Where to draw the line between (postnatal) depression and the normal stresses of motherhood??

Question

am i depressed, stressed or just a mum??

i have 4 kids aged 16, 12 and twins 4 months. i expected the twins to be difficult but they are not the root of my problem. its my teens and my partner who i really feel like deserting lol. the teens are really untidy, unhelpful (even tho they adore the twins), argumentative and money suckers. my partner is generally immature and also works 14 hrs a day. lately i feel like im losing it altogether and have become very hostile and angry - they just refuse to be of any real help with household stuff. the twins feed non stop so i cant manage household stuff at all and the house is in chaos. it seems ridiculous to get outside help, i mean they are 3 adults (almost)!! am i expecting too much??

Answer 1

Post nat depression symptoms are below:

Sleeping problems for 2 weeks not enough or too much

No appetite or opposite binge eating

dont take care of your apperance

anxiety (paranoia)

You worry about your baby (you dont let anybody care of the baby)

You get constant infections illnesses colds,aches,pains headaches

No feelings (empty shell) or you cry uncontrollably

The above were my symptoms i had when i had post natal depression with my 3yr and 16 week old the only difference was i had severe depression with my 3yr but i was married and had support, but with the 16 week old i was single and divorced

Answer 2

No, no your not expecting too much!  You have a 16 year old who should be helping within the house! And I know your partner works long hours but so do you, you work super hard! You have the whole house to run and 2 small children as well 2 older ones who should be helping out.

If they arent helping maybe you should make a rota for the older ones and this way maybe the household chores would get done :)

I think thats just normal stresses tbh!  I resent my partner if he doesnt help me.  The way I see it is, we both decided on having children and he should take part of the responsability for their care as well as the house, if I cook he should do the dishes....small things make s MASSIVE difference. Maybe Im like this now because I suffered badly with Postnatal depression with my 1st son who is now 8....I had it for a long time :(

Sit them all down and tell them in no uncertain terms that things must change and soon and lay down a plan of action and a rota :)  Get them to change now before you perhaps get lower and lower, good luck.

Answer 3

No, you are not expecting too much. yell, scream and basically get an attitude until they get the picture.  the older two are old enough to divide the chores among them and help out..  You are doing the best you can dealing with twins. make them get off the a#$ and help.  As far as the partner goes, lost cause. mine is 45 and still acts like he is five and the world revolves around him.  Just just learn how to get your own way.

Answer 4

Sounds to me like you have your hands full! You seem to be doing all the giving and the rest of the family is doing all the taking. It would be unusual NOT to be depressed and stressed in this situation--and you have every reason to be hostile and angry. You truly cannot continue on this way.You may have to sit your family down and explain that you can't do it all, and that your health is actually in danger.

Answer 5

Please don't yell! Treat them like adults and hopefully they will start to behave like adults. Sit everyone down round the table. Turn off the telly and the phones. Tell them you are unhappy and that right now you need their help.  You have always been there for them and now its their turn. Draw up a list of chores (not too many for your partner who works long  hours and maybe nothing too hard, a rota would be fairest and get them to tell you what they will do every day. Instead of living with money suckers, give them a set allowance; they need to learn to budget to survive in the real world. You could even pay them for the chores. Work out YOUR rules before you sit them down and let them have a little input, but hold fast to your needs you need help. Write it all down first so you dont forget

Answer 6

I think you are not expecting too much.  I think your partner has his/her hands full working 14 hours a day.  Your 2 older children could definitely help out.  Maybe make a list of chores for the kids.  Your partner should be able to help out on his days off.  Do you have any family or friends nearby that could chip in once in awhile?  Good luck

Answer 7

Post natal depression doesn't stop and it gets worse over time, I think that is the main indicator. I had it but didn't even realise and get help til 11 months after having my child. I felt stressed and on edge all the time, when she cried my heart would start pounding in my chest, if she went to touch anything i.e. cupboards etc I would find it hard to deal with and was just so anxious all the time that she was going to do it. I was angry with my partner and yelled at him a lot, I became social phobic and hated leaving the house and would avoid hanging out with friends and family gatherings and i became insanely jealous of one particular person in my family. It wasn't a nice experience, I'm glad this time I should be able to recognise if it happens again. Medication helped me, I took it for 9 months and then weaned myself off when I felt able to start handling and recognising my feelings.

I don't know you but from what I read I do not think you are depressed, just overwhelmed and over-worked. It can lead to it though if you dont change things to make life easier on yourself.