Who has the best joke ever

Question

who has the best blonde joke ever ???

best joke gets 10 points!!!!!!

no offence to any blonde ppl out their !!!!!!

Answer 1

Not blonde, but I like this one:

A man is lying in bed with his new Thai wife.  She is stroking his d!@k.  "You must really like my d!@k" he says.  "Not really" she replies, "I just miss my own"

Answer 2

Somebody asks a blonde why the chicken crossed the road. She replied because Michael Jackson had a box of boy scout cookies and it wanted some.

Answer 3

How long does it take a woman to clean the toilet?

      Who cares, as long as dinner is on the table by 6.  

Answer 4

Why did the chicken cross the road

................To get to the other side  

Answer 5

there's a blonde, burnette, and a redhead. they r about 2 jump off a cliff. this cliff lets u say something u wanna turn into right b4 u jump off. the redhead jumps off and says "bird" and turned into a bird and flew away. the burnette jumps off and says "airplane" and turns into an airplane and flys away. the blonde was about 2 jump off but she tripped on a rock and said "oh c**p" and turned into p**p.  

a blonde walks into a library. she says to the librarian, "can i have a hamburger and a shake plz?" the librarian says, "no this is a library." the blonde WHISPERS, "can i have a hamburger and a shake plz?"

Answer 6

i made this one up.

There was a blonde and her friend. they were walking down the road when suddenly her friend went nuts and threw her into the trunk of a car and ran off. stuck the blonde screamed and kicked when ever she heard some one walk by. then three days later the owner of the car came and let her out. thankful to be free the blonde ran and jumped for joy.

the worst par the car was a truck.........

Answer 7

THE SMART BLONDE

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn".

She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00.

The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~...

SHORT BLONDE JOKES

What do you call an eternity? Four Blondes at a four way stop.

Why do Blondes have "TGIF" written on their shoes? Toes Go In First.

Three Blondes were driving to Disneyland. After being in the car for 4 hours they finally saw a sign that said "Disneyland left" so they turned around and went home.

What do smart Blondes and UFO's have in common? You always hear about them but you never see them.

What did the Blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios? Oh look, daddy ... doughnut seeds.

Why did the Blonde stare at a can of frozen orange juice? Because it said concentrate.

Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken.

How can you tell when a Blonde sends you a fax? It has a stamp on it.

Why can't Blondes dial 911? They can't find the eleven on the phone!

What do you do if a Blonde throws a pin at you? Run, she's got a grenade in her mouth!

How can you tell if a Blonde has been using your computer? There is whiteout all over the monitor.

Why shouldn't Blondes have coffee breaks? It takes too long to retrain them.

A brunette goes to the doctor and as she touches each part of her body with her finger she says, "Doctor it hurts everywhere. My leg hurts, my arm hurts, my neck hurts, and even my head hurts!" The doctor asks, "Were you ever a Blonde?" "Yes, I was." she replies. "Why do you ask?" The doctor answers, "because your finger is broken!"

A Blonde and a brunette were walking outside when the brunette said, "Oh, look at the dead bird." The Blonde looked skyward and said "Where, where?"

How do you drown a Blonde? Put a scratch & sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool

Why does it take longer to build a Blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one? You have to hollow out the head.

How do you get a twinkle in a Blonde's eye? Shine a flashlight in her ear.

Why don't Blondes like making KOOL-AID? Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.

Did you hear about the two Blondes that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater? They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

Why won't they hire Blondes as pharmacists? They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriter.

Answer 8

I do!

Answer 9

...i have a joke

what kind of bee's make milk?

--boo-bies!

blondejoke:

how do you get a blonde to drown herself?

--glue a mirror to the bottom of the poo

how do you get a blonde to forget something important

--blow in her ear.

no offense. i read that on in a book today. made me laugh. hah (ps. mine are pretty g-rated.)

Answer 10

there's 3 pregnant women the 1st one says i did it on my side so i'm gonna have a baby boy, then the 2nd women says i did it on my back so i'm gonna have a baby boy, then they see the blonde crying n they ask what's the matter n she says "i'm gonna have puppies" lmfao ahahaha i deserve best answer

Answer 11

1. One day a brunette, a redhead and a blonde decide to go through their daughter's purses.

So, the brunette goes through her daughter's purse and finds cigarettes. She says, "Oh my god, I'm so ashamed! My Daughter smokes."

So, the redhead goes through her daughter's purse and finds an empty can of beer. She says, "Oh my god I'm so ashamed! My daughter drinks."

So, finally, it's the blondes turn and she finds a used condom. She says, "Oh my god I'm so ashamed! My daughter has a p***s."

2.One day a blonde came home from school and came to her mother and said, "Hey, Mommy! Mommy! Today in school we learned to count. The other kids could only count to three but I can count to Ten..... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"

The mother responds, "Very good honey." The blonde asks, "Is that because I'm a blonde mommy?" And the mother responds, "Yes dear."

Next day the blonde came home and went to her mother and said, "Today in school we learned our ABCs! The other kids could only get to D but I can get to K! .... A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K!"

The mother says, "Very good honey." The blonde then asked. "Is that because I'm a blonde, Mommy?" The mother responds, "Yes dear."

The third day the blonde come home from school and said to her mother, "Mommy today in school we went swimming! But I was the only one who had b*****s. Is that because I'm a blonde, Mommy?"

And the mother responds, "No Honey, it's because you're twenty five."

3.One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.

The doctor askes her what had happened.

She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I mistakanly picked up the iron instead of the phone.

"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other."

"The b*****d called again"

4.A young woman said to her doctor, "You have to help me, I hurt all over."

"What do you mean?" said the doctor.

The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe. "Ow, even THAT hurts."

The doctor asked the woman, "Are you a natural blonde?"

"Why yes," she said.

"I thought so," said the doctor... "You have a sprained finger."

Answer 12

y did the chicken cross the road ?

to get to the other side

Answer 13

i have a few. yea, i can laugh at my hair color.

A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog.

It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours.

The blonde jumps up out of bed and says "I've had enough of this," and she goes downstairs.

The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says "The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?"

The blonde says "I put the dog in our backyard, let's see how THEY like it!"

another one:

One day a cop was driving down the road when the car in front of him swerves sharply to the left and then to the right and then back to the left again. He turns on his lights and siren and pulls the car over.

When he approaches the driver he finds a blonde in the driver's seat obviously shaken from her experience. He asks her was she thought she was doing and she replied "oh Officer it was horrible! I was driving along when all of the sudden there was a tree in front of me! I swerved to the left to avoid it and there was another tree!! I then swerved to the right and there was another tree right in front of me! Then I swerved back to left and saw another one!! I don't understand what happened."

The cop looks at her and says "lady, that is your air freshener"

one more:

A blonde from California decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but

she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.

Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune . . . the Supermarket manager sees her and shuts the horse off.

Answer 14

The Blind Bunny

----------------------

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail and tripped over

a large snake and fell, kerplop right on his twitchy little nose.

'Oh please excuse me,' said the bunny. 'I didn't mean to trip over you, but

I'm blind and can't see.'

'That's perfectly all right,' replied the snake. 'To be sure, it was my

fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't see you

coming. By the way what kind of animal are you?'

'Well, I really don't know,' said the bunny. 'I'm blind, and I've never seen

myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out.'

So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said, 'Well, you're soft, and

cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and a little fluffy tail and a dear

twitch little nose. You must be a bunny rabbit.'

The bunny said, 'I can't thank you enough. But, by the way, what kind of

animal are you?'

The snake replied that he didn't know either, and the bunny agreed to

examine him, and when the bunny was finished the snake asked, 'Well, what

kind of animal am I?'

The bunny had felt the snake all over, and he replied, 'You're cold, you're

slippery, and you haven't any balls............You must be a politician!'  

Answer 15

A New Jersey couple are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.

His blonde girlfriend whips out her cell phone and calls the emergency services. She gasps to the operator: “My boyfriend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm, soothing voice, says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The girl’s voice comes back on the line. She says: “Okay, now what?”

Answer 16

One day a brunette, a redhead and a blonde decide to go through their daughter's purses.

So, the brunette goes through her daughter's purse and finds cigarettes. She says, "Oh my god, I'm so ashamed! My Daughter smokes."

So, the redhead goes through her daughter's purse and finds an empty can of beer. She says, "Oh my god I'm so ashamed! My daughter drinks."

So, finally, it's the blondes turn and she finds a used condom. She says, "Oh my god I'm so ashamed! My daughter has a p***s."  

Answer 17

what does a  blonde look for underwater?

leonardo DiCaprio!

drowned in Titanic. get it?