Who is more "selfish"...?

Question

...a mother that aborts her child, or a mother that makes an adoption plan for her child?

Answer 1

The one who aborts. The other is making the greatest sacrifice a woman can make - letting the child go for its own best interests.

Answer 2

The bio-parents that because of their behaviors cause their children to wind up in foster care.

Those are the most SELFISH people out there, because their original behaviors hurt the kids and then being in foster care ***** up the kids.

Answer 3

These are such unique decisions.  Abortion is not the flip side of adoption.  The decisions come at very different times -- abortion is a pre-birth decision and relinquishment to adoption is ultimately a post-birth decision, as relinquishment cannot legally occur until after the birth.  

The flip side of aborting a pregnancy is carrying to term and subsequently giving birth.  The flip side of relinquishing to adoption is parenting.  Relinquishment to adoption and abortion cannot be adequately compared.

Answer 4

I am adopted and I will always be grateful to my biological mother for the selfless act of giving me up for adoption.  I am glad that she loved me enough to give birth to me and give me a family who could care for me.  Abortion is an act of desperation and is misunderstood to be quick fix.  It is a decision that stays with you forever.  When you give a baby up for adoption you become the hero in a bad situation.  Abortion is death and it brings no peace to a desperate heart.

Answer 5

Michelle...your scenario is different, only 1% of abortions are because of the mothers life is threatened, incest, or rape.

99% of abortions are by choice. That is a STAGGERING statistic.

I think the 99% of women who choose abortion because "they are not ready" are selfish. The mother who gives her child up for adoption is selfless and thinking about what is best for the child, not easier for her. It blows my mind when women say I was not ready for a baby so I had an abortion....then why did you have s*x? If you are not ready for a baby then don't have s*x. DUH! If you are not ready to get drunk you don't go drink a twelve pack. I don't get it.

Answer 6

If the woman/girl who is pregnant is choosing because she simply doesn't want to be a mother, then abortion is more selfish.  

Adoption, on the other hand, is not at all.  The woman realizes that she could not parent the baby now and also realizes that there are thousands of couples out there who cannot have children and would love the opportunity to raise her baby.  So she carries the baby for 9 months, suffering all the horrible (and wonderful) side-effects of pregnancy and then hands over her child (the fruits of her 'labor') to someone else...THAT is the portrait of UN-selfishness

Answer 7

Whoever puts their needs before the childs'.

No-one can say it's always this or always that.

Adoption is not selfless, selfless is sacrificing everything so you can have your child.

Nothing is always anything.... it's always a matter of situation.

But selfish means putting your needs before others.

If you think of the child, then neither is selfish.

Through my experience, I'd rather terminate a pregnancy than give up a baby for adoption. I couldn't put my child through what I went through.

But I would never, ever want to make that choice. They can do either of those over my dead body.

Answer 8

The one who aborts her child. Most LIKELY it's because of her own best intrests...."not ready" "not enough time" "wants to go to school with no responsibility" etc..

Adoption is the ultimate sacrifice. Women who give up thier child for adoption I have a HUGE HUGE respect for.

Abortion people..I'm sorry but you have about 75% of respect if you regret it...if you don't you have about 0.01%. Sorry, but thats me.

Adoption is giving her baby a chance at life and giving him a better home instead of murdering him at birth.

AND ANY MOTHER OR WOMAN who chose to kill her child rather than "feel bad" for the rest of her life because she gave up her child...ITS STILL SELFISH. I would RATHER let my child LIVE than kill it just bc I would have a hard time getting over it......

Everyone deserves a chance at life.

***I agree with the lady above me 100%

Answer 9

The selfish in this question are those in the adoption industry who are greedy coersive baby snatchers. The ones who tell lies to get the kid to make a profit.

Those who "make adoption plans" are likely ignorant of the pain which will ensue both to herself and her baby. Often I think they lack a healthy bond with her own mother and certainly they are lacking support. If she buys into the propaganda that she is a hero "providing a gift" then at best i'd call her niave. Maybe she's the selfish one if she gets off  on the self-esteem boost?

I wish safe compassionate abortions were free to any who wanted one. Returning the unborn to the source is WAAAAAY kinder than the sentence of life without mother and all that includes

Answer 10

A mother who aborts is way more selfish, she is doing what is best for her, I am not 100% against abortions I would never be able to have one but not all women feel the same as I do. You are the only one that benifits from an abortion. At least with an adoption your child has choice to make in life, and a life to live. I think this is the most unselfish thing a mother can do. Because she is not trying to run from the fact that she is pregnant but she is making the choice any good parent makes, to keep her child safe and make sure he/she has a great life, even if she is not the one to give it .

Answer 11

Personally I believe the one who aborts the child.  At least the other mother in your senerio is giving the child a chance to live.

Answer 12

I don't believe that either is about being selfish as much as it is a personal choice that she feels she made in the best interest of everyone involved. Some women, even some that are close friends of mine, have had abortions because they knew they couldn't parent and they knew themselves well enough that they couldn't give their babies up once they bonded with them through pregnancy.

I believe in different strokes for different folks and whereas I may get a million "thumbs down" for this answer, it doesn't change the fact that women will continue to do what they feel they need to do.

Answer 13

Neither are more selfish.

An abortion is not a selfish decision.  It is a medical decision that a woman makes when she is faced with an unplanned pregnancy.

There are thousands of children who need homes, who will not get homes because some people only want brand new healthy white babies.  

If abortion were to become illegal tomorrow, more babies would meet the "demand" of AP's, so MORE children will age out of the foster care system without having a safe, stable home.  

However, if abortion were to become illegal tomorrow, there would still be a need for abortion, leading to underground, illegal abortions being performed, leading women to look for alternative ways to end their pregnancies, leading to criminals victimizing, or potentially victimizing women. This would lead to more deaths of women, either by unsafe abortion procedures, taking their fate into their own hands and aborting (or trying to abort) by throwing themself downstairs, using unsanitary "instruments" such as crochet hooks to perform abortions, oh and more suicide.

No one will say abortion is great, it is an emotional choice for many women, but it is something that will always have a demand.  Why not keep it safe and legal?  Do you really want YOUR daughter to have to have s*x with a criminal to have an abortion?  I know you don't think it will happen to you/yours, but it may, and can you really look yourself in the mirror daily knowing that by working to make all abortions illegal you are subjecting thousands, if not millions, of women to a fate worse than this?

Answer 14

this is too complex and nuanced for a simplistic answer.

ps. why do people keep comparing adoption and abortion?

Answer 15

I think it is MOST "selfish" to feel that one has the authority, right or personal "sinlessness" to be able to judge the choices made by a woman about her OWN body and child - ESPECIALLY from an outside and general position.

Answer 16

I would say the society and aparents that can't seem to respect her decision either way.  

Nothing is more selfish than a-parents that would rather strip a childs heritage,culture, and natural familly from them  instead of investing that same money to assist a mother so she is able to raise her own child. Now thats truly selfish.

Answer 17

the one that aborts her child because she killed a life and i think that should be illegal.its a sin though and i hope God will forgive them.

Answer 18

Michelle your situation is completely different in my opinion.  That is one of the few situations in which I would support an abortion.  I think this question is more aimed at someone just getting an abortion no health dangers / no rape ,aside  that its just inconvenience to them for whatever reason.

If at all possible I would always choice life over death. I’d rather place a baby for adoption then to kill the child. It did not ask to be conceived. One can say it didn’t ask to be adopted either but again its Life vs. Death. I believe everyone here has a perhaps even those who have been aborted. Who knows maybe some mother aborted the person who was destiny to find the cure to aids, or destined to invent something spectacular.  Abortion as some have said  only benefits the mother; it does not benefit the child at all. Except perhaps they go straight to heaven and don’t have to live in this messed up world. But again I believe everyone is sent here for a reason.

Answer 19

10 years ago I would have said the mother that aborts her child without thinking twice...my how things have change when you're actually faced with the decision.

Are they really comparable? You have so many different circumstances that could be deemed 'worse' than the other.  All I will say is that I am pro-choice & that I will NEVER give any child that I carry for nine months up. It would eat me alive if I had to give my child away.

Answer 20

I'm not going to put any religious inuendos into this discussion, so base purely on non-religious thoughts...

There is no "cut-n-dry" answer as to which is more or less selfish.  Each case has it's own reasons for being, one of which is religious reasons.  All things being equal, if the mother that aborts is only aborting because it's an "oops" pregnancy and there are no other external factors (i.e. rape) and the mother that does not abort did not abort because they thought the baby deserved a chance to live and be with a loving family (not because of religion), then I would say the more selfish is the one that aborts.  Only because you did the crime (get pregnant), but couldn't live through life and do the time (knowing your birth child is some else's child).

Answer 21

The mother who aborts her child. Not only is she being selfish but, I believe is a Murderer.

**I believe the only proper use of Abortion is to save the Mothers life or in the case of Rape.

Answer 22

EXCUSE ME???

thats a horrible question.

Abortions should always be an option. if a 10 year old gets raped 1 cant raise baby cant give birth to another LIFE at 10 and it should always be an option.

adoption is if someone does not beilve in abortion and should give the child away to a BETTER HOME i could go on for days.

but how dare you ask a retarded quesiot like that.

Answer 23

i think that god is letting us borrow his children for us to take care of why would we abort them, its like if you let a person care for your child and they decided to kill it because they couldnt take care of it. i feel its wrong, honestly i think giving it up for adoption is wrong too, a REAL mother will do anything she can to care for her children, whatever it takes even if it meens the mother starving for her children to eat. but if the situation was so bad that i just couldnt feed em i would rather give up the child for adoption and let someone else care for em the way i would have wanted to. I would never abort, you become a mother as soon as that baby is in your belly, that baby feels you it loves you your the only thing it knows, and then just aborting it when you where the only thing it trusted i feel is wrong, its like taking your newborn and killing it, just cuz you cant see em doesnt meen he isnt there.

Answer 24

Why is the one that aborts selfish.

Scenario for you all......

A woman was told that she had severe complication. If this woman kept the baby, it could possibly lead to death for her and the baby. This woman had 2 small kids already. What would you do??

Yes this woman is me!!!! I never wanted to leave my babies without a mummy if I could help it!!

Answer 25

It's neither, the selfish ones are the ones who choose to have s*x without protection, and who expect to either be "given" an abortion, or who repeatedly adopt out children.  

I don't ever want any mother to abort a child, unless it's medically necessary.  I have helped several mothers keep their kids and have regretted it, because each time, the kids ended up in foster care (those mothers really didn't want to have kids in the first place).  I actually heard one say one time, that the reason she didn't use birth control was, "I couldn't afford it".  She was the selfish one.  I believe the one who places their child for adopt is the least selfish, providing that she keeps in contact with the child, and is there to answer questions for him/her afterwards

Answer 26

The mother that aborts her child, of course.   When a mother aborts her child, she is thinking about herself.  The mother who places for adoption is the most unselfish woman in the world. I am adopted and also have 2 adopted children- and I can tell you, it took the most selfless kind of love to be able to place their babies in the arms of someone else.

EDIT- and for a mother who says that she is doing what is best for herself by abortion= really has no clue what an abortion can do the her. And it also never ceases to amaze me that someone that thinks that life is precious and should not be aborted would get any thumbs down at all, oh well!!

Answer 27

Selfish is not the right word. I don't either are selfish. In some circumstances an abortion is your last option and its not killing a baby because its just a foetus.. its a tiny little thing. Keeping a baby when you don't think you can look after it and giving it a horrid life instead of putting it up for adoption is selfish. It would have a better life if it was just put up for adoption.

Answer 28

Both.

I think people who are not in a place to raise a child are selfish to be irresponsible with their reproductivity.  This includes men.

Answer 29

Selfish to whom? No matter which choice a woman makes she will always regret the desicion she made and have to live with the guilt. I don't know which would be worse, killing the baby or giving the baby away as I only gave mine away and it has been many years of guilt and depression.

Answer 30

again why do people have to compare adoption with abortion? It's like you are beating us over the heads with the phrase " you could of been aborted." Duh! Don't i know that. I just hate it that people have to use this in regards to adoption. Everyone that is involved with adoption has their own seperate feelings and issues with it. Adoption is there, people use it. Abortion is there and people use it. Who cares! If you are an adoptive parent just be thankful that you have your kid,  instead of saying things like this.

Answer 31

adoption because in the one hand give up her responsiilities as a mother and the other hand she will be able to meet the child again when she will need him/her.