Which one of us is wrong?

Question

My friend and I are having a disagreement. We are both disabled I am a little higher functioning physically. She has a disability so severe she cannot feed or toilet herself. I can do both of these things as well as feed her. Our disagreement comes on the subject of children. She has decided she wants to have a child and raise it without a father. I however believe you you can't take care of yourself fully you have no right bringing a child into this world it is just mean to set up another human to start off bad. These are the reasons I have decided to remain child free. I mean think of the things in life the child will miss out on because the parent can't take care of them properly. Before anyone gets on my case too bad I should clarify that I feel this way too in regards to Able-bodied people having kids they can't look after in all ways. I just think if people exercised a little more social responsibility the world would be much better off.

Answer 1

I would have to agree with you, since you have valid points.  If a parent is not able to take care of him/herself, then the child will probably have a disadvantage growing up.  However, It is her human right to pick and choose if she wants to have children or not, if she is her own guardian, and I have seen disabled people who have raised children (but with a partner).  I also saw a documentary about a mother with no legs, on the discovery channel a while ago but I can't find it now.

see Mother with no arms video below, . (IF There's a will there's a way).

Instead of arguing with her, I would gather videos of people who have disabilities and their children portraying what they think, how they live(both parent and child).  Offer videos with positive outcomes as well as a negative outcomes then have her tell you if she still has not changed her mind.

So, I guess neither one is 100% right or wrong.

Answer 2

If this were the case with your friend not being able to feed or dress/toilet herself, then she would not be allowed to keep a child.

Answer 3

I believe that children need two parents.  As it take two to have a child.

While there is help available for parents with raising children.

Answer 4

I think it's  selfish for a person to have a child.

You're right. If you cannot take care of yourself, you shouldn't have a kid. That's like kind of punishing the child over something they have no control over.

Not just people with a disability either, anyone. If you can't or don't want to care for a child, don't have one

Answer 5

Your friend probably should not have children by herself, judging by the points you have made. However, you should probably try to convince her to not have children, and kindly point our why, rather than arguing with her.

Answer 6

i would have to agree with you. she would not be able to take care of a child, or herself. all the mothering would have to be done by someone else, so it would be like having a baby and letting someone else adopt it. if she wants to spread her dna, she may, but she cannot raise a child by herself, and if she raises a child with help, the child will be raised by the helper.

Answer 7

Adopt a child that is a teenager there is alot of them out there that just need a place to live, a baby is  huge responsablity  try looking after a puppy for the weekend..... they are a lot of work.

Answer 8

My suggestion if she really wants a child (and is physically capable of carrying a baby to term...):

Find a family who would like to adopt a baby in an open adoption.  She could carry the baby for the family, and they would support her in her pregnancy and labor. The baby would live with that family and be cared for by them, but she would be allowed to see and be an active part in the child's life and development. In this way, she can have a child without the struggles and cost of assistance, and a family who really wants a child and can't have one for some reason will get the experience of such.

It sounds as if she has a lot of trouble doing day-to-day activities. A baby is a LOT of work, and if she cannot feed herself, how does she plan on feeding her child, and how will she care for the baby's day-to-day needs if she cannot care for her own?

I think doing the open adoption plan would be the best of both worlds; she can have a child to care about and love, but someone else cares for the child's needs and makes sure the child is happy and healthy...the child just now has two mommies, and that's not a bad thing!

People with disabilities -can- and -do- have children, but it is a big challenge, and it is certainly not something for -anyone- (whether they have a disability or not) to do alone. A child needs two parents; single-parenting is difficult for everyone, and I think no one should plan to have children alone...

Answer 9

Lots of disabled parents cannot toilet them self. Few disabled parents cannot feed them self. Her disability does not making parenting insurmountable. She would require considerable supports.

It sounds as if she would not be able to get pregnant through traditional means and that might be her biggest obstacle. How would she get pregnant? I doubt very much any insemination clinic would do it. I doubt an adoption agency would allow her to adopt.

Once the baby arrived, I doubt they would allow her to take the baby home until and unless she had plans for 24 hours assistance. Many parents have had their children taken away when they did not have their children adequately prepared for. If she already had children and acquired her disability it would be a different situation.

I am not saying it is impossible - but to do it alone is as close to impossible as I can imagine.

Answer 10

No woman should have a child on her own.  A child needs a mother and a father.  One parent can not do it all.  

Answer 11

As long as she has teh physica supoprt set up--she is right to fulfill her desire to have a child..

it's not like she won't have someone to physicaly help her--

she will just be the sole emotional parent---there is nothing wrong with having a physical caretaker to accomplish that

Answer 12

I  consider  that  a  man  with  a disability  like  this  so complicated  that  cannot  feed or toilet herself ,then in this  case  it's  very  difficult as  to  take  a  decision  in  this respect ..Anyway  i don't  know  how many  chances  are  in  your  family  for  a child  ,anywise  it's  a thing

alarming  because  a person  which has a  disability  can't  take  care     of he  himself,  then for a child  not at all . Anyway even is impossible  because to surmount difficulties   is unthinkable .  

Answer 13

It sounds like you are very smart, and very in touch with who you are and are realistic about what you can and can't do because of the limitations you have.  I totally agree with your thoughts and reasonings, I can understand your friends desire to be a mother, I think every girl wants that, but yes you are right, it would not be fair to a child, and could be downright dangerous, I mean how do you stop a child from getting hurt or doing something dangerous if you can't physically stop them?  I feel for her, and I know it has to hurt to come to terms with the fact that you can't do something you really want to, but maybe she can look into some programs or something where maybe she can spend some time with children or help with children, maybe that will help  quench her parental instinct!!  Keep up the good work, and keep being such a good friend!!

Answer 14

Since your friend is unable to feed herself, dress herself, or toilet herself, then your friend should not be allowed to have and keep a child.

Answer 15

if she can afford the proper care for the child then i would not be opposed. if she is unable to provide care then it would not be wise to have a child to fend for them self..it is not wrong for a woman to desire children. it's natural..it just may not be the best idea

Answer 16

I'm a bit of siting on the fence hear  ivf would not be available  she would have to pay and ye some one would if you payed them ... money talks if a 70 year old is aloud to have a child then yes if this is her wish .. why not  look at yourselves them that have children already  if your in a car accident and end up severely disabled dose that give any one the right to take your children away  if you have no brain damage ? the answer is no with help and support you can have your children at home  same as this lady ... but wot she needs to consider is  position on no farther now that's not fair at all even in ivf your children have the right to no who dad is ... so my answer is yes she shud have the right to have children