Who gets invited to the bridal shower?

Question

My partner & I have decided that our August 2009 wedding is going to be small--under 90 people. We are inviting our parents' siblings, but not our cousins (ie. siblings' kids), because then the guest list jumps by nearly 50 people--yikes!

That being said, my mum--along with my maid of honor-- wants to organize a bridal shower for me. She thinks that she can invited whomever she pleases, including the cousins who won't be invited to wedding. Is that rude? She tends to be very Ms. Manners, but I don't know if she's right on this one, and I can't find a hard-and-fast rule. I would love for my cousins to come, but I also don't want them to feel snubbed when they're not invited to the wedding.

Answer 1

You only invite people who are invited to the wedding.

Usually it's the moms, grandmas, sisters, aunties, cousins if you are close to them and they are nearby, and the bridesmaids if they are where you are.

For my shower in my hometown, we also included "church ladies"!!!

Answer 2

I've always been told that it's rude to invite anyone to a shower or engagement party who will not be invited to the wedding. And anyone who lives out of town and can't easily make the trip in a day does not require a shower invitation, since presumably they'll already be traveling for your wedding.

Answer 3

mostly women... mom, aunts, best friends, girl cousins, close family friends.. their daughters above age 6-7

sound right?

Answer 4

Simply put, not everyone who goes to showers gets invited to the wedding.  People should know and realize that nowadays couples are paying for weddings themselves and finances are dictating the size of the guest list.  They should also realize that they can go to celebrate at that time with the bride and groom.

The bridal shower that my girls threw for me had some that were not invited.  They did not feel hurt or offended and they do not talk bad about me or my girls, because they wanted to give me shower gifts because I'm family.  FYI I also received several shower gifts from other relatives that could not attend the shower, and were not invited to the wedding, but did so out of the kindness of their heart.

It really is not tacky, especially since it is not the bride that organizes the shower.  

Just explain to your cousins, if they say anything, that due to finances/size of ceremony/reception site, you need to cut down on the list of guests.

Answer 5

Rule of thumb: if they are not invited to the wedding, they should not be invited to the shower.

Good luck!

Answer 6

In truth, I'd invite them just so they could have some part in my special day. If they don't understand that, then they don't have to come.  

Answer 7

Shes wrong on this one. If they are invited to the shower, they HAVE TO be invited to the wedding.

I think the best showers are small and intimate, anyway. If I were you, I would tell her that you want a really small shower.

Answer 8

only people invited to the wedding can come to the shower  

Answer 9

I understand completely. You invite the wedding party, close friends, siblings, and the mothers (Yours, the groom) However you never invite anyone to ANY pre-wedding events that isn't invited to the wedding.  That's just rude and poor etiquette.  My mom invited her next door neighbor and my sister invited her friend & her friend's husband to our engagement party and I was furious because I knew I would be unable to invite them to the wedding.

This should help:  http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-m...

Hope everything works out!

Answer 10

You're right, it would be rude.  You shouldn't invite anyone to the bridal shower that won't be invited to the wedding.