Who do you think has the right to post in the adoption section?

Question

I have read certain answers that say this section was great before all the bitter adoptees arrived and that we're ruining it for all the 'good' people.

Should this section just be for helping adoptive parents with their questions and issues only? What do you think the purpose of this section is?

Answer 1

Everyone has a right to post to this section for the intended purpose of Y!A.  It is not however a place for insulting people or posting a political soapbox or agenda.  

I am one of the people who has made comments about this category in the beginning.  I say that because when this category first began, people were respectful of each other's opinions regardless if they agreed or disagreed.  There was no name calling or insulting people.  

Granted, the number of people here who use this as a political soapbox is small and they are usually the same people who tend to insult others and send rude emails to others.  

NO ONE SHOULD FEEL AS THOUGH THEY CANNOT VOICE THEIR OPINIONS OR EXPERIENCE.  The only way that will happen is if everyone just "backs off" and says what they feel and not attack others for their answer.  

Let's get back to the real reason for this category....to answer questions posted about adoption - not attack each other for our viewpoints.

Answer 2

Anyone with a question or answer about adoption can use this section.

What is the purpose? I guess that's how you define question and answer. What I see a lot of is non-answers to a question. Many times a questioner is "bombarded" with opinions and insults rather than getting their specific questions answered. I pity the poor "newbie".

I personally have had my eyes opened to a few issues important to adoptees but there is no doubt an unbalanced representation here because of a ring leader with an agenda. And agendas are not what Y!A is for.

Answer 3

it's one thing to answer a question with "based on my experience . . ." or "have you considered . . . "

it's a completely different thing when you have people calling an ?'r an idiot, calling people greedy, talking about can't wait to get your grubby little hands on a womb fresh baby, etc.    It's gotten to the point to where there's two seperate factions using this to cram opinions down each others' throats -- at the expense of people who come here seeking advice.

calling people names, etc is not helping anyone.  everyone needs to just call a truce.  one side is not going to change the others' point of view; the rudeness towards PAP's that come on here is unbelievable and is not furthering your cause.

Answer 4

I think that we all do.  If we want to change adoption, all of our opinions count.  It is important for adoptive parents to read what adoptees and natural parents write.  I fully understand wanting to be parent.  Not at all costs though.  I know many of us who speak with adoptive parents.  I know many have learned. Lets face it folks.  Adoption as it stands now is NOT a level playing field for any of us.  

Unsealing adoption records is one of my pet peeves.  Its important for all of us to have access to the documents that record our lives.  I believe that adoption agencies and attorneys should answer to us not their pocketbooks.  If adoptive parents know what the agencies have done to adoptees and their natural parents, then change can occur.

Adoptive parents need to read, write and see that adoption practices today are for the most part unethical.  There is no getting around it.  What if your child finds out that you fought his/her parents for custody?  What if you found out that the money YOU paid went to line the pockets of the adoption agency not to help the mother?  

Natural parents need to read what adoptees say.  An old Indian proverb states that what we do today affects ten generations of our family and friends.  The loss you feel affects us adoptees.

Adoptees also need to listen to the rest of the triad.  I fully understand my adoptive mother's fears.  I understand she wanted a child.  I understand that she loved me so much but now there is a lingering fear that her adoption of me just might be unethical.  It concerns her.  She absolutely didn't want that.  Adoptees need to listen to their natural parents stories.  My biggest fear is that my own natural mother will sound like a scared young woman.  That I will hear the broken heart break all over again.  That I will hear her anger, her pain, and her sorrow.  I need to hear it.  

If I am going to make improvements in adoption, I need to hear the stories.  I need to place myself in their shoes.  Its the only way I know how to unify instead of splinter.

Answer 5

I think all voices should be heard.....especially if your going to adopt.....you should consider that thee are many points of view on adoption.

When we decided to adopt my friend who was adopted explained adoption to me from the adoptees standpoint.

I value that as some of the best advice I have ever received on being a parent!

Answer 6

Hi

I would say that everyone has the right to post what they want, when they want and they dont have to be adopted to post here either!

I am new here, does that mean I cant post? I will post post post, because I like to give my opinion. No one rules this part do they?

Answer 7

The purpose of the section is for anyone who has any comment or question about adoption. It is pretty simple. It doesn't matter if it is the adopter or adoptees.

Answer 8

I ll answer your primary question:  Who has the right?  Anybody who has a computer and wants to.  If you ask a question on here, sometimes you get the answer you want, and sometimes you get a jerk or two.  That s why you can choose the best answer and separate the wheat from chaff.

Answer 9

anybody with a interest.if your not happy about it,perhaps you should find a forum.

Answer 10

First of all, we have every right to be bitter. The adoption industry has ABUSED us. It is sick, sinister, insepid and psychotic to expect a human being to not be allowed to know who their own parents are. It is also sick, sinister, insepid and psychotic to expect us to have our idenites to be our adoptive familiees. That is about as realistic, and real as cartoons. The d**n adoptive parents have too much power. They have UNNATURAL UNHEALTY power given to them by a greedy digusting industry that is building them up(their poor whittle bitty hurt ego's cause they can't get knocked up) to make mega bucks off of them, USING US in the process. Adoption is NOT NATURAL. It is WRONG. IT IS NOT THE WAY LIFE IS SUPPOSED TO BE. NO CHILD SHOULD BE FORCED TO CALL STRANGERS MOM AND DAD AND NOT KNOW THEIR REAL PARENTS. Some adoptive parents have had the GAUL to even change our own birthdays which makes them nothing but child abusing TYRANTS WHO SHOULD BE IN  JAIL FOR SLANDER AND FRAUD. I am SO sick of everything always being about these sour, bitter. barren pain in the a-ss people-they don't deserve their own boards, they don't deserve to have all the control on the internet and in real life and they NEVER DESERVED TO STEAL SOMEONE ELSE'S CHILD OR OUR IDENTITIES. THEY  are the ones who are bitter and that is why they are so obnoxious AND THEY TAKE SOMEONE ELSE'S KID, SOMEONE ELSE'S FLESH AND BLOOD-they are all pissed off because they can't get knocked up so they think they have a right to coercise someone else's baby out of them and to control that baby and ruin his or her life by forcing the poor child to lie, live in a lie and sacrifice their OWN real idenity-they are total losers and totally immature. They need psychiatric help, NOT someone else's kid. WE ADOPTEES NEVER OWED THESE BARREN BUTTHEADS ANYTHING AND EITHER DID WOMEN WHO CAN HAVE CHILDREN. ADOPTION HAS TO STOP. IT HAS TO BECOME ILLEGAL. BARREN COUPLES HAVE TO ACCEPT THEY WILL NEVER RAISE A CHILD AND STAY IN THERAPY UNTIL THEY DO. STEALING A CHILD FROM HIS OR HER MOTHER IS NOT THE ANSWER TO DEALING WITH INFERTILITY.

Answer 11

evrybody i guess could use this section

Answer 12

I thought it was for anyone. I like to see what people have to say. I just wish people would be kinder to one another. We all have a story. Some are good and some are bad but they are all personal and shouldn't be treated with distain.

Just my opinion

Answer 13

Everyone should have a right to express their opinions or their knowledge on a subject. Hearing both the positive and negative of adoption can give someone a well-rounded view. However, name-calling, being rude and nasty is uncalled for and goes aganist guidelines. I didn't like that answer anymore than you did and it seemed to fan the flames of resentment on here.

Answer 14

I too have read that this used to be a nice respectful place to post. I wouldnt know. In the few short months I have been here I have seen more power struggle over who is right and who is wrong than anything else. What I find most interesting is that all of these answers are exactly the same. EVERYONE, they say, has the right to post here, no matter what their views, yet what I see is the complete opposite. I especially like the one who says we should not call names and call a truce.

I don't remember calling anyone an idiot. I don't remember insinuating all AP's are money grubbers. I don't remember saying anything remotely close to get over it, or grow up or get a therapist, yet I was blocked from a question yesterday by one of the concerned, empathetic people right here who my guess is didn't want to hear from a bio mom. How strange.

i can only say that if I have worded my answers in a way that might have been taken wrong, I really do appologize. I find it hard to believe but appologize. I am usually pretty precise in how I verbalize myself. I try to leave nothing to the imagination. However, you leave me no alternative but to assume you have somethng against either me personally or bio mothers as a whole. Either way it excludes me from YOUR everyone list that you just posted should have a voice here. How do you think you are including everyone if you EXCLUDE? (That's an opened question directed toward everyone.) Stalkers are a different story.

To answer the question, NO! this should not be just for AP's and their problems. Think about it, if they didn't have the other sides of the triad to bounce their problems off of, how would they get solutions to their problems. How would they know what to try, or try to understand, if it were just them.

Everyone's input is needed and I don't see where it is just the angry adoptee's that are ruining this site. I think it's the ones who want to keep up the power struggle.

Answer 15

Everyone has the right to place their posts here as long as those post are not in violation of the Y!A terms of service.  Of course, since the forum is in regards to adoptions, questions should be adoption related.

Answer 16

I think anyone should be able to post here.

"If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen."

                                  -Harry S Truman

Answer 17

I think anyone in the adoption triad has enough experience from their angle to be posting & answering in here. (by adoption triad I mean the adoptee, the adoptive parents, and the birth parents) and those that are thinking about becoming a member of that triad (soon to be adoptive parents and or birth parents).

There are going to be people bitter about things, no matter what forum you choose to post in. There's going to be useless & irrelavent postings no matter where you go to. It's up to you to look at each posting and take from it what you will.

Answer 18

Anyone - except people who use Y!A to:

- troll for a baby

- offer a baby for adoption

- find clients for their adoption business

- advertise the use of a particular agency (this should include adoption workers and adoptive parents).

I thought that posting the truth across the spectrum of adoption experiences IS helping adoptive parents.  And adoptees.  And natural parents.  If adoptive parents can't handle the negative experiences of adoptees or natural families, then I question whether or not they are ready to parent an adopted person.

I think that the purpose of this section is to learn about all aspects of adoption - good and bad, happy and sad.  I think that is what most people want.

If adoptive parents can't take the raw truth, then they should join a forum where members are banned for posting anything negative about adoption and everyone chants the happy-clappy party line.  Frankly, I think that the people who are kicking up a fuss were using Y!A as a cheap way to try to find a "poor, hopeless soul" or "confused girl" who is in desperate circumstances with her pregnancy.

Answer 19

They have alot of forms into write all that is great about adoptions and there is forms about what is all that is bad in adoptions. Here there is a mix. So you have a choice. I'm against adoptions where natural fathers are not informed and for adoptions if there is no way you want or can keep your child.

  I have read some sad things about adoptions and some wonderful things about adoption. this form has helped me get over the bitter taste i have for adoptions.

  So it's all how you take it. It's help me understand both ways.

Answer 20

Everyone and anyone should posts here. However, I am concerned when I see baby brokers trying to lure pregnant moms to their sites and they fill them with propaganda that is blatantly untrue, but of course, any woman who gives their child up for adoption won't really know that until after the fact. I would advise any young woman to make copies of everything printed "as a fact" because she will need that down the road when she might want to sue the agency.

.... And good luck with that one.

Answer 21

i think questions from those with experience with adoption (good or bad), those wishing to adopt, and those with sincere interest in the topic are appropriate.

i might not like all the questions/answers, yet this is a diverse world.  hence, we have to sometimes share our sandbox with kids we don't like.

Answer 22

Anyone who has been affected by adoption. Well, those are the people whose opinions matter.