Who has a hilarious joke to make me laugh?

Question

It can be any joke that you want to tell that you think is really funny. I don't get offended with jokes. Make my day please! :)

Answer 1

Some guy told me this at the bar..kinda sick but funny...lol

Little Johnny went upstairs to his mom and dad's room looking for his dad. The door was cracked and when he peeked in he saw his mom bent over the edge of the bed and his dad just giving it to her. Dad just looked over and gave him a wink and a smile and Little Johnny disappeared. A few minutes later Dad thought "that might have been a little much.I better go make sure Little Johnny is ok, I could have traumatized the little guy" He hears a horrible racket coming from Grandma's room and looks inside. There was Little Johnny with Grandma bent over the edge of the bed just giving it to her!! "Little Johnny WHAT THE h**l ARE YOU DOING?" screams Dad. Little Johnny replies "Not so Dam* funny when it's your mom is it?"

Answer 2

A husky foreigner, looking for s*x, accepted a prostitute's terms.

When she undressed, he noticed that she had no pubic hair.

The man shouted, "What, no wool? In my country all women have wool down there."

The prostitute snapped back, "What do you want to do, knit or f*ck?"  

Answer 3

Spongebob to Mr.Krabs: "Run Mr.Krabs! Patrick's digging for gold!"

Mr.Krabs: "Gold!" (he then follows Patrick behind the door.)

Mr. Krabs comes back out and says to Spongebob: "Not that type of gold." (b/c Patrick was digging up his nose)

probably not that funny to you, but it made me crack up!

Answer 4

Headache

A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 AM.

Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed.

She sleepily sat up and said, "Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache."

"Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.

As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the druggist, "aren't you Officer Fenwick of the 8th District?"

"Yes, I am," said the officer.

"Well, then, what in the world are you doing in the Fire Chief's uniform?"

Answer 5

Yo momma is so ugly,she doesn't have a date of birth. She has a date of capture!

Answer 6

A blonde guy arives at work one morning all beat up with his clothes all riped up and with a black eye. So his friends ask him what happened and he says :

"This morning when i went to church i bent down to pray and in front of me, also bent down, was this really fat lady wearing a really big dress and the dress was in her ***. It didnt look so good so i took it out for her but she didnt like that so she beat me up"

The next day the same guy arrives at work even more beat up than the day before so his friends ask him what happened now and he said"

"Well this morning i went t church again and i bent down to pray, and in front of me was the same fat lady wearing the same dress and the dress was again stuck in her ***. The guy next to me desided to take it out for her and i knew she didnt lik that so i desided to put it back in for her"

Answer 7

this one never gets old haha...

whats the smartest blonde in the world?

a golden retriever!

Answer 8

Three couples went out camping. The three husbands stayed in one tent and the three wives stayed in the other. At about 3 in the morning, Bob woke up and yelled, "Wow, unbelievable!"

Bill woke up and asked, "What's going on?"

Bob said, "I've got to go to the other tent and find my wife."

"How come?"

"To have s*x! I just woke up with the biggest hard-on I've ever had in my life!"

After a pause, Bill said, "Do you want me to come with you?"

"h**l, no! Why would I want you to do that?"

"Because that's my d**k you're holding.