Who can I go to about this?

Question

This may sound a bit crazy but I am telling you all the truth. My partner and I both work for the same people in the same restaurant/bar, we went for the interviews together as a couple so our bosses (they are husband and wife) have always known about us being a couple. Well, at the interview the wife asked my partner ''do you find me attractive?'' which I think was a totally inappropriate question in the first place but then they started to discuss the possibility of only hiring one of us (which we didn't really mind) until her husband said ''so who would you lean towards then'' and she replied with ''well I like boys''. We all just laughed it off but to be honest I truly think she has some sort of crush on my partner as she treats him differently to how she treats me (and the rest of the staff actually) and I was just wondering how I go about reporting this to someone if it gets any more out of hand but I don't know who I would go to about it. Do you think this should be a concern to me? I fully trust my partner and I dont believe he would do anything but I dont trust my boss, I dont think it is good bussiness to hire someone you oviously fancy as well as his partner.

Answer 1

IF things progress, go to your boss about it - confront her first of all about how she handles the staff differently and how you feel she treats your husband. If things got really out of hand, you could take her to court (ie you would need to hire a solicitor). You could also go to citizen's advice bureau, they are helpful.  

She hasn't done anything wrong as yet though, and you don't give any specific examples of how she's treats your partner differently. Some women are just flirty with men, and of course you're bound to take more notice if the man is your partner and it's a work situation. It's a bit weird to interview a couple, and a bit stranger still to hire a couple.

For all you know, her asking 'do you find me attractive' could have been purely to test YOUR reaction, and how you might deal with customers flirting with your partner (you are in a bar/restaurant after all).  

Are these feelings just yours? Does your partner feel he gets treated differently, and does he have a problem with it?  

Answer 2

I manage a large team of staff and personally I think this is horrendous behavour. No wonder you felt uncomfortable. Unfortunately you need to ask yourself  what would you achieve taking this further and also how would your boyfriend feel about you doing this. If he is handling the situation and does not want it taken further it may come between you. She is obviously quite insecure to have made such a comment in the first place. Why not keep a notebook handy and make notes of any inappropriate behavour toward you and if she bullies you at least you have dates and facts to back it up. As far as your boyfriend goes if he is also unhappy about this then he needs to raise the issue and I suggest he also takes notes and if he is comfortable enough that he tells her he is not comfortable with that behaviour. Good Luck I hope it works out for you!!! :o) Rosa

Answer 3

you need to confront her and ask her why she makes a difference in the two of you if she doesn't explain why you need to go and see  ACAS or the citizens advice and see what they say as i think you are entitled to an explanation of why she is behaving like this she knew from the interview your were both a couple to be honest i would advise the both of you to find other jobs as  i wouldn't work for people like her what does her husband say talk to him too and see what he says  

Answer 4

Ask me anything, I think is already out of hand and it began at the interview. How far out of hand is it going to get before you do something?

This is nothing short of sexual harassment and in the workplace, it is against the law. Therefore, you can take this to a solicitor and have them write a letter to the perpetrators. This is unlikely to improve working relationships and may lead to you being given your notice. If this happens you have a claim for unfair dismissal.

I would begin by voicing your concerns to your employers. Be courteous and to the point and don't make threats of any kind, it will only add powder to their guns. Be reasonable and present to them a well balanced argument.

See how it goes.