Who else in the adoption section believes in destiny?

Question

We have been having some fabulous open discourse regarding the pros/cons, ups/downs of adoption. Something for which I am very grateful. ALL the questions and answers are allowing me to sort through my own feelings about being an adoptee.

I was recently speaking to a fellow adoptee and her perspective on it was that our souls choose adoption, whatever part of the triad you're in, in order to further spiritual growth.

I know that this is crossing over into spirituality ...but, it did strike a chord with me. Does anyone else here feel that adoption...good, bad or indifferent...somehow is your souls choosen destiny for seeking greater growth?

Or do you think that the idea is just attractive because it tries to give meaning to a confusing situation?

Answer 1

Query,

You might like to read about the late Dr. Ian Stevenson's recorded scientific cases and also Carol Bowman's books. This is the only logical answer I've found for why my daughter when she was 2 and 1/2 spoke in great detail of being in the Lockerbie disaster and she's one of the thousands of UVA's documented cases.

So Andrayno thinks that all Buddhists, Indians, Taoists are "heathens" because they believe in karma and reincarnation. Believe it or not, there are even Christians and Jews who believe this and most certainly are not "heathens". There are many who believe in God and reincarnation. Frankly, it explains a lot of the "discrepancies" in the Bible. Sorry to disagree. Far from it.

Answer 2

No, I don't believe it was destiny for me to lose my only child to adoption, nor for him to grow up feeling different and an outsider from all those who became his family.

Answer 3

My little baby sould didn't choose to be adopted.  

My little baby soul chose to be carried by my mother and was devastated to lose her and has been searching to find the way back to her ever since.

Answer 4

I do. I just posted a question about adopting a child and then becoming pregnant shortly after and apparently it is a common experience. This makes me believe in destiny because it's like you couldn't get pregnant until you found the adopted child you were supposed to find first if that makes any sense.

Answer 5

Your friend is not too bright, and yes, she's making up New Age hocus-pocus to bring order to a chaotic world.

Using her 'logic', paralyzed people would 'chose' to live in that condition, children of abusive parents 'wanted' to be beat, etc.  I think it's a way for your friend to free herself of worry and empathy for others.  I mean if everyone 'chooses' their own fate, they are the one 'responsible' for their choice, right?

Your pal really just has a newish spin on predestination.  I tend to think the opposite--my being given up for adoption is because I had the bad LUCK of being born in a time where an unmarried woman was considered unsuited to raise her own child.

Answer 6

We truly believe our son was meant to be our son. God just chose another woman to carry us for him. I believe if we had concieved him ourselves, he would be the same little boy he is...yes, it's destiny!

Answer 7

I wish it were that simple but in reality it is not. The idea of destiny is a romantic one but not a real one. I am a Christian and I throughly support adoption but even I do not belive that children are destined for the hardships that come with it and I do not believe that they would choose it. I guess I cannot view it that way because then I would have to believe that the children in the orphanages and hospitals here in Romania somehow have chosen that life, or those in the villages who are forced at ages 3 and 5 to beg on the streets have for whatever reason chosen that. No I do not belive in destiny, I make my own choices from the hand I am randomly given as does everyone else here I believe.

Answer 8

Do I think that our souls choose where we are to be born?  No.  Do I believe that God has a hand in it?  Absolutely.  

For those who say that God would not allow the pain that is sometimes associated with adoption, I argue that God doesn't "allow" pain.  He gives us the strength to overcome things that happen in this life whether fair or unfair.  For me, the argument goes even further.  The God who would not allow the pain of adoption also would not allow the pain of infertility.  The God who would not allow the pain of adoption would not have sent His Son to be raised by another man.  Although Jesus was born of Mary, God sent Jesus to be raised by a man who was not His biological father.  In those days, it was the father who was responsible for a child's teachings both educationally and spiritually.  If God believed adoption was wrong, why would He send his Son to be raised by another man?

If God could choose that type of family for His own child, then yes, I do believe that God is involved in adoption also.  Bad things do not happen because God made them happen.  God gives us the strength and faith to get through hard times.

Sorry to get off on my spiritual thoughts - but for us and our son, we truly believe our adoption was a gift from God - our Miracle.

Answer 9

I've been thinking about this question all day, and I'm still not sure I'm resolved about it in my own mind.

I'm sympathetic, in general, to concerns about choices and spiritual growth.  In that way, I'm not willing to reject the possibility out of hand.

However, I've thought about this a lot for other areas of life.  (I'm very interested in different spiritualities.)  Whether or not this is true, I find it safer to act, in my every day life, as though this isn't true.  Once we start thinking in terms of "destiny" (or the like), we may be more inclined not to fix problems.  If someone is going through pain in order to experience spiritual growth, then does that mean we shouldn't help them out of it because we might be interfering?  I'm just too uncomfortable with the implications of seeing adoption (or anything else) in these terms.  Whether it is true, or not, I can't say.  But I think it's important to deal with problems as though people did not chose them.

I do understand the attraction for the view, but I can't accept it anymore than I can accept that people who are victims of violent crimes chose that fate, etc.

Answer 10

Being the heathen that I am I believe deeply in karma. I also believe in reincarnation and my honest opinion is that we have certain things that our "souls" need to learn from before our journey in this realm is complete. So to an extent I do think that my "soul" has "chosen" adoption and the loss of a child to adoption. I think that in my loss I have a purpose. The purpose to educate and enlighten others about my experience. My "goal" in this life could very well be to show others the darker side, the less talked about side, the shunned side. If I am wrong then I alone will have to atone for it. I alone will have to continue into the next life with that burden on my shoulders. I alone will have to make amends for whatever wrongs I do.

That is the beauty of my spirituality. I am my own master. I make my choices as I see fit at the time and try to make better ones in the future. There is no h**l for me, there is no eternal damnation for mistakes I may make. I will learn from them and allow them to enlighten me and show me a path that will lead to the place I need to be.

When I have truly learned all this world has to teach then I will be free. When I have been tortured and enlightened fully then I will be able to move past this realm and into the next. So yes adoption  was a necessary  evil in my life. I am still struggling to grasp why I was chosen to fulfill two adoption roles at the same time. Perhaps only by understanding the pain of the adoptee could I fully understand the pain of the natural parent. Perhaps by seeing and feeling two sides I will be given enough knowledge to help others who struggle with their own pain. I don't know. The Lady will lead me where I am needed. I trust that She knows where my goals lie.

Answer 11

Query, I've heard a lot of people say this too, and it's usually adoptive parents who think it's destiny or God's plan that their adoptee came into their lives.  (Just an observation).

But I don't think God would want me to suffer this pain, or my n-mother to suffer the way she has for the last 34 years, just to make my a-parents happy.

I don't think God micro-manages people's lives that way.

If God wanted someone to be a parent, they'd get pregnant, simple as that.  I think adoption is a choice, people choose to adopt, they make the conscious decision to pursue an adoption.  Adoptees are the powerless ones, we didn't have a choice, whether we were infants and our mothers gave us up for whatever reasons, or the foster children whose parents lost custody for whatever reasons.  

The adults made the choices, the adoptees were victims of those choices, but none of it is destiny, it is all circumstance.

Who would I be if my aparents weren't the first on the list that day?  Or if they had turned me down?  I would have gone to the next set of aparents, been given a different name; and some other girl would be sitting here now, with my name, she would have been "me".

It's all chance; it's not destiny.

Answer 12

I believe I am the child my mother lost.  She miscarried at 8 weeks and was never able to conceive again.  SO...another woman was needed to carry me that couldn't keep me.

I also believe the son that I carried belongs to the woman that adopted him...and not to me.

Answer 13

I absolutely believe that.  I think that when a child is born that God knows who his/her parents will be.  I don't believe that all children are meant to be raised by their birth parents and I think that it is a higher power that foresees how it will all come about.  We have three children and adopted our last (with no plans to adopt, no work on our part, it was all a total surprise) and now I know without a doubt it was meant to be.  I would love to share more with you if you would like.

Answer 14

My firstmom tried to tell me that same story.  That my soul karmically chose to be placed for adoption.

Well, sorry.  No.  It was her decision completely.

She chose to walk into the adoption agency to begin with. She chose to walk away from me at three days old.  She chose to trust her caseworkers promises.  She chose to "give me up to the universe".

Her choice.

I find it a very convenient way for her to place the burden on me.  I wish she would instead just own up to her part in my relinquishment and be done with it.

All I can say is Karma my ***!

Answer 15

No. I do not believe in destiny or fate. I believe that many things in life are random and that we live in a world of chaos.

I most certainly did not choose to be abandoned/adopted. On the contrary, I have had to live with the horrible choices of others.

Answer 16

I think it's the second thing--the idea is attractive because it imposes order and meaning on the confusion that is adoption.  

I get no comfort out of this idea myself.  It sometimes makes me angry because I've encountered so many more a'parents who believe their children chose adoption than I have adoptees who believe they chose it.  

I don't believe I chose it.  I don't believe in destiny in general either.  I mean, what positive things am I learning living this way that I could not have learned not being adopted?  Being adopted was very obviously chosen for me.

Answer 17

I don’t think its chosen destiny in the aspect of the soul choosing to be an adoptee.  However I have always believed that everything happens for a reason.  So I feel that if I had been meant to stay with birthfamily I would have. However that was not my path I feel and always have that I’m with the family that God wanted me to be with.