White women, do you identify with black women?

Question

If so, in what ways...

I ask because some black militants say that part of the division in the black community is directly related to black women taking on feminism. Once they did, white women ran to black men, and there was even a magazine article back in the 70s that said something along the lines of "We take care of black men better than you" along with a WW/BM couple on the cover.

So...if you do relate, how do you relate? Do you have any close black female friends?

Answer 1

I am actually a white woman (28) despite my avatar's appearance. I'm friends with black women, through a common social network of artists and musicians, and race is never an issue. Because we identify mainly as artists and social liberals, our common ground is simply understood as undifferentiated. You can form friendships based on your real personal interests and then deal with any interpersonal dynamic issues you have one by one. The idea of holding a bias about 1970's politicized media is no good. Social life moves way faster than popular media, and by now that magazine story is a relic of a grotesque past. We all have to deal with the ACTUAL relationships we have at hand NOW, for our relationships to have appropriate meaning, not let the media carry over a bias that we don't know from experience.

Answer 2

You know, Reisling, this is a really interesting question for me because I have always felt more comfortable with black people, well, almost always. When I was really young my parents divorced and my mom moved us far away. We were poor so we would take the Greyhound bus to visit my dad every summer instead of driving. I remember being in the bus stations and there would always be an old black man singing somewhere. I was always running off and sitting next to him. I sough out black people for some reason. I felt safer around black people than anyone else. It was weird when my mom explained the whole slavery thing to me. I just couldn't wrap my head around it and I still can't. I don't believe in reincarnation or anything, but something makes me feel like I do relate.

Later in life, in highschool and college, I had some really ugly run-ins with young black males. It was always about the intersection of s*x, dominance and violence and I saw it in males of all races so I figured (rightly) that it was about gender and not race. This did nothing to keep me from relating well with black people but it did make me less trusting of, and friendly toward, certain kinds of males.

I think what it really comes down to is this: Difference hierarchies are designed to reinforce the power elite by creating unnatural hierarchies based on natural differences. The more closely you resemble those in power, the more unearned privlidges you are given. The wedges driven into human rights movements are placed there by the elite in order to keep people from uniting. The worst fear of the tiny minority in power is that the vast majority who are downtrodden and exploited might one day unite and take what rightly belongs to them.

I don't think anything is wrong with interracial relationships, but I frown upon female acrimony and cattiness over men. Again, the female (and male) competition boils down to division.

As far as how I relate, I'm not sure if I do completely. I mean, I grew up with my hispanic grandparents a lot and I dealt with some racism there, but not much because I "pass" for white. Most of my ancestry is indigenous to North or South America. I was horrified to discover what attrocities were committed against my people, so I can relate in that way, but I also relate to the suffering of all our ancestors. I'ts about the ability to have compassion. Some people have compassion, others don't. Compassion is really a big part of my nature for whatever reason so when I encounter suffering, my heart breaks. I feel it as if it were my own. It's weird. Sometimes I feel like I'm weeping for the things the rest of the world forgets to notice, or intentionally ignores. I see it as a gift. It enriches me in that I am able to forge deep, fulfilling, transformative connections with many people. It is a gift the Great Mystery bestowed upon me and it is my responsibility to show grattitude by sharing it with the world. I know that sounds cheezy, but it's my experience of things.

I'd love to talk with you more about race. It is the part of domination hierarchies I understand least. I'm actually doing research for a book. If you'd be willing to share your experiences let me know. Aloha relative.

Answer 3

Honestly, not much in high school.  It seemed like they had different priorities then I did.  Liked many of them, cant say I was really close with any.

Military life was different, it's very non racial in the military.  Everyone is on equal grounds to succeed or s***w up.  Life styles are the same, goals are the same.  Had quiet a few black friends while in.  One woman I meet while pregnant I'm still really close with.  She is on the other side of the world right now but we still email and such.  She has a little boy a month older then my daughter, we joke that the two should marry.

Back in civilian life.  Few will talk with me...beyond simple small talk.  I dont really understand it.

I'm from and live in the south maybe that has something to do with it.

Answer 4

I don't have any close Black female friends but only because no Black people live in the county that I live in!  Seriously.  When I went to college, I met a Black person for the first time and we became very good friends, but we didn't really talk about color at all.  Just girl stuff like all my other friends (who included a Mandarin Chinese girl).  You have no IDEA what I would give if we had some cultural diversity here.

Answer 5

I can relate to any woman who has ever dated a man.  We put up, been through and carry a lot...sometimes too much.  I have a roommate that is white and I can relate to her as a person, but I don't know if she could relate to me as a black woman.  She dates a black man and I have no issue with that, but I think she could never truly understand what it is like being a black woman.  We were talking about racism one day and I said I hate when I get discriminated against, she said she did to.  I told her she didnt' understand and she said, she gets it all the time her and her husband is together, I said, that is when you are together, I get discriminated against when I am alone, when you are alone you are just a white woman.  She didn't say anything, but what was there to say.  I think its hard to relate to any race, because we don't experience what they have or what they do.

Answer 6

I never knew many black people, but I imagine relations with them would be no different than my relations with white people.

Answer 7

Really? Wow. That's pretty wrong.

I think black women are beautiful and strong. I feel I could relate to them, but I'm not sure how. being a woman can be tough, so I can't imagine what it's like to a black woman. I get the stupid Dumb Blonde stereotype thrown at me all the time. I've been called stupid to my face and a B***h by people who don't know me. And I've never understood that.

I do have black women acquaintances, but not really friends. I've been looking for a gal I went to elementary school with from Baltimore, and we were very close until I moved. I've still not been able to find her.

I think it's wrong to say one is better than the other. I would hope that some people just have different preferences as to whom they date.

Answer 8

My family is pretty diverse and I have friends from all over, so I 'know' women from a varietry of cultural and ethnic backgrounds, including my own, and relate to them as friends, colleagues, family members etc, but not as if I am in their skin.

Obviously women who look more 'ethnic' than me or are a different colour or race, or are from somewhere else, or are richer, or poorer, or just aren't me have had a different life experience.

I'm not them, and I don't pretend to be, although I am always be ready to offer my support to anyone who wants to pursue their goals or challenge inequity.

There do seem to be quite a lot of things women from anywhere have in common with others, and a whole lot of differences. Personally, I like to start with what we share, and move out from there, whenever I meet someone new, regardless of who they are.

I'm not sure if that answers the question, but that's also because I'm not 100 per cent sure what you mean by 'identify with'. I do know I don't now (and never have in the past) been one to chase after s*x based on skin, regardless of whether that skin is coloured by nature or art.

Cheers :-)