Who do you love more??????

Question

Your adoptive parents or your birth parents???

OK don't answer that, because I'm just pointing out that these "do you love your bio kids more than your adopted kids" questions are a bit offensive, aren't they? What if adoptees started asking this question...I think it would p*ss off quite a few parents, wouldn't it?

Anyone else getting sick of this question?

Answer 1

I have to agree with you, that those types of questions are indeed offensive. I mean it basically means that the asker thinks that an adopted child is lesser as a person.

If some adopts it should be for the right purpose and that type of question would never enter their minds on how much they love their biological kids or adoptive kids!!

Answer 2

Yes i'm sick of that question. and there is usually a troll attached to it.

SL- You're answer to this question is just astounding. i want to know what about that answer makes you feel saphisticated? why would you tell people that adopted kids aren't loved as much as natural kids across the board. as if we aren't important. who are you?

Answer 3

well made point.

you know my answer, i adore all mine. everyone of them.

Answer 4

yeah. its just a stupid question. Who could actually answer that. Its like saying which of your children do you love the most!

Mental

Answer 5

Thanks Lillie!  I'm so sick of the question i couldn't even bring myself to answer it.

Answer 6

Good question.

Answer 7

I was about to scream when I saw this question again!

But I see your point...so I'll answer:

Yes, I'm really sick of this question. Thanks for asking.

Answer 8

birth!!!!!!!! obviously

Answer 9

yep 8)

Answer 10

Lillie,

I'm an adoptive parent, and I'm getting sick of this question, too!

It's insulting to those of us who view our children as...well, as our children. Not our "adopted children" but just our children!

Answer 11

Ya know I just happen to have both a biological child and adopted children and I really try not to take offense to such questions.  While adoption has become so much more acceptable in this day and age it still is no where near the norm when it comes to creating a family and I believe that most people who ask those kinds of questions truly mean no harm, but are just curious. Since the adoption of my kids I have had A LOT of questions from people...I really think they are just interested in something they have no experience with.

  Lets face it those of us who are lucky enough to have gone through a blessing like adoption should be willing to share our experience...as long as we don't gloat!  Adoption is a beautiful way to make a family and the more people we can convey that to the more families that might just be created that way.

Answer 12

I agree 100%. I wasn't adopted (although sometimes growing up I wished I was lol), but me and my husband are planning on adopting my sister-in-laws child in a few months. We are already looking forward to the arrival, even though I will be having a baby a month and a half before her, and I hate it when people say "well, that's not fair for your sisters baby since you will already have a newborn" or "so are you going to treat them both the same" etc. I feel that once you take a child into your home (whether adopting or having step children), they are to be treated as if they are your own. If you can't do that then you shouldn't adopt, simple as that! So, to answer your question, yes it gets on my nerves, more for personal that anything!

Answer 13

yes i am. ignorance is bliss for some people.

Answer 14

birth parents duh!!!

but that's because i don't have adoptive parents...

Answer 15

Absolutely - I think it's sick to even imagine that a parent would love a biological child more than adopted child.  I actually got into an argument with someone who told their child that Angelina Jolie's adopted children aren't "really" her children.  It made me sick to my stomach that someone could be teaching their children that.  How awful.  Anyone who thinks an adopted child isn't as precious or lovable as a biological child doesn't really want a child to begin with - they just want a clone of themselves.  Bravo to you for being intelligent!

Answer 16

With all due respect if you don't like the question, don't answer it.

Everyone has a right to ask an adoption related question no matter how silly or stupid you may find it.  As long as it's not violating the TOS then it has a right to be asked.

No one person or group of people has the right to dictate what questions can or cannot be asked.

ETA:  Your welcome.

Answer 17

I find it offensive regardless of who asks.

It is reinforcing the stereotype that adopted children are loved less than biological children.

***Before I get slammed I acknowledge that there are adopted children who have been treated terribly and I am not trying to dismiss your voice.

Answer 18

this is a weird question no offense

Answer 19

I think I would love my biological kids more just because I have a stronger maternal bond with them.

And I think I would get a little upset it my adopted kids started asking questions about their real mom and dad but I would understand.

I never knew who my real father was...I always thought it was my step dad until I was 14. Then I wanted to find out who he really was because I always felt like there was a part of me that was missing and I just thought deserved to know my other half. I think my step dad was a little hurt by it, but I made it known that he will always and forever be my dad and that means something special to me because he was there when he didn't have to be. My biological dad, I did meet him but I call him by his first name. I don't call him dad because that is not who he is to me. He wants me to call him dad but he should have thought about that decision before he decided to just leave me. I am not upset at him, but I make it known that I already have a dad and to be called my dad is a name you have earn...it's not just given.

Answer 20

thank you for clarifying, lillie, because i was inching close to cyber-homicide when i saw the same question posted twice:-)

YES. i'm tired of these types of questions. these and the "abortion/adoption", "preference for children to remain in abusive home vs. adoption", et al...types. yet, i do agree with CP: people should be able to ask what they want as long as it's relevant to adoption and doesn't violate TOS.  no matter how insane, asinine, as$-backwards, ignorant, redundant or ridiculous the question might be.

Answer 21

Indeed, these sorts of questions are asinine.  Funny, few people absolutely ballistic through the roof screaming "ANTI-ADOPTION, ANTI-ADOPTION" when an AP or PAP wonders about this.  But just let ONE adoptee even THINK of going there with this sort of question.  KABOOM!!

eta:  believe me, I realize it's not normally the adoptees, AP's and PAP's, but the misguided notions of those outside of adoption that usually come up with this kind of stuff.