Which one of us was rude?

Question

After living in our house for about 7 months, we had a storm that was quite strong, tearing up most of the roofs in the neighborhood. My husband got on the roof to decide the extent of the damage and do some repairs, while my two young children, our 75 lb dog, and I played in the back yard.

A neighbor from across the street (we don't even know his name) kindly comes over and asks if we need help, bringing his older kids (about 8 and 10, I would guess). Before I can even answer him, he reaches over the gate to open the latch, sending my dog into a frenzy. He opens the gate and steps in, acting surprised that my dog rushes to him. Fortunately, he stood still at that point, and I was able to grab the dog and take him to the garage.

He takes a bag of shingles up to the roof, leaving me with his 8 year old daughter, who then proceeds to the gate surrounding the pool, which I had closed to keep my young kids out. I tell her we leave the gate closed for safety, but she pushes and bumps against it until she defeats the latch and gets onto the deck, splashing in the pool. When my 4 year old tells her she's not supposed to be up there, she calls her a name, I don't really remember what it was - not too bad but definitely uncalled for. My husband told her "You do not speak to my daughter that way."

Then I have to go in for a minute to grab something for my husband. I take my kids with me, not wanting to leave them around the pool, and lock the door behind me because this girl has been asking to come in the house for several weeks, and she seems to have no sense of boundary (we found her in the garage with our dog, who was chained there, barking like crazy). When I come back, she has pulled down the curtains on the outside of the door, and actually tries to push past me into the house, bumping into me two or three times. I stand there, blocking her, and say firmly, "No, ma'am, I said no." Which is exactly how I talk to my kids.

After this, the neighbor man quickly leaves, taking his daughter with him, and now they don't seem as friendly as they did before. Even five months later, I wonder if he was insulted by this, and feel a little bad, but at the same time wonder how we could have responded any better to such a breach of what we view as courteous respect of boundaries. What do you think?

Answer 1

I think that you are fortunate to be rid of them.  However, when you took your kids into the house, I do think think that you left her unsupervised since she had been left in your care and could have been hurt in some way.  For the most part, count your blessings, that kid sounds like a true diva-brat.

Answer 2

No

Answer 3

First, your neighbor was rude to barge in like that.  He and his wife have managed to rear a rude little girl.

Your neighbor most likely has no idea that he and his family are rude and probably was insulted that you maintained your boundaries with his little girl.  Don't feel bad -- be glad!  Trying to be nice to these kinds of people causes ill feelings all the way around.  Living in a neighborhood is like living with a dysfunctional family.  If you try not to hurt feelings, you would end up a prisoner in your own home, afraid to go out for fear that the rude neighbors will once again come barging in.

Continue to be friendly, but also maintain your boundaries.

Answer 4

i don't think u did something impolite, i mean if i were u, i would have beaten the girl because she was impolite and violent and i can't stand kids like that especially if they're old enough 2 understand the gd from the bad. but i believe that ur neighbor's upset because he doesn't act like u, i mean his daughter is a great way 2 show u how he educates his kids, and if he doesn't teach them manners, then he has 2 expect strangers 2 do because they don't have 2 stand her actions and forgive her and let her do everything she wants, then his anger is irrational, and he only should be angry at himself because he showed others that his kids aren't well educated, and that he failed in making them civilized enough for the external world. don't be upset, and if he's no more kind then it's better, because then u won't have 2 deal with his horrible daughter. no more sorrows or regrets, u did what u had 2 do,

Answer 5

Nope you did a good job. Its your property and you make sure she follows your rules and make sure she doesn't get hurt.

Answer 6

I don't think either of you were necessarily rude.  It sounds like he was really trying to be a good neighbor and helpful.  With respect to the daughter, it sounds like she may have some other issues (mental or emotional) that make dealing with her rather difficult.  He may be too embarrassed or shy to discuss (particularly with those he does not know well.)  

If you are trying to mend fences, you may want to consider sending him a neighborly note, thanking him for his assistance with the roof.  Perhaps in a later conversation, you can express your concern for the daughter's safety, i.e. - finding her in your garage with the dog and her determination to get into your pool area.  That may be an opportunity for him to tell you whatever is the issue with her. In any event, I don't think you did anything wrong at all.  

Answer 7

Oft times we need to show the boundaries to our neighbors, people will test their limits and their daughter is a direct reflection of how they see personal space and regard for others feelings, You are fine who cares if neighbors you hardly know seem less nice to you

Answer 8

You were not rude.  As you state it's a boundries issue and possibly a behavioral problem with the daughter.  Make no mistake that the father is well aware of and perhaps chooses to do nothing about the daughter's behaviors.  She very likely should be evalutated for an IEP at school for these problems, who knows...especially at the age you describe.  Mind your own business here, is my suggestion.  You don't know them well enough to start suggesting these things to them.  It's up to them, a close family friend, pastor, or the school to recommend testing/evaluation.

Are you sure you even want to really know these neighbors?