Which is better for your marriage: adoption or pregnancy?

Question

I've heard that having your own child makes your marriage better (makes you two closer) and I've also heard that it puts a bit of a strain to. I have heard that adopting brings you closer because you're helping out a needy child but that it is also less rewarding (for a BIG lack or a better term) for some folks because it is not your biological child.

any experiences, advice, or comments?

Answer 1

Gotta be frank here, but having a child in any way by pregnancy or adopting is not a way to strengthen your marriage.  

Children are human beings who should not come into a family with a job of strengthening a marriage.

ETA:  (big sigh of relief) . . . Glad to hear it!  We adopted our older daughter at birth (had repeated miscarriages) and were surprised with a successful pregnancy a few years later.  Having both worlds, either way, there is stress involved that can spill over into a marital relationship.  There was a lot more colaboation in homestudy, paperwork , etc. for the adoption, and my hubby helped out around the house more while I was pregnant, especially since I was not allowed out of bed!  It's a good stress on both though and being a parent is worth it, but for any couple that one party or the other hasn't "grown up" it can be very trying, stressful and damaging to a marriage.

Just glad that you're not looking to have a family to fix a marriage.  :~)

Answer 2

Sorry I don't get this question.

Neither.

Kids are a lot of work and you spend so much time and effort on them its easy to loose track of your marriage.  

Kids don't bring couples closer together, thats a big job for a little one.

Sorry i couldn't be of more help.  I think i just don't get the question.

Answer 3

it takes love, that's the point, if that's want you want, your own or to adopt, the marriage if is good it wont get better if you have your own or someone else,   it will be a strain either way, a child takes attion the only thing is you wont get fat, stretch marks, throw up, labor pains etc. but you will have all the paper work, and fiance beaches before the adoption goes through.  you will still have to go through the bonding time, learn the child, get used to a third person around it can be fun and trying. which ever you decide to do, that will be up to you. but you have to be closer before you do either.

Answer 4

I sooooo do not even Get this Question? What????

Parenting might be better for a marriage... Once a child is here and you don't take a double take the child is your responsibility--I don't think it much matters how the child got there.....  Getting the child is just the end of one short process in the start of a long life....

gee.... having my kids biologically was pretty hard.... I was very sick and high risk....not safe for me and looked just like their dad so.... didn't feel like mine any more then my adopted kids.....didn't get a c-section for them.....

Didn't have children to be rewarded .... so I don't know what that really means.... Wanted to be a mom because I am good at it...like it and enjoy the role.... didn't really have any other plan then to have a child I could raise up.... and see fly.

Answer 5

If the marriage is not working right to begin with then don't have a child because it is very stressful. I think there are way too many couples who think that having a child will help their rocky marriage.  It does not!!!

I don't think it is less rewarding to adopt.  I was adopted and never felt like I wasn't a family member.  My husband and I have a son and are pregnant with a daughter now.  I had lost 2 babies in 2006 and we were starting the adoption process when I found out I was pregnant this time.  We agreed that if we lost this baby then we would still adopt but she is fine and due any time.  We can't adopt now due to the financial strain.

Answer 6

Your concept of being a parent is incredibly shallow. I recommend getting a pet and forget about becoming a parent anytime soon.

Answer 7

Adopting a child is no different that having one biologically. My brother and sister were adopted and it was the best thing that happenend to me, my twin sister, and my parents.

Saying that it is less rewarding is one of the most disrespectful statements I've ever heard.

Adopted children may not grow in your belly, but they grow in your heart.

Both biological and adoptive children will strengthen any marriage. I would try both. My parents did and it was the most amazing experience.

Answer 8

I think having a child puts a bit of a strain on a marriage - period! Mainly because children take up alot of time and attention, and parenting skills might differ from person to person.

As for adoption vs. pregnancy, I think that would just depend on the couple and what route they want to take. But to actually raise the child...I don't believe there would be any difference.

Answer 9

I have 2 kids with my husband and yes I think that adoption would be a good thing or option if we would ever want more, but I think it would be the same because we will be taking the child like if it were our own so i think it would pretty much be the same about bringing us closer, but hey everybody is different.

Answer 10

A child is a child no matter what form in can to you in. If you give birth its your child and a  piece of each of you. But if you adopt you choose your child and this would bring you together. Most people say a child is born out of love but a child of adoption is born from your heart.

Answer 11

ok from both sides of THAT fence, here goes. My older sis adopted a ( their first) child, and we ( as a family) didn't really accept her as a member of the family BECAUSE she was adopted. We gradually did so, but only after her little sister, three years later, was born. Go figure.... Ok, my side... have had 6 kids. mine. placed 2 for adoption. my daughter is an only, but my son, is a younger brother. I, personally would not adopt... why?? I can have my own and I have a thing where I do not want to accept someone else's leavings. It takes a BIG heart to raise someone else's child, and i, sad to admit it, do not have that much love to raise another that didn't come from my body. I know, it sounds, and prolly IS petty, but u asked, and so, is my answer.

Answer 12

I guess it depends on the couple having children regardless if they are adopted or biologica If a person marriage is not already strong then no children should be brought in biological or adopted.  Most people who have kids adopted or bio would say that having kids brings a bit of stress to the marriage/relationship.  

Every child is a blessing. Most people who have kids find their kids rewarding to them in some way whether they carried them in their womb or adopted them. Any child can bring a couple closer together, if they are both seriously invovled in raising the child together.

Answer 13

A child is a child no matter if you carried him/her for 9 months or adopted.  Is not less rewarding to adopt- I know , I am adopted and have 2 adopted children.