Who should be given courtesy to visit a family member in the emergency room?

Question

Recently, my brother was in an automobile accident. His wife had a friend drive her to the E.R, and my mother followed them in her car after a brief introduction. Upon arrival, the 'friend' dropped off my brother's wife and my mother followed her to the parking area where this 'friend' took the last parking space! My mother had to drive around for nearly 30 minutes before she could park. In the E.R this 'friend' pushed her way pass my mother (despite my mother protesting in shock at this woman's audacity) and went in to see my brother (where his wife was already). To be clear, my mother did not get to see her son until after this 'friend' did!

This 'friend', in my opinion, was completely out of line. I've always believed that in a family crisis of that nature a spouse has first courtesy, then the parents. Friends should step aside, they can be there and offer their invaluable support - but not be in the way.

I would like to know your opinions as to what are the etiquette guidelines in an emergency situation. Is there a family 'pecking order' that should be respected?

Thank you sincerely.

Answer 1

Family should have precedence.

But in a crisis, people don't always think clearly.  Your friend may have been in just such a state.  Did your friend even know that your mother was right there?  Does your friend know your mother?  

Answer 2

Mother and spouse are first! Some people are just rude.

Answer 3

I totally agree with you. Family should come first before the "friend" especially in any situation like this. That "friend" sounds very rude and ignorant for not letting the mom get the last parking space and mom definitely should of saw her son before any "friend"! I would of hit the roof!

Answer 4

I highly doubt that the friend took the last parking space on purpose.  She was just trying to park and get inside.  The Hospital staff should have stopped her.  If she is not immediate family, she has no business going into the emergency room.  His wife should have asked her to wait.

Answer 5

First of all, hope your brother recover soon.

Now, since your brother is married, the wife should be first.

next should be the immediate family, meaning mom and dad and brothers and sisters.

This so called friend is totally out of line. Even if they're extremely close, they're the last because no matter how close this friend is with your brother, friend is still friend. Family is still first priority. Even relatives has to wait in line not to mention friend.

But on the other hand, though it's wrong of this 'friend' to do what she did. The show of concern is still there. This might be the first time she went through this incident and don't know how to handle this. Just tell her directly but not harshly that she was out of line. I'm pretty sure she didn't mean to bypass your mom on purpose.

No matter who's fault is it, the main concern is still your brother's health.

Wish your brother a speedy recovery!

Answer 6

If it were me driving the friend I would have dropped her off let her get inside, and let mom take the parking space. I wouldn't even have thought about going in till after the wife and mom had seen him, unless invited. I certainly wouldn't have pushed my way in. It sounds like the friend was out of line to me.  

Answer 7

It SHOULD be immediate family meaning parents, spouse and the siblings. The friend was out of line and the hospital should of seen to it that the family was with him, not a friend.  

Answer 8

It is supposed to be a spouse, parents, or siblings. After that others are only allowed in if given permission by the patient or immediate family. I am surprised that they let this "friend" go back in after parking.

My husband (fiance' at the time) was rushed to the ER and I was in the ambulance with him. After giving all the information they made me sit in the waiting room unitl his parents arrived and said it was okay.