Who do you love more ... your husband or your baby

Question

I read and heard that once you have your first baby all your attention ( and love) goes to the baby instead of your husband ... but i wonder why it did not happen with me

I love my baby SO MUCH but I love my husband maybe more than i loved him before having my baby

What i always heard is that the husband feels isolated and jealous when baby comes... guess what? it's me who feels that way when i see my husband giving so much attention to the baby and not me ( baby 8 weeks, and i have not fully recovered yet so need attention and feeling homesick, terribly missing family esp Mum)

husband comes from work, and asks about baby before asking about me, goes to kiss baby before me, sometimes hours pass by before him kissing or hugging me after work

i am so happy for baby he has such a loving dad, but i want to stay no one for him the way he stayed no 1 for me

i was wondering maybe the love i have for baby is different from the love i have for hubby... am i right? or i dont love baby enough?!!

need to mention that i am suffering from a lot of stress and quite bad postnatal depression and anxiety.. could this be the reason behind not bonding with baby the way all mothers do?

i am worried, pls tell me what you think

thanks in advance

Answer 1

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Answer 2

You have nothing to worry about. You can't compare the love for a child with the love for your husband. They are two different types of love and can not be compared. I love my children sooooooooooooooo much as mother-child is a very special bond. I love my husband too but in a different way.

Enjoy your son and enjoy your husband showing love to your child because before you know it they will have no time for you. But hubby will still be there. ENJOY!

Answer 3

The love I have for my son is very different than the love I have for my husband...I don't think I love either more than the other..it's just very different. I suggest talking to your obgyn about the depression...I'm sure she/he could help you there. Our son is 10 1/2 months old and I've felt the same way countless times...my husband never felt isolated or jealous, but I've felt isolated...it can be hours before my husband kisses, hugs, or asks me about my day, but the minute he comes home he searches for our son and snuggles him. I'm just thankful that he's such an amazing father. You might suggest a date night with your husband once a week...that's helped our marriage a ton. We normally just go to dinner just the two of us :)

Answer 4

It's a different type of love that you have for your husband and your kids.  I guess the way I always look at it is: I would kill for my husband, but I would die for my kids.  

Answer 5

sorry to say but obiously your baby you could split up with your man any time and you will have your child forever :')

Answer 6

My husband moans about our baby

He is a little rough with her and is often impatient and gets cross when she cries

Be grateful for what you have

I wish I had your problem

Answer 7

Its hard to say who I love more because the love I have for my partner, and the love I have for my son are very very different. A relationship definatley goes through some changes after bringing a baby home and we had somd hard times, still do really. I think I love him more than before our son because he is the father of my baby and that we have made it through so many hard times together. We're stronger for that.

Definatley, our son comes first in every situation but there is no way to say that one is loved more than the other.

Answer 8

It is not a matter of loving one more than the other.  You can not possibly love a child the same way you love your spouse.  You love your child as a product of the love between your spouse and yourself.  The love you have for your spouse is that grown from romance, the feelings of security and contentment, the closeness and comfort.  The problem between you and your husband is a lack of communication and your own jealousy.  You need to stop veiwing your child as "competition" for your husband's attention, and see the child as a product of your husband's love for you.  If he didn't love you I'm sure he wouldn't want to create a child with you, and he certainly wouldn't pay that baby any attention.  What I think is that you need to sit down and talk with your husband about your feelings.  Don't whine at him, don't confront him just sit down and talk.  

Answer 9

i love both my baby and my husband so much -- such a different type of love though as the others said.  Just because you have a baby doesn't mean the love for your husband changes. like you said, my love for my husband actually grew in intensity. i think because I realized how much i need him and how much we depend on each other. I'm constantly awed at how much love I have for him.  This love doesn't alter the unconditional love I have for my baby girl -- to me she is the most precious special thing who I would give anything for.

I think what you're feeling is totally normal -- especially if you're having postpartum!!  I would tell your doc about it so you can get treated. Why battle postpartum if you don't have to, right?!  The first few weeks of my baby's birth I was sooo jealous of the bond my husband was building with my baby. i didn't want his love for me to lessen, which--because i was hormonal & emotional--I thought it would. It didn't. His love for me has only grown.  

You don't need to question or worry about the love you have for your baby. the love you have is so instinctual, don't compare yourself to other mom's.  Not everyone is on the same timeline and it takes awhile for all of these postnatal emotions to settle.  Definitely get your postpartum depression treated -- I bet you'll feel a whole lot better and whole lot more confident!  In the meantime, tell your hubby how you're feeling. i did. i sheepishly said something like, "honey, I'm feeling kind of insecure lately and i really need you to pay attention to me and give me lots of affection and hugs. i know it sounds silly, but i'm just feeling emotional, so can you be sure to give me extra care and extra love?"

good luck!!

Answer 10

I love my baby more hands down!  BUT the love your feel for your husband/partner is different then the love you feel for your baby.  

Just think of ALL those father's out there that never hug or kiss there baby and don't even see there baby at all!  Be happy your husband is a great dad.  I understand your feeling a little down ( like you said post pardum depression ) but don't be "jealous" of your baby's attention, be happy!

Answer 11

my baby - no question.

id sooner live without my BF than live without my daughter. he knows this, ive told him and he says the same, he'd sooner be without me than without her. its the way it should be.

Answer 12

my baby

Answer 13

I love them both differently.

Right now your baby needs all of your time & attention, as he grows, things will go back to normal, including your marriage.

If time passes and you still feel this way, talk to a Dr.

Answer 14

my son hes my flesh and blood

Answer 15

i love my husband but there is no love like the love for your baby.

Answer 16

Your hormones are still all over the place so you are feeling over emotional.

Been there.

Things will settle down.

You would be more upset if your husband showed no interest in the baby believe me.

Everything will work out and get into perspective in a few weeks.

You will love the baby no matter what and your husband.

It's all new and you are just adjusting to a new life.

It will get better hun.

Answer 17

Your baby! Your children come before anyone else. Yes the love for your baby is different to the love for your husband. I think you are suffering from post natal depression & i hope things get better for you soon :)

Answer 18

Well I love my babies more than anything in the world...I sont care when my husband kisses them first...I WANT him to...I think you are right....your deppression is affecting you...see a doctor.

Answer 19

I love them both equally but in different ways but my baby is only 9 weeks old maybe my love for him will grow stronger than for my boyfriend in time I do not know.

Answer 20

I think you should talk to your doctor. Some of the feelings are normal but at 8 weeks I think most people feel a bond with their baby. I feel like my husband should be equally concerned about me and the baby. I think I still love my husband more I have a bond with my baby he is 3 weeks but I've been with my husband for 7 years.  

Answer 21

i don't think you should love anyone else more. both. they are your family.

Answer 22

i dnt have a husband. but most of my love does go to my baby. but my bf gets sum of it too

Answer 23

I love them both but in different ways I suppose.  My son (who is my first) is dependant on us for everything as he is a baby so the love I have for him is completely different to his father - he is only dependent on me for his meals!?!?!?  but seriously the love and support I have had from his father since my son's birth has been tremendous and I think has increased our love.....

Answer 24

baby!

they are 1/2 of you.

therefore your blood

Answer 25

I love my husband very, very much but my children come first and always will.  They come first for my husband too.  It is the way it is supposed to be.  The love that you have for your partner and children is very different and can't be compared.  It's like comparing sugar and salt....the same at first glance but very different.

Things will get better, you will feel better and the 2 of you will enjoy watching your child grow up.

Hang in there sweet.  Bx

Answer 26

It is not a question of who you love more - more that you love people in different ways.  It's wonderful that your hubby is so attentive to the new baby - but, I can understand if you feel that you are not getting so much attention.  The arrival of a baby always brings stresses and strains to a relationship as well as good things of course.  Try not to get stressed and anxious but rather enjoy this time.  Of course you love your child enough - but you are right, you love your baby and hubby in different ways - one is a child and the other an adult and your partner.  It's not a competion of love.