Which is more important - relationship building or aggressiveness?

Question

I'm female and I work as a coordinator in a mostly male office. I'm not very comfortable being aggressive. I'm always considerate of what other people have on their plate and if they can accomodate what I need them to do in whatever timeframe. I usually try to negotiate and compromise so that everyone involved is appeased. The problem, I think, is I don't think the team I work for is happy with my approach. I still have to work with the other teams so I'm not comfortable making demands of them; I feel if I'm nice, but assertive, I can still get what I need done and not burn bridges for when I need them to do something for me in the future. It's worked for me so far. I feel like I'm the only was who is this way. I can be very passive and tolerable of some things. So, which is more important to you - building relationships and cooperation in working with others or aggressiveness? Are there any females who are the same way?

Answer 1

As harsh as it sounds I reckon you have to treat your team like they're the students and you're the teacher. If you come across as nice that might make them think you're easy to manipulate. Basically once you've lost them you can never gain the adequate respect to perform your job properly. You need to start off as assertive but reasonable (not nice). So make it clear what you expect and ensure they understand that they can't just take liberties. That should set you up to be "nice" later on. But nice to begin with as I say will only be doing them favours.

Answer 2

the sad fact is both... you seem slightly one sided in this thought, I have to be honest... when you present things in this manner, of course people will agree with you... but being direct and to the point, while maintaining a friendly disposition is key... I haven't mastered it yet, but I'm working on it!

Answer 3

I think when you have a position like you have, you have to balance both relationship building and aggressiveness. You want to be a team player but you also don't want people walking all over you.

Just ask your team if there is anything they feel that you could do better!?! Don't know if you are in a position to ask that or not.

Answer 4

Ah...the tricky topic of gender roles in the office. There is no easy answer. If you're too nice and empathetic, you're not respected for being a strong manager. If you're a take-no-BS person, you get labeled a bltch.

Try to be firm but fair, and...I hate to say it because it's not right, but it's necessary to maintain your leadership role...don't be too personally friendly with your direct reports.

Answer 5

Definitely understanding and assertive.  As you said- you don't want to burn bridges, yet they still need to respect your authority.

Answer 6

I find that building relationships is more important, because once people like you, they'll be more likely to listen to you when you do need to be aggressive.

Answer 7

If the Industry that you're working in doesn't call for a leader that is aggressive, then your approach may be just fine.  You said that it's working for you.  If it ain't broke, I guess you don't have to fix it; only improvement and tweeking.

But some women work in Hardercore Industries where it is necessary to be highly aggressive, regardless of gender.  If you're a woman and you've got yourself a Department full of blue collar men, you will NOT achieve team harmony being nice.  You will NOT reach team goals being passive aggressive.  And you will NOT have those men's respect being a sweetheart.  Those men will say "**** you" right in your face.  You cannot be nice then.  If they come to work drunk or high, you cannot be nice then.  Time and place.

But I don't think you work in a place like that: Construction, Building, Steel Mills, Distribution, etc.  So you're all good.  In an "office environment", things are much different.  You have the office politics, and a** kissing.  But in a straight male dominated labor environment, a Supervisor who is a woman, must be very strong willed.  There's a time for being nice and friendly, and a time for putting your foot down.  

I've been there.