Where should I draw the line with my teenage daughter?

Question

My daughter (14) is a really good kid. She's always listening, not talking back and not rebelling but she has a different style I guess. I let the skinny jeans, black t-shirts and the music go but where should I draw the line? She has a nose stud (that I was fine with) but now she wants to get her upper ear cartilage pierced (isn't that dangerous?) and now her navel as well. She also wants to dye her hair dark brown and wear black eyeliner. She seems to have fallen hard for this 'punk/emo' rock phase but should I let her do all this. I feel like a hypocrite since I have a navel piercing, tattoos, dye my hair and of course wear make up but is 14 too young?

Answer 1

as a 16 year old, that kinda look started around when i was 14...its perfectly normal. as long as shes a good kid, i think she should be able to do what she wants with her look as long as its not provocative.

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Answer 2

i just turned fifteen and i have a lot of piercings. my mom draws the line at lip rings and stuff. but she lets me do my make up the way i want. and pretty much lets me dress how i want. as long as i dont look S****y.

Answer 3

I mean its really up to you and whether or not you think its appropriate. I personally would wait on the piercings but give into the make up and hair color. Maybe wait and see if she still wants the piercings at Christmas or her birthday and then surprise her.

Answer 4

She isn't too young to dye her hair and the make-up.

I would hold off on the naval piercing and let her do the cartilage piercing.

So, yes, I would draw the line but it would only be on the piercings, like the naval.

Let her do the ear at 14 or maybe even 15 and the belly button at 16 or 17 maybe 18.

Answer 5

At 15, nothing seems 'too young' these days. Honestly, her style isn't doing anything bad and to be honest, if you let her - she'll appreciate that you are letting her choose her style.

Punk/emo phase in school nowadays does not get much of a bad reputation, and dying dark brown for her hair? Well it's a natural color.

I'd watch out for the piercing of a naval if you're worried about boys though. All my guy friends think it's really hott - so you MAY want to worry about that.

Good luck!

Answer 6

Most places won't even do cartilage or body piercings unless you're 16 with parental consent...

I would say make her wait til she's 16 to get the cartilage & navel piercing & probably to dye her hair too... If you teach her how to do eye liner properly and she doesn't abuse it then I would let her wear it occassionally.

It doesn't make you a hypocrit - it makes you a parent.

Answer 7

ok i would let her wear the clothes, eyeliner, music, whatever as long as shes happy. wait until shes 16 to get her belly button peirced.

Answer 8

My mom let me do whatever i wanted to when i was a teen. if you dont let her do somethings she will just be crazy and do everything once she is 18. so i think you should let her just be involved in what she does take her to  get the make up help her pick it out. show her how to put it on right so she wont look silly. and when she wants something pierced you will have to go with her anyways. as long as her grades are good and she is a good kid knows right form wrong then i think she will be ok and grow to be a great person.

Answer 9

Well, as a 13 year old, I can tell you this much, all girls...and boys, love the skinny jeans. And the nose stud, ugh, I wish my mum would let me get one! And cartilage....that isn't dangerous. I have had mine done since last year. She should wait to get her belly button pierced, I would say at least 16.  But hair dye, isn't all that bad, but careful it can cause harm. My grandma has cancer due to something in hairdye. And make-up isn't all that bad. Lol. Hope I helped. xx

Answer 10

My daughter was the same. Surprised you were ok with the nose piercing. I didn't mind what mine did with her ears/navel etc but stay off the face, also NO TATS!  Hair dye and make-up all washes off/grows out. It's a phase, she wants to look like her friends.  

Answer 11

its all up to you, really... but here are some facts...

ear cartilage isnt really dangerous unless its done with a gun. piercings should always be taken care of properly wherever they are.

i honestly would try to limit a LITTLE.. keep it in control as best you can. if she is being honest with you and you trust her, and you believe you are raising her right, let her do her thing. we ALL did it! just remember, you are her parent first and her friend second. you want to be close, but remember you are there to raise them and sometimes that means being a little strict. just dont overdo it.

Answer 12

im the same as her (: i wear skinnies and black t-shirts to, but my parents are the opposite really.

they let me dye my hair and wear make up and stuff, but they say no to any piercings at all, except ears.

i think that you should let her dye her hair maybe a few shades down from her natural colour, and let her wear eyeliner, seeing as that's not permenant like a piercing. i think if you say no to all of that, there's a chance she'll do it anyway, which is what lots of kids do, but if you let her do some of those things, she may just be happy with that.

Answer 13

no...

well, giving her a naval piercing at 14 is pretty young, but as for everything else, no.

Answer 14

I'd say let her go for it, but if she starts acting out, or you have a bad feeling about anything she's doing, that's where you draw the line.  Piercings are always removable, but I don't know if I would go for the upper ear.  I've heard that that's not the safest.  Everything else I would let her do.  Other wise, she'll rebel and do it any way at some point.

Good luck!

Answer 15

upper ear i dont think hs anything wrong with it

but i would draw the line at belly button rings, becasue its really ugly if you take it out and theres a hole, and she ight regret it later, wait till she gets older

naw not in 2008

you cant tell her what she should like,

let her wear eyeliner, just not in family gatherings ans such,

Answer 16

well, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree now does it?  if it's good enough for you than you would be a hypocrite to not let her do these things also.  

Answer 17

You being concered showsthat you care. The punk look (my look) is expression. I have done it since i was 13 and my mom was the first to dye my hair (bright red). She is a therypist for teens so if she thinks it is healthy you are fine. If she likes the look, go with it. Just make sure it's a look and not a state of mind... make sure she is happy.. Have fun with her, like help dye hair and be there for all the piercing and maybe suggest a ring she would like to use when the piercing is able to be changed, stay a part of it just so you know that it doesnt evolve into rebellion against you!

Answer 18

well right now the punk/emo rock thing is really in right now that is probly why she is in to it now. You shouldnt feel like a hypocrite though she should do as you say not as you do. Yes getting a carilage piercing can be dangerous if they do it in the wrong spot it could acutally paralyse your face i wanted one but i heard that and was like no way i mean i know people who have em and are perfectly fine but it can happen. I personally think 14 is a bit young for all that it wouldnt hurt for her to wait a couple years at least. But at the end of the day she is your daughter and only you can do whats best for her.

Answer 19

Its your call.. you're the parent.  Personally I'd tell her to at least wait another year or two, and if she is still wanting peircings then you can talk about it.

Teenagers go thru stages..  although she wants a pericing now.. a year or so later she may not want one.

Maybe come to a compromise with the hair dye and eye liner.. after all, those are not permanant.

You can talk to her about why you wanted your peircings and tats, what age you got them..  and if you've come across any problems from having them (medically, physically or socially).. for example, many jobs frown upon facial peircings.

Answer 20

Let her. You can take out a piercing, and it's not like eyeliner is dangerous.

The upper ear cartilage piercing is only dangerous when done by an amateur, or with a piercing gun. Just tell her she has to pay for the make-up, the piercings, the hair dye, etc. so she has to pay for it, and if she decides to take out her piercings, or whatever else she wants done, its her money she wasted on it, not yours.

Answer 21

It is pretty young, but how do you feel about your daughter? do you trust her? maybe these things need to be earned. maybe you'll let her have these things in exchange for, i dunno, some extra chores around the house? something that she'd have to do a little extra work for. it's good for her, would build character. just be open and communicate with your daughter. and decide based on your feelings.

Answer 22

let her get some percings but draw the line a tatoos

Answer 23

I know i dont have any kids that age yet r anytime soon i have a little boy on the way but it wasnt that long ago i was a teenager. Your not at all being a hypocrite you just want whats best for your daughter. If you dont want her to get some things on her body just tell her in the long run she'll understand, but at the same time she is at that age where she is trying to figure out who she is. It maybe just a phase i went through alot of them because i wanted to be someone i wasnt. I started going through phases like that when i was 13 she probally wants to  just be her own person and try to figure out who she is.  

Answer 24

im sixteen, and around the age of fourteen also i went through this stage. i got into the so-called "emo" guys and honestly, it was a very depressing life style. i lost my virginty while going through this stage, which was something i was not ready for, to a guy i thought i loved. i also started smoking weed. which wasnt another one of the best choices to make. i started slacking on my school work. and got a really horrible attitude. especially with adults. and even got arrested!but i grew out of it eventually and im doing great. i got back on my school and am even graduating a year early!! =] i would love to say, everyone grows out of it. but i would only be lying. i've seen many of my friends suffer from it. one even commited suicide. you need to step up and draw the line somewhere before its too late. i would hate to see another person in the upcoming generation choose the wrong path. peace and love. - Jayden E. Tarver.

Answer 25

Fourteen is not too young for her to start being independent. However, if she is blonde/red head/brownish red, I would draw the line at letting her dye her hair. She might thank you for it later. Blondes never go back blonde unless they dye it blonde again, but then their roots grow out darker. And I was a brownish red before I dyed my hair black. And I've seen pictures of me from back then, and that was a BEAUTIFUL colored hair. I regret ever dying it black. Now it's just brown, unless I'm in extreme sunlight, then it's got a little bit of a red hue. ....And I might draw the line at the belly ring too. If she doesn't have it, she won't feel the need to show off her tummy.

Answer 26

i say let her do it

Answer 27

Has your mum been harassing you, or what? It sounds to me like you don't really have a problem with this, but think you should. I'm sure you know where *your* limits are.

Answer 28

I'm 23 this year (Gosh!) I was not a bad child in my parents' eyes... I started dying my hair - because of curiousity when I was 18. Never got a chance to do more than 1 pair of ear piercing, hmmm, though I feel its cool to have nose pierce and belly.

Well, as for tattoos, maybe you may allow her to go for those artisitc Henna art. It'll go off in 1 - 2 weeks time. It's for fun though, I go for Henna art whenever I feel like.

I've the key to freedom since I turned 16. I guess the more my parents give me levy way, the more I feel that I shouldn't disappoint them. yea? But its still up to individual... :)  

Answer 29

You are the mother, you do what you feel is right. Don't let her make the rules at 14, she still needs your guidance! Plus, the world does not need anymore emo kids.

Answer 30

An upper ear piercing is not dangerous, so i would at least let her get that, but still 14 isn't that young, but wait until she is 16 maybe.

Answer 31

I'd say just let her do it.

She's at the age where she's trying to figure herself out.

Let her experience and learn from her mistakes or benefit from it.