Whick of these will cause less stress for my child??

Question

I have a 4 year old son and a 6 year old daughter. I'm not with the fathers. (I don't need relationship advice and can go without the mean comments, but thanks) My daughter is in school so she is with me all week and with her dad every other weekend and that's been working fine for us. But my son goes back and forth. He has him a few days a week and i have him a few. It's split in half. My son has been acting out. Do you think it will be better to let my sons dad have him every other week and for him to go a week with out seeing me or his sister or is it worse to have a child going back and forth. Please only give me kind advice.

Answer 1

Well thats a tough question..I think it is a much better set up if it was everyother weekend contact. maybe one night he could stay the night during the week.. I have a friend in the simular situation  the child has gone through a lot.. its very hard on a child as you know. I'd discuss it with his father...thats the best thing to do.

Answer 2

I know separated parents who have managed the schedule both ways.  I think the most important thing is to discuss it often with the kids so they know what to expect.  At four years old, he probably doesn't really know the different between four days or a week, so as long as he is told how many days until the next change that should help.  No one likes uncertainty, and if he doesn't feel secure that may increase his acting out.  It may cause some confusion between the kids since they are on different schedules.  Perhaps a big calendar that you can colour code for each of them, and have them each cross off or make a mark each day so they can see the progress of time might help.  And, although he is only 4, he still is old enough to have an opinion on the schedule, he just may not have the words to explain it well without some help and understanding.  

Although not the ideal situation, I firmly believe that having the dads involved is a good thing, even though it takes a bit more work to manage.  Good luck!

Answer 3

Wow...

I think - if you are on speaking terms with his dad - that you should discuss this together.

The 'broken weeks'  would, for me, be more confusing than one week here, and one week there. (That has a distinct pattern to it, easier to handle for a 4 year old).

As i said - you should discuss this , and see if you can give it a test run. Be sure to talk seriously to your son (even though he is only 4) to ask him what he likes best - the broken weeks, or the week here, week there.

A week without his sister might even make it more enjoyable for both of them when they are together. If you can arrange it that both kids are away the same weeks, it`s even easier for you - schedule wise.

Good luck, whatever you decide.