Who can forgive a man who cheats on you?

Question

I am completely heartbroken right know so confused on what to do, my husband cheated on me while I was pregnant with our child 6 years ago, I decided to forgive and try to forget but it still haunts me from time to time and still makes me so angry, so to make a long story short I am pregnant again due really soon well my husband come to find out went to a strip club a few nights ago I thought he was working late, well he lied at first and said he went to a bar with his boss but his shirt and pants reeked like perfume after telling him he was lying over and over he finally admitted he went, I asked if he got a lap dance and he said no (so why would his clothes smell like perfume if he did not) I guess I am asking without proof and just a gut instinct can women forgive could he have been truthful or do you believe once a cheater always a cheater..

Answer 1

once a cheater always a cheater....and once a lier always a lier...Its sad to say but he probably did cheat on you. And its sad he dose that when you are pregnant with his child. What a loser.. I would try to get someone to get proof and than leave his *** and get money for child support.

Answer 2

I did..

I think you're having trust issues right now because of the circumstances. He cheated on your the first time when you were pregnant and now your pregnant again so you're thinking it may happen again by association. It's been six years so what happened should be in the past. I'm not saying it still doesn't hurt or that we don't still think about it but we need to try to move on. However, I can see how you being pregnant now could stir up those doubts again. I hope your husband has been faithful to you but try not to dwell on that horrible experience in your life. You don't need additional stresses now.

Answer 3

Hi. I'm still dating my boyfriend after we cheated on eachother. It's extremely hard to deal with. He did not tell me until after a year had past since the incident. After I left him for another guy, a really good guy, he finally wised up and realized how much of a r****d he was being. Sometimes it takes a total severence of a relationship to make changes occur. He and I are happier now. We have problems yes, and have broken up a few times, but i believe trust is more important than monogomy and i cant see myself with another man for a long time. im in love, and love conquers all.

Answer 4

NO COS HE'LL JUST DO IT AGAIN...

Answer 5

that happens alot..  just forgive him.. he's not perfect my god.....   give him another break.. he loves u or he woulden't be with you ; )  

Answer 6

Once upon a time, many years ago when I was younger and immature I cheated.  It was a stupid, incredibly selfish and hurtful thing to do to my wife.  I am ashamed that I did it, but I can honestly say that I have not done it since.  To answer your question, anyone can grow up and change if they are truly willing to do so.

Maybe I'm the exception.  Sounds to me like your husband is going down the same path.  I feel bad for you.

Good luck.

Answer 7

Obviously this man has a problem with honesty. It really is beside the point whether he got a lap dance or not! The point is:  he lied to you over and over and you just took it! You should kick him out. Don't even wait until you have the baby. Enlist someones help, a friend or family member, during this time to help with the kids and the house or move in with someone who understands and can support you.  You do not need someone with a toxic influence in your life. If you are worried about money go on public assistance if you have to and then when the baby is a few months old get a job!

Answer 8

Are you sure that he was really at a strip club with his boss?  If he wasn't then he was with someone very close to be smelling of perfume. I would check things out and make sure he was where he told you he was if possible. Most strippers are very careful about wearing perfume because I hear that most do not want the men going home to the unknowing wife and cause problems for him. If he was at a strip club and one of the strippers had on perfume you can bet one had to be  up close and personal on your husband because he would not carry the scent of her perfume on his clothing home like that. What he did just by going to that club was disrespectful to you especially since you forgave him for cheating on you once before. I would not tollerate his behavior or allow him to give you the excuse that he went to the club because of his boss and if this is the kind of man that he works for and your husband cannot tell him no then it's time for him to find new employment. Does the wife of the boss know about her husbands whereabouts that night?

Answer 9

been there ,will never go back  

Answer 10

I just found out my husband was cheating on me today. We just split up. I am heart broken and devastated. My gut told me he was and he kept saying he wasn't. Then I found he had a profile on adult friend finders, then he told me about it. Your gut may be right. Trust yourself.

Answer 11

I can appreciate exactly how you feel.  I too well know the feeling as I was cheated on by my ex so many times I couldn't begin to count.  My case is different tho as we saw a counselor & found out he was a womanizer w/a BIG problem.  Was advised to take counseling for it.  Your situation is being triggered because of the one time he did cheat was also when you were pregnant.  Therefore all the memories are flooding back in your mind.  Which of course is very understandable.  In a "normal" relationship, I do believe it's possible for a person to make a mistake, realize it, ask for forgiveness & NOT do it again.  I'm not one to believe once a cheater always a cheater, even tho my case was extreme.  I do know we can forgive, as you did, but we never forget.  How can we be expected to.  I know if it were me, I'd come rite out & ask why did his clothes smell like perfume.  Tell him it's just something that is very important to you in knowing & would he just honestly tell you the truth.  If he did have a lap dance, then fess up.  At least you'd know then why the perfume odor.  Don't tell him that tho, just ask why he reeked of perfume.  Just try to impress on him the whole situation w/you is in being honest w/you, & you need his honesty above all else.  I can very well appreciate how you feel & the reasoning behind it all.  But even after all I went thru, I can honestly say I don't believe once a cheater always a cheater.  I DO wish you all the best & trust you can get this straightened out for your sake, for your peace of mind...best to you w/your new baby too...:)

Answer 12

It isn't one gender or the other who cheats, My very first girlfriend went black and then came back when he got thrown in jail. I wasnt having it so she got with someone else and cheated on him, once a cheater always a cheater reguardless of gender.

Answer 13

It is try once a cheater always a cheat you shouldn't have taken him back the first time he changin ma'am check him

Answer 14

That's my philosophy, once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater. It's in their blood, not literally. Ok, something drove him to cheat on you when you were pregnant the first time now you are pregnant again and he's doing senseless c**p like this. This does not sound good and I would definitely recommend that you get out. You both have another big, huge responsibility coming soon, a life. And it seems like he is not willing to do his part so you might have to start getting used to being a single mother. Good Luck!

Answer 15

Talk to him. Set boundaries and get counseling for yourself to deal with the hurt!  So you can be healthy and happy with or without him! The healthier you become, the more insight you will have & the less mistreatment you will put up with! You and your kids are worth more than that

Answer 16

depends how much of an idiot he is like, if you know him well enough then you would know if hes good enough to cheat on you again or not...

Answer 17

NO... if he is weak i would not want to be married to him... cheating is a sign of weakness and No self control..........

Answer 18

It would be easy to tell you to leave and forget him but with one child and another one on the way you probably feel like its not that simple.  Only you can make the decision if you want to believe him, leave him, or let it go.  If its just too much then you have to do whats best for you.  If your completely unable to trust him and unhappy all the time you won't be able to give your kids 100%.  If you want to stay with him then you need to lay down the law, one more time and I'm gone.  If you just can't bear it, I would get through the rest of your pregnancy, focus on you, your baby, and your other child and then cut your losses when your emotionally sound.  If he doesn't value your marriage and family enough to stay focused then cut him loose.  Hope this helps

Answer 19

I would never forgive him. I would not be there to let him have a chance of doing it again. You deserve better than that. My thoughts are once a cheater always a cheater. I just would not be able to trust what he says.

You are not a weak woman. I think you have been really strong to forgive him in the past. I would not be able to.

Best wishes on the up coming birth.

Answer 20

No I CAN'T I had to live with that c**p my entire life. My parents just didn't try to hide it from me.

Answer 21

I don't think I could forgive that.

Your question about once a cheater always a cheater: I think it varies with each person. It sounds like your husband is still doing it.

I'm sorry this is happening to you. It sounds like he's killed any trust in the relationship. I hope you are in a position to leave him and either be on your own, or find someone who will love and respect you and your children.

I hope things get better for you.

Answer 22

even if he didn't cheat on u, he went out to a bar,left u at home,he lied to u, and smells like perfume.his actions speak for themselves,in his behavior and actions. what should u think?it will haunt u until he acknowledges he understands what he did last time and this time hurt u, and admits to being sorry.