Who is invited to the rehearsal dinner?

Question

Two of our groomsmen are bringing girlfriends to the wedding, which we extended as a courtesy to them because they have to travel three hours to get to the wedding site. Over the weekend, our families and I were discussing whether or not we should invite them to the rehearsal dinner. The consensus was no, and I'll be honest, it's because no one in the family likes either of these two girls (they've caused a lot of tension in the family over the past year). So it really has nothing to do with money, it's more that we feel it will make everyone kind of uncomfortable. We plan on handing out the wedding party gifts at the dinner, and everyone attending so will be IN the wedding, except these two girls. But I've also read that some brides and grooms invite any and all guests of the wedding party to the rehearsal dinner.

We're just not sure what to do. The girlfriends get along with each other, so we were thinking of organizing some sort of outing for them (and for any out of town guests arriving early, but not attending the dinner), or just letting them hang out in the hotel room by themselves (they will have traveled with the groomsmen that day anyway, so they might be tired).

Thoughts? Past experiences? Much appreciated!

Answer 1

There is no written rule, as there isn't for really any wedding rituals, however, it is customary to invite any and all "others" of the wedding party to the rehearsal dinner regardless of your personal feelings toward him or her.

And, they will figure out that you gave them something to do to get them out of the way.

Answer 2

well the rehearsal dinner is usually only for all people who are in your bridal party and the parents of the bride and the grooms parents the grooms parents usually pay for rehearsal dinner and rehearsal dinner is a time to all get together before the wedding with all the people who are a part of your wedding, although you can have whom ever you want there if your all ok with it.

My daughter got married last year and she and her husband only wanted the bridal party at rehearsal dinner but my daughters mother in law wanted more people so since she was paying for rehearsal dinner we just let her have who she wanted .

Guess it can go any way as long as your all in agreement of what you want to do.

Good luck and congratulations  

Answer 3

The wedding party, immediate family, their SO (serious gfs, fiance ,wives, NO DATES!!)  and the out of town guests if you can afford it.

I also extended the invite to my BM to bring a "guest".

If you know in your hear that they are going to misbehave, please DO NOT INVITE the gf!! Please reas my story:

My BM from h**l "C" brought  her bf to y wedding. I did not want any strangers in the wedding and was hesitant of her briging this guy that I've only seen once,  but I wanted to be polite, after all, the invitation said "with guest" as as I courtesy to a bridal party member.

Of course, this guy showed up and was a total menace. They both argued constantly, he was jealous of her walking down the aisle with someone else, he wanted her attention and didn't allow her to do her BM duties etc. etc.  Long story short, he was asked to leave.

If you know in yoru heart that the gf in question will make it about them and will not respect your wedding, by all means do not invite them. Cite budget constrains, and ettiquette rules: wives and fiance's only... no need for random strangers in your wedding that will take away from your day.

Good luck

Answer 4

Hi.  Are these girls simply "girlfriends" or are they actually living with the groomsmen in question?  If they are living together, I think, unfortunately, that you need to invite them.  If they are simply girlfriends, then you don't need to bother!

Answer 5

If the dinner is for wedding party members only, and no one else is bringing dates than it is perfectly reasonable not to invite these two girls. If you allowed other wedding part members to bring dates than it would be a slap in the face not to invite them.  

Answer 6

It was a little odd to read the other answers b/c I live in the south and it is customary to invite everyone who travels from out of town to a rehearsal dinner.  You have a separate bridal luncheon where you give your gifts.

HOWEVER if you are not inviting any and all who traveled and are only inviting the bridal party--then OF COURSE those girls would not be invited.  Just tell the two groomsmen that you aren't inviting out of town guests and that this is just for those in the bridal party.  Then he can pass that on to his girlfriend.

Like you said, the groom's family are hosting and they don't want to invite those girls.  Sounds like the end of discussion there and you have nothing to do with it.  You should never invite someone who you feel will make everyone uncomfortable.  No one else will have signif others sitting around while you guys rehearse so actually they would be bored if you DID invite them.  I would just tell them that.  No one else will be there so I don't want you to have to sit around bored while we rehearse this over and over.  Your friend is in room 311, why don't you two enjoy the hotel bar and we will be back around 11pm?

Simple.  I don't see how that could cause any problems or cause for complaint.

Answer 7

I think you are well within your rights to allow the girlfriends to entertain themselves for the evening.  At my daughter's recent wedding, EVERYONE was from out of town and none of those who were not involved in the actual wedding party and who were there at the time of the rehearsal seemed to feel excluded.  Our rehearsal dinner was wedding party and family only; no girlfriends, boyfriends or significant others.

If the girls are good friends, they will probably find something to do together, during that time.  If they are offended, simply explain that your decision was that the rehearsal dinner is for the wedding party and family only.  If they choose to continue to be offended, that's on them.  Free yourself of any obligation or guilt, and enjoy your day!!    :-)

Edit:  It just occurred to me that my son-in-law's best man's girlfriend was at the hotel, on the night of the rehearsal, and she did not seem put-out at all, that she was not part of the rehearsal dinner.  So you can take that for what it's worth...

Answer 8

If no one else is bring a guest and it is only the wedding party and parents there, there is no reason you need to include them or plan any activity for them. Just let the groomsmen know ahead of time it will be just the wedding party at the rehearsal dinner. They are grown ups, they can plan an evening without their boyfriends.

Answer 9

If I was the girlfriend of the groomsman I would be upset. I think if they traveled 3 hours that they will feel uncomfortable and upset if they have to sit in a hotel room while their men are gone out to eat. I personally am inviting any out of town guest to the rehearsal dinner. That way no one feels left out. Good luck. It is your day and you can do whatever you want, but how would you feel if the situation was reversed?

Answer 10

Traditionally the wedding party (bride, groom, bridesmaids, groomsment, etc) the parents & siblings of the bride and groom, and the person who is marrying you.  Also anyone else who is at the rehearsal, typically.

Answer 11

Technically, inviting them to the rehearsal dinner is the polite thing to do.  We're including spouses and long term girlfriends in our rehearsal dinner next week, but everyone in our group is on good terms.  There are always minor issues, but we do get along well for the most part.  

On a personal note, I think it's a very nice gesture to include them, but if you can't trust them to get along and keep the drama to a minimum, then it's a good idea to arrange some other entertainment for them.  As you mentioned they may not want to attend anyway so give them the easy option of backing out!

Best wishes!!!!!

Answer 12

I don't think the GFs should be invited, just any attendants or close family members with spouses, though.

The GFs aren't going to be at the rehearsal - that makes no sense - so they wouldn't be at the rehearsal party.

Answer 13

usually it should only be the bridal party and parents.i think if the two girls get along maybe as a courtesy tell them where there is a good place for them to go have drinks or something.

Answer 14

The only people you have to invite to the rehearsal dinner are your attendants (bridesmaids, groomsmen, best man, maid of honor, etc.) and the parents of the bride and groom.  You do not have to plan any kind of outing for those people who arrive early.  They can find things to do at the hotel to amuse themselves.

Relax and enjoy your wedding.  Good Luck!

Answer 15

My rehearsal dinner is next month...we are allowing all members of the bridal party who have a significant other, to bring them. My fiance's parents are hosting the dinner for us...we discussed it with them first and they agreed that it is rude not to invite them.

Answer 16

Its your wedding, so it's your choice. If you don't mind telling someone they aren't invited then do it! If I couldn't stand the girls, I wouldn't invite them.

Answer 17

It's your wedding and rehearsal dinner you can do what you want. as "bridezilla" as that sounds, its true. I have one groomsmen that is bringing a date to our wedding. They are also traveling 3 hours to get to our wedding. I am going to invite her to the rehearsal and the dinner afterward just because I want to get to know her. Also, we are just having pizza at the reception hall for our dinner so that we can concentrate on decorating and just hanging out, so it's not really a "formal" dinner where we are sending out invitations.

Answer 18

I think that if they know they are not liked and you know they are not liked and it's just the white elephant in the room, then they'll know why they are not invited and you don't have to "lookthem in teh eye later", it's likely they'll get it and bicker about it among themselves.  This is YOUR wedding day and you have every right in this world to NOT include anyone who isn't  truely happy for you and fiance and honored to be a part of it all.  

Answer 19

What would be more uncomfortable, having them there and mingling with everyone or not inviting them and having to look them in the eye later? There should be enough people to act as a buffer and if they know and like each other it shoudoln't cause a problem to invite them. It is polite to allow the significant others of the wedding party to attend the rehersal dinner. Maybe this event would be a good opportunity to get to know them better. I have never been to a rehearsal dinner where significant others were excluded.

I would personally invite them out of the goodness of my heart and because I would want the groomsmen to have their significant others feel welcome and enjoy the time as well. If they are not invite it may just cause MORE tension.

I DO think that if you don't invite them having an activity for them is a nice gesture.

Godo luck with whatever you decide!

Answer 20

Generally its the bride, groom, immediate families, wedding party, and out of town guests along with all their wedding dates.

But if these girls make you uncomfortable don't invite them and since they are traveling in, give the guys a list of places for the girls to maybe go to dinner while the guys are at the rehearsal dinner.

Answer 21

I think your idea of setting up an optional outing for them and other out of town guests during this time is a great idea!! Just be sure that your future hubby makes it known to his groomsmen that you'd prefer their dates not attend the rehearsal and dinner. If everyone else that is going to be there is involved in the weddin then when you're rehearsing these girls will just be bored anyway.