question

Do many people really do so? I always imagined that most people adopt because they're unable to have children naturally, so that's a contradiction, isn't it?

I just read some questions and was curious, that's all. Thanks!

Answer 1

Gosh, I hope most people adopt because they want to become parents and love and raise a child.  I don't know if I think there's anything "wrong" with adopting for any reason as long as a person truly wants to be a parent, and is mentally and emotionally capable of giving a child a loving home.  I wanted to have kids the old fashioned way, and couldn't, but I think there are many good parents who can do it the old fashioned way but choose adoption for other reasons.  As long as the love is there and the desire to be a parent is there then I don't see a problem.

Answer 2

Ok the question was spurred by this article: (I think, although I could be wrong)

Are you a tokophobic? The women who are too terrified to give birth

Daily Mail By SADIE NICHOLAS - Last updated at 23:26pm on 25th October 2007

Rachel Smith shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Light-headed and desperate for air, she snapped shut the pages of the baby magazine she was reading and threw it across the room.

Her pregnant friend, whose house she was visiting, watched bemused as Rachel stood up and dashed for the door.

"I had to get out of the room," says Rachel. "I'd turned the page and seen a photograph of a woman giving birth. It was disgusting.  Her face was contorted in pain, the whole thing was one big bloody mess, and I suddenly felt sick. If I didn't get fresh air, I would have fainted."

This week Dame Helen Mirren admitted to suffering from the same fear. "I haven't had children and now I can't look at anything to do with childbirth. It absolutely disgusts me."



Childless: Helen Mirren told Australian journalist Andrew Denton childbirth 'disgusts' her



"Even though I am a woman, birth sounds an horrendous experience. My mother has done nothing to allay my fears. Whenever we've spoken about childbirth, she is honest and says simply that, yes, it is a horrendous experience."

Rachel says: "I strongly feel that the only way I'd be able to do that, if at all, would be to have a Caesarean - which would be less gory because I could be sedated - and probably some therapy during pregnancy, because I find the thought of having my stomach cut open pretty horrifying.

"The truth is that the very thought of having something almost alien-like growing inside me is disgusting."

As many as one in seven women are thought to suffer from tokophobia (a word which derives from the Greek "tokos" meaning childbirth).

Maureen Treadwell of the Birth Trauma Association says: There are two main types of the condition. Primary tokophobia relates to childless women who have a deep-seated dread of pregnancy and birth, often relating back to their own mother's experience or something they learned in school.

Secondary tokophobia affects women who have had a horrendous experience of childbirth already, which renders them emotionally unable to have more children.

Wine merchant Anna Walker, 30, admits "It's not too strong to say that the very thought of childbirth disgusts me in a big way," says Anna, a journalism graduate. It's much more than an anxiety - I am actually physically repulsed by pregnancy and childbirth.

"I even struggle to be around friends when they are pregnant and can't bear to watch or listen to anything about the process of having a baby. It all seems so medieval and I find it astonishing that there is nothing in this modern, technical age to make childbirth easier for women."

Unlike Rachel, Anna can't trace her own terror to anything in her childhood. "Six months ago, when I was suffering dizzy spells and nausea, my doctor tested me for a number of possible causes including diabetes, inner ear trouble and pregnancy. I was utterly terrified and knew I'd rather deal with diabetes than being pregnant. I couldn't cope with a birth."

"I would be very happy for James and I to have the end result, a baby. But emotionally I can't get past pregnancy and birth. It's a pathological problem and people should recognise that before they criticise women like me."

Like countless women suffering tokophobia, Amanda Campbell, a 23-year-old marketing executive from Notting Hill, London, is nervous discussing the condition publicly. "Just like Helen Mirren, I was 13 or 14 when we were shown a video of childbirth in a s*x education lesson at my all-girls' school, and I can see it vividly to this day.

"It was barbaric, like watching a horror film, and I remember everyone covering their eyes with their hands in disgust. The woman giving birth was in a terrible way and I couldn't believe the amount of blood. I watched through my fingers and I've spent the past nine years wishing I hadn't."

"I can't listen to conversations about babies or birth," she adds. "And I have to leave the room if something comes on TV. My phobia is so bad that I can't imagine ever being pregnant or giving birth. Why on earth would I want to go through what the woman in that s*x education video experienced?"

Amanda says: "it's disgusting and so undignified"  she is resigned to the fact that, for her, adoption may be the only way she will be able to have a child in the future.

Ashley Hall, a 21-year-old PA and freelance model from Glasgow, empathises, "My friend's mother was a doctor and had given her a graphic book on how babies are made and born," she says, grimacing at the memory. "My friend brought it to school and I remember feeling nauseous at the images on its pages of reproductive organs and birth.".

Ashley says: "I don't think I'll be able to endure the pain and indignity of childbirth. My phobia also relates to a fear that I would resent a baby for causing me the pain of birth; the split muscles, stitches, prolapsed bladder, and even the loss of my independence and s*x life. It's just repulsive."

Sadly, there is no treatment for the condition, but retired obstetrician Michael Pawson, who devotes a whole chapter on the subject in his new book, Psychological Challenges In Obstetrics And Gynecology, insists tokophobia is a very real problem, and that the medical profession should be more understanding.

Ashley Hall agrees: "It's a serious psychological phobia that many women are suffering from. If it's not treated with respect, it will mean adoption or fostering may be our only route to motherhood."

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Having posted that-Possum said it best, she hit it right on the money..

Personally I would think that women with this fear might want to invest in therapy to try to overcome their fear. They use therapy to overcome many phobias, why not this one? Is it perhaps to shaming for women? I Find it incredible that in this day and age there isn't any form of therapy for this condition that has been publcized and offered to women who suffer from this.

Answer 3

It came from the fact that some people are scared of childbirth, yet still want kids.

...wow. that was simple.

P.S. LOL @ the butthurt edit. Your question answered itself, don't get upset because you didn't express yourself clearly, try again.

Answer 4

I think that when you adopt a child you love that child just the same... as if it were your own.  So if you have a fear of childbirth it seems like a simple answer to the problem.. Adopt!

Answer 5

I don't know if many people adopt for that reason but it doesn't bother me. If someone is willing to be a loving and good parent and will offer a homeless child a safe and loving family and environment, who cares about her fear of birth. There are lots of reasons why people adopt. What I don't appreciate is when birth mothers tell people they should have to go through labor and/or would be an unfit parent for being afraid and don't deserve to have a child. I don't know what q&a I saw this on so I can't quote it exactly but it was to the effect that giving birth doesn't qualify a woman to be a good mother. I thought it was an excellent point.

Possum, what is your problem with Angelina Jolie? Once again, you are "blaming" someone else. I bet you wouldn't say that if she was ugly. Just admit it, you HATE anyone who adopts a child(ren). Let it rest already.

Answer 6

I'm scared of childbirth. The thought of all that pain, and blood, and gunk coming out of me, and having my delicate parts ripped and stretched sounds like something out of a horror film.

However, I would drink a bottle of Drano before I'd ever adopt.

I'm happily childfree.

Answer 7

i had a comment but...

organsmic childbirth???  so i guess when i was screaming bloody-murder and wishing that someone would shoot me in the head, i was actually c#mming???  that's hot.

i can't WAIT until next june to have another one of those... h**l, who needs a partner or a vibrator? just have a baby?

Answer 8

I don't specifically have an answer to your question.  I would like to say that my husband and I decided to adopt not because I was scared to give birth but because I simply didn't have the desire to be pregnant and HAVE a baby.  We did, however, want to be parents and felt there were so many children in the world that already exist and desperately need a permanent home and family.  We want to give a baby that opportunity...a child that may not otherwise have the opportunity.  Many people have just assumed we couldn't have kids because we chose adoption.  Just another perspective---surely we're not the first or the last to feel this way.

Answer 9

Well I've had 2 kids biologically, and I would be interested in adopting in the future.  I think it was yet another ridiculous myth started on this site.

Answer 10

I have a friend who is physically capable of conceiving and has carried all of her children to full term but the last two nearly killed her.  I think that's a pretty good reason to opt for adoption over having children biologically.

Myself, I'm pushing forty and have heatlh issues that would make getting pregnant at my age bad for my health and the health of the baby.

I don't think there are many people who chose adoption over pregnancy, but those that do, do so for valid health concerns.

Answer 11

It's orphan propaganda - don't believe it!