Who is to blame for cheating?

Question

When I ask about mates maintaining contact with ex's, people reacted in a way that made me wonder ... are people blaming the 'other' person for affairs rather than their mate for not being true to their vows (if married) or promises (if not married)?

Answer 1

It takes two to tango... blame lay's at both sets of feet.

Answer 2

The "other party" has some blame for not respecting your vows, but the person who stood in front of family and friends and promised to be with only you bears the most responsibility.  

Answer 3

Usually both of the people are to blame for cheating because they both have an immature relationship.

Answer 4

It's actually both in my opinion. The mate or S/O shouldn't put themselves in that situation. And the ex should know better.

Answer 5

Its not the person they are having an affair with but the person cheating on their significant other.  People like to go after the other person when they need to blame who they are dating or married to, they are the ones in the relationship with them not the other person.  People like to look for something or someone to blame when they should be blaming the right person.    

Answer 6

Well it really depends on who you ask and the situation. Some people say that spouses cheat because they aren't getting what they need from home. All men and women have to be intimate every once and a while and if they don't get it from their spouse I think they go searching in other places. However, I believe that whoever cheated is to blame because it takes two to make a relationship work and just because your partner doesn't want to be intimate doesn't mean to go cheat... If your not being intimate then there is obviously a problem in the relationship dealing with both partners. There has been several discussions about this over the years. Most people do blame the female partners because they say that males "have" or "need" a certain amount of s*x in a relationship but face it. But face it, if they would treat the female right then she will probably give what he wants.

Answer 7

I think that the blame ulitmately lies with the person who is having an affair. That person is the one who took the vows, the person whom they are cheating with owes you nothing and therefore they are not the one who really caused the betrayal. This is not to say that they are not guilty of doing something wrong, but if my partner cheated I wouldn't really be able to blame the other person. That said, sometimes people who know that someone is in a relationship will intentionally try to get that person to be unfaithful. Still, it's the job of the person who's in the relationship to remain faithful.  

Answer 8

JMO and only JMO it is not one or the other, it is both that is to blame for cheating.

It takes two to tango.

I just read your additional details, and yes, if the woman chooses to cheat on the man, then yes, it is the woman's fault, and same with the man, if he chooses to cheat on the woman, then it is his fault.

Like I said, it goes both ways, Sarahsmama, I am sorry also.

Answer 9

Why blame anyone BUT the unfaithful spouse?  I would hardly expect someone else to honour OUR marriage vows.  

Answer 10

The spouse (or partner) who is doing the cheating is to blame. The one who they are cheating with may not know they are married, if they can lie to their spouse, they can lie to a lover. Even if the other person knows they are married, it's still the married person who took vows. The other person is just as bad, but, ultimately, the spouse is the one who shouldn't be stepping out.

Answer 11

Cheating is cool. I think it is s**y. I hope to be cheated on one day.

Answer 12

We're all responsible for our own actions. Johnnie can't blame Susie for his weakness. A person in a committed relationship has the obligation of keeping their nose clean or facing the consequences of their actions.

Answer 13

They are both worthy of blame.

Yes, the spouse took vows, and made a commitment. But the 'other' is still very much worthy of blame becaue they are still taking part.

You don't do something very hurtful and say you have no blame because you didn't owe the victim anything. For example, you wouldn't torch someone's house and say, 'well, I didn't do anything directly to them, and I didn't make a commitment to not hurt them anyway, so I have no blame.' That's bollocks.

When you do something hurtful knowingly, you are at fault for the pain you case.  

Answer 14

My fiance' sent his ex girlfriend flowers for her birthday last week. I told him it was highly inappropriate and I consider it cheating. I actually called her to ask about their relationship and she was VERY defensive, so there's my answer!