Which adoption questions push your buttons?

Question

Here are 2 ways to torture me--well, not really, but, which adoption questions are your personal pet peeves?

Some of mine;

"Should I breast feed my adopted baby?"

and

"How can we get grants to help us pay for adopting a child?"

Answer 1

Hi Sunny,

"We are the perfect Christian couple....blah, blah, blah....we want your baby..."

Answer 2

I think the questions that bother me the most are those that are presumptive about any of the groups - original parents, adoptees, or APs.  Every situation is unique, and it drives me crazy when people lump an entire group of people together and assume they all feel the same.  

I also hate the questions posted just to get reaction from groups.  It really isn't necessary or the reason that Y!A was created.  

And then, yes, I have to agree that the ones that seem to troll for a child push my buttons, but I want to believe that many of the people asking the question simply do not know better or how they sound.  I try to respond to those people from an educational point of view rather than trying to bash them for trolling.  Maybe I'm naive for giving them the benefit of the doubt, but I truly think that some people who have never experience adoption simply do not know any better unfortunately.

Answer 3

How can I adopt a white newborn?

Where do we find birthmoms?

We've suffered from infertility and are now looking into adoption...

Our birthmom ... ( pretty much anything that follows "our birthmom" bothers me )

Answer 4

Generally speaking, it's the slanted questions or the rants in the form of a question.  

Slanted and unfair questions are just geared toward attacking a member of the triad.  I've seen such questions pointed at APs/PAPs, adoptees, and first mothers.  It's not about educating.  I don't think the poster is even interested in a response that doesn't validate their own opinion.  It doesn't contribute to the discussion on this forum in any meaningful way.

Answer 5

Mine would have to be 'I'm worried the birth mum will decide to keep her baby and she won't place' or something along those lines.  I dislike the terminology 'won't place', it makes it sound like they are talking about a horse race.

Answer 6

I do not like the questions asking for ideas on how to pay for adoption, and obviously the people who seem to think that Y!A is the place to advertise that they are willing to adopt and (healthy white) newborn.  

The breastfeeding thing creeps me out, but isn't so bad as some of them.

Oh and the people who feel like we should "rescue" children from other countries who may not have the same lifestyle we in the Western Cultures seem to take for granted.

Answer 7

"Should i breast feed my a-baby?" makes me sick to my stomach.

"Should I even tell my child they are adopted?"

"How should I tell my child about their adoption and their nmom?" When they don't even know anything about them or the real situation and don't care to find out.

Answer 8

The worst for me is an insult against a member of the triad in the form of a question. Everyone can see thru it. Politics have been using this form of rhetoric for centuries. And we all know those who repeatedly post them lol!

Answer 9

It's not so much a specific question.  The generalizing and lumping together of all adoptions as being the same is what bothers me most.  There are many different situations that an adoption arises, as well as many different bparents, aparents and adoptees.  

Too often a conclusion is drawn based on a personal experience, rather than the actual experience of which the post is speaking of.

Answer 10

Dear Sunny,

There are several kinds - I agree with most of the other posters, however my least favorite are the mean ones. I really dislike people who are purposfully and unjustly hateful -especially in such an emotional area. as adoption tends to be for ANYONE who has been touched by it.

Answer 11

Hi Sunny,

Questions in adoption that start with "I want..."

and

Posters that "Proclaim they don't judge...."  and then they pass judgment on you.  *shrug*

Answer 12

The ones where it is so obvoius that someone is just a troll, or is using one of their many profiles to make it seem like there are "so Many" AP's asking things like "How can we get grants to help us pay for adopting a child?"

Answer 13

"I'm infertile and want/need/deserve a baby.  How can I get one?"

That one drives me insane.

Answer 14

What joHn S. said

Answer 15

I hate questions that are put on here, just to anger people.  I've learned from a lot of them, but their agenda could have been placed there nicely, instead of so hateful.

Answer 16

I don't like those questions either but they don't bug me. I just ignore them because I know there are others who will gladly put the asker in their place:)

ETA: here,here John S

ETA: Oh, and posters who email to TRY to engage you in petty gossip about others here. And posters who copy signature taglines. Now, those are claws.

Answer 17

"Where can I adopt a baby for real cheap?"  For some reason this one really ticks me off. Like they want a bargain basement baby.

And I am with you, the breast feeding question just creeps me out.

Answer 18

ones that ask for babies. you know " i want to adopt, is anyone looking to give up their baby?" i just don't like it because it opens up to fraud on both sides. the other one is "what type of fund raising can i do, to raise money to adopt?" that one gets under my skin. it almost reduces an adoptee as a charity case instead of the longed for baby that these couples want.

Answer 19

Here's one of mine (pet peeves) and it's a current, open question right here on these boards:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

One other: (by adoptive parents, but not mine):

Why does my child want/need to find the "incubator" that gave her away?  Haven't I done everything for her?  Why doesn't she appreciate all the sacrifices I've made?

And, for the record, yes...I did actually hear an a-mom use the term "incubator" to describe her daughters natural mother.  I wanted to throw up.  It broke my heart, especially as I watched the anguish and guilt work it's way across the daughter's (age 15) face.  Poor kid.  I hope her a-mom has healed since then and come to a deeper understanding.

add: The setting in which I heard the "incubator" comment was in person, not on the internet.  I was in a support group open to all triad members together (something I think that a-mom may have forgotten).

Answer 20

"She's adopted?  Where is she from?"

"Was her birth mom young?"

"How did you find her?"

Also, RE: bride-of-tube-zombie's answer - that makes me absolutely ill that someone used the term incubator.  That is just disgusting...

Answer 21

I'd have to say the insensitive or thoughtless ones, normally from trolls.  If someone is asking a question from sincere interest, even if it's worded badly, it normally shows through and I'll gladly answer it if I can.  Trolls though, I have no time for and I just ignore them.