Where should i live, sorry its LONG and confusing but please help!?

Question

(names in caps to seem less confusing)

Ok, MOM and DAD divorced when i was 2, me and my elder brother JAMIE stayed with MOM and saw DAD on weekends, which ment visiting his new wife SAM and after time his new kids DAN and ELLIE...my MOM always went out, got new boyfriends, she was a depressant, smoked, drunk etc etc, social services used to check on us etc. When i was about 10 she got a permanent boyfriend called PAUL, we moved in with him and she cheered up and sorted herself out. JAMIE however decided to go live with DAD and his new family...I carried on visiting DAD etc now every 2 weeks and felt a little left out, as i was never included in the weekly family activites, i missed out alot, so MOM suggested not going for a while, a while turned into 3 years..and in those 3 years she's cry over JAMIE, started getting depressed again, spending nights crying and drinking and playing loud music, PAUL stuck by her though and treated me like a daughter but i couldnt stand my MOM's behaviour so at the age of 14 near easter i left home, i didnt tell her i was going, i went to stay with dad and for the first time all the children of my family were togethor playing and it was all great. SAM got bored of JAMIE after a while and he moved back into MOM's before christmas, and by the next easter SAM and DAD had broke up, DAD was living at his moms trying to get cash for a new house for me and him, and easter sunday SAM kicked me out. Im not living with DAD and his newest girlfriend NEOMI, my little brother and sister come over 1 day a week, i havent spoken to MOM and PAUL for a year and a half, SAM hates me, JAMIE hates me and tbh my dad doesnt acknowledge me much either.

I spend most my life in my room talking to my boyfriend and his family, who are amazing but live in dorset, i like near MK.

Recently DAD has spent less and less time noticing me, if i go downstairs he would have already cooked for him and neomi, and wont notice me as the TV is on, so i cook for myself and eat once a day...As i've grown up with shouting and drama i am the sort of person who prefers talking about things, so the other day when a fight arose i simply told my father to "F off" and went to sleep, as he refused to talk about it, him and neomi are fine but he is refusing to speak to me, something he has done before and he normally sticks it out for a month or so...Im not happy, hes stoped me seeing friends and my boyfriend now. I cant leave the house and he just leaves, sometimes with or without neomi, without telling me so again im left alone...

What should i do, stay here? Go back to moms and risk it being bad again? Im so stuck, please, thanks for reading this ask anything if you need more details...

Answer 1

First of all, how old are you? If you are of legal age, you should get a job quick, save money, and move out on your own. Can you move to your bf's? In my opinion, you can probably move back in with your mom, because she didn't do anything bad to you. Her bf is so good to you and your bro, why couldn't you stand living there? Perhaps if both you and your bro are living with her, she'll be a lot more happy, and not depressed all the time.

Answer 2

Hi,

I am sorry to say but you were stupid enough to leave your moms place in the first place. you could have supported your mother and should have stayed by her side when she was going through the hard time.

Well by moving to your dad's you have not achieved anything good anyway.

So the call would have to be yours as i personally think you should have stayed with your mom as you have made her more depressed by leaving her without even telling her.

Sorry kiddo you will have to think this one through. As now you are older i am sure you can support your mother morally.

But the choice is yours.

Hope it all works out for you.  

Answer 3

Wow, this isn't an easy one, but I'm gonna give it a try.

By the sounds of things, your dad doesn't seem to choose the best of substitutes as mothers. You mom on the other hand seem to be able to, even though not having her whole family together gets her emotionally unstable.

I'd say go to the family where you'll have the best father figure. Father's play a big role in the way a family is held together, not to take anything away from mums at all. But it seems Paul will keep your mum straight. Not sure on your dads choice of women and the wy he treats you.

Hope I've helped.

Answer 4

Hey,

Go live with ur mom! I don't want 2 sound rude or anything, but U was stupid 2 leave her. She was always depressed because the family wasn't 2gether and yet U left her! Meaning she lost another member of the family! Imagine how she felt when U left, and U never even talked 2 her. Go back 2 live with her and stay by her side and support her along with Paul. U might cheer her up and she needs ur help.

But U also have another choice. If ur 18 or older, get a job, and get a place of ur own or maybe U can get permission and live with ur boyfriend and his family.

Answer 5

S,

I know it is hard what you are going through but it will pass.

You should go where you feel better, where you feel happy, and at home. Stay where you have peace.

Best of luck to you.

  

Answer 6

OMG...the life of kids after divorce...I feel sorry about you. I am divorced because I wanted kids. Re-married a woman that was divorced with a 9 year old girl. Now she is 14. We have a baby boy (now 3) and a baby girl coming in 3-4 weeks. I think you need to take one day at a time. You need some sanity...you will not get that from the people you live with nor your bf I'm afraid. It has to come from within yourself. It is time for you to become more spiritual...to find some peace love. Telling your Dad to f off is disrespectful and I suggest you don't use those words anymore...you may want to apologize if you have not already...In this case, I think you should start getting involved with a different environment...Start reading the bible...try to make some sense of the situation you have been living. You have not experienced a stable home front...You have time now to help yourself...I think you should stay put where you are for now if you feel safe and secure...no need to change that. Take Care sweetie...best of luck to you!