White parents: What have you learned or noticed after adopting your AA or biracial child?

Question

Do u see things differently now that you have a child of color?

Answer 1

I've learned that people are cruel and hateful--even with children. I've learned that I must be more dilligent and more protective of my child. I've learned that racism still very much exists in this country. I've learned that white people AND black people can both be extrodinarily mean and rude. I've learned that I couldn't have created a more beautiful child. I've learned that his history and culture are a huge part of what makes up him and I would be a fool to deny that part of him. There are a thousand other things I have learned and noticed.

I think, at least through foster care, interracial placement needs to be discussed more and understood more. We were literally given 14 hours of training with every other person adopting....with absolutely NO reference to racial/cultural  issues. Everything we have done, we learned on our own or through this and other forums. We have people who have zero cares about our child's race, while others were so vile that we have had to eliminate them from our lives....and even some who did us the favor on their own...and removed themselves. In a lot of ways, it is kind of an 'us against the world' mentality. He is now a part of this family...if they don't fully accept him, they can no longer be a part of our lives. We live in a very small southern town, so there are probably differences for others...this is just our experience. There is no amount of training that can prepare you for the stares and openly racist statements. Everyone thinks I left my husband, everyone thinks I had an affair and decided to raise the child, everyone thinks we are 'such great people for doing this". Dog barks at him-'dogs are afraid of black people'. Throws his ball-"ooh, he is gonna be the next tiger woods'. Go to the beach-'black people don't need sunscreen' or 'you know black people can't/don't swim, right?'

I try to ignore all of that and focus on this beautiful little boy who means the entire world to me. His opinion is the only one that matters to me in the end.

<<adoptive mommy through foster care.

Answer 2

I saw one white woman on tv outraged that a black barbie doll was cheaper in price than a white barbie doll (They were the same kinda doll just one was black and one was white)

The white woman thought the store was being racist and sending a statement that black dolls are less value... her daughter was half black.

tickled blue, i think you need to move out the south... thats crazy

Answer 3

I haven't adopted a child of another race (yet) but my godchildren are AA and I had my goddaughter like--all the time until she became a teenager and I was no longer "cool to hang out with." I need to go over there one of these days....

Anyway, when she was young (preschool) I didn't notice too much, but as she got older (maybe 5 or 6) I noticed that I got a lot of "disapproving looks" if I took her to certain areas of town (like, north of my parents' house)

In this area, if a child is with you, people assume that they're yours. With them and our foster kids (AA and Hispanic) no one ever questioned if I was their mom (not really anyways... sometimes kids did out of curiosity)  but I learned that there is a difference that people want to treat them differently. My goddaughter loved the blond haired blue eyed Barbie when she was little. My mom insisted on buying her a black one, and she didn't even reconize the doll as a Barbie.

But kids are kids. We love them because God created them. If He entrusts us to care for them, it's a privledge that we should be thankful for everyday!

Answer 4

My child is Asian, not AA.  

But I've learned that people have more capacity to love than you give them credit for.  Even the members of my family that are the most racist came around and love her to death.

Answer 5

My child is NA and he told us last night that he has brown eyes like both his daddy's and we said - yeppers you sure do and a nose like your first mommy - he started laughing - and he snorts when he laughs so it makes him laugh more...it was a good memory for his first mother and father.

Answer 6

I am white.  Now that I have adopted a Hispanic child, I am VERY in tuned to and sensitive about Hispanic issues here in the USA.  My son is my everything; my everything is Hispanic.

Answer 7

Not one thing different.  All three of my children are different races and it seems that others notice it more then my wife or I do.  We are not parents of children of colour, we are parents of children (period).

Answer 8

My husband and I are Caucasian and we adopted two African children.  My husband's family is all pretty much blond haired/blue eyed Norwegians, but my family is quite ethnically diverse.  My children aren't the only non-white faces in the family photo, not by a long shot!

Growing up in such a family, racial issues have always been in the periphery.  If anything, looking at racism from the lens of my children being affected, has made it more profound.  I mean, you're talking about "Mother Bear" feelings here!  

Otherwise, I've had to learn about skin/hair care.  The absence of African (or AA) representation in toys/books/movies is more noticible to me.  

I'm just grateful that we don't have to go far for support!

Answer 9

s***w being all 'pc' for the sensitive right now.  I'm 'yellow' I guess since we're going by 'colors'...my parents were the All American blonde hair/blue eyes couple who ended up with the chinkiest look'n kids.

To this day I have to say even tho- they did their 'best' with the knowledge they had in raising us regarding adoption issues...they have no real clue that um, hello I am different...just look in the mirror.  I do have to face racial issues that they will never have to face.  Sometimes I think they are oblivious to the differences which is good but then again, is it?

I remember tho- back in 6th grade my mom scooped me out of class early because she had heard that I had been made fun of.  Seriously mom, I was a-ok...why, because I already knew to stand up for myself and made a racial slur right back..was that right no but did it resolve the issue...yes it did.  Fortunately, I didn't have to face too many roadblocks based on how I look but I know that deep down my mom would have loved to have a child that reminded her of herself...not of how she couldn't reproduce.  

As children we're actually quite resiliant & that's when they think they need to protect you...it's when we become young adults we realize the reality of how different we really are and who we naturally end up gravitating towards.  Everything seems peachy keen & then one day you wake up, you're 16 & in a room full of 60 relatives & not a single one looks remotely like you, aside from the one asian brother *technically we don't even look alike as we have different facial features but we're asian..we're assumed to be identical twins, seriously.  And sorry dad, I didn't bring home a white boy this time.  

Sorry I totally went off track so back to the question - I hope that my parents learned that regardless of the upbringing, biologically I look differently from them, therefore I will be treated differently from them.  Don't worry, I am always okay because we're expected to be. In the end it's what's in the heart & not who we look like...although I would love to see what my biomom looks like.