Who should i be mad at?

Question

my big brother is in jail, he's 24. wat happened was he was living in my moms house. he does some drugs. twice he took money from my moms bank account(wen he had a job , she put him on it) and so she put out an arrest warrant for him becuz he left. we heard nothing for a while. i know he used the money for drugs, he told me himself. me and him r rele close. we talk about everything. then my mom calls my dads friend one day to tell him that they caught him. he stole a car and had drugs, and stolen items with him. i am a little mad at my mom becuz if she hadnt kicked him out, he wudnt have been out stealing cars. but then my brother did take her money. then again she's always saying that her job is so great and makes her alot of money. so idk wat to do

Answer 1

Your brother has some serious problems.  If he thinks it's OK to use drugs, take money, steal things and jack a car, things are not right with him.  

At 24 if you're kicked out of your house a "normal" person would go to a friend/relatives house, get a job VERY fast and save up enough in those first 4-6 weeks to move out on their own, even if they were moving into a scummy place.  Oh, and while at the friend/relatives house they would contribute to groceries and housework.

Is that what your brother did?  No, he stole money from your mom, stole a car and bought drugs.  She did him a favor by having him arrested.  At least he is safe, separated from his drugs and feeling the consequences of his poor choices.

Your brother needs serious help and maybe now he'll get it.  Don't be mad at your mom.  It sounds like if your brother was still living with her at age 24 and had his name on the bank account that she gave him PLENTY of chances to turn his life around.

I hope your brother gets the help he needs, and I hope you are able to forgive your mom.

Answer 2

You know what, Your brother is a big boy and makes his own choices in life.  I know it is hard to stand by and watch someone self destruct.  

When I was 16 and my brother was 14 we went through a similar situation.  He was abusive towards my mother, my younger sister and I.  He stole from us and used the money for who knows what.  My Mom gave him chance after chance, set up meeting after meeting with therapists, she did everything she could.  But finally it was enough.  He kept making the same bad choices.  

Eventually Mom had to be what was best for her and us.  My brother moved into a group home, dropped out of school, ran away, lived on the streets, in a homeless shelter.  But eventually, while at the shelter, he got his grade 12 diploma, a full time job and an apartment of his own.

But he had a couple really bad years, Mom loved him through it all, helped him by buying food and clothes, but never gave him money.  I did once, I gave him 500$ to pay rent, and he used it for drugs, I never gave him money again.  

It was so hard to watch, but he had to hit rock bottom, and work his way through.

Your Mom has to take care of herself and the rest of your family, it is probably killing her to watch her baby go through the things he is, but for his own good she has to let him work through it.  If she is always bailing him out he will never learn.  

Being angry is normal and okay, but be angry at your brother's choices, not him, or your Mom.

Answer 3

you're wrong kid.  

If you're brother wasn't on drugs then he wouldn't be stealing.  When he was at home he stole from your mother.  Since she won't let him live with her and steal from her then he steals from other people.

you should be mad at your brother because he loves drugs more than he loves himself and he steals from family, friends and strangers just to get his high.  you should be mad at your brother for throwing his life away.

Trust me.  If you had anything worth taking he'd steal that from you to support his habit.

if you really love and care for your brother then you would be encrouaging him to join Nar-Anon or AA or to go into rehab somewhere to get over his addiction.

If he comes to you and says he needs money to eat then feed him or buy him groceries but don't give him money--it's going to support his drug habit.  If he comes to you and says he needs a place to stay then find him a shelter or let him stay with you but with hard and fast rules as to what he can and can't do while he stays with you and you have a solid leave by date for him to go.  Do not allow him to suck you into his sickness and to leach off you so he can continue his drug habit.  

Show your love for him by allowing him to suffer the consequences of his actions.  If that means he goes to jail for stealing cars, then he goes to jail.  

It's hard to do, but it is necessary in order to get them to clean up.  Some rise to the challenge of sobriety, some crash and burn and commit suicide by accidental overdose.

Answer 4

you can't say for sure that if your mom hadn't kicked him out that he wouldn't have done all of that stuff. It sounds like your brother is in a bad place now and needs help getting himself sorted out.

My younger brother is 18 and my parents have kicked him out several times, and this last time has been the longest. He is no longer aloud top come back home. He drinks and does drugs and has been violent and steals.

Sometimes the best thing you can do for the ones you love is to just let them go, not to let hem drown, but to let them pull themselves back up.

The important thing is, that you still love your brother and believe in him, even when he doesn't believe in himself. Talk to you mom about that, I'm sure you'll find out that she feels the same way, she is probably just hurting because he is hurting himself

Hope things get better

Answer 5

will don`t be deal with 2day because that might be something good to him to be aware in his life

Answer 6

So what did you want your mom to do, smile and say of course steal the money to buy more drugs ?

We each make choices in life, your brother needs to change his path and show that he can stay clean. If he doesn't he'll be in jail, running or dead. Sorry - reality sucks sometimes.

Answer 7

be ma at your brother for doing the drugs and taking the money it was wrong but i see the delema your mom probly shouldn't have put out a warran6t for the arrest of her own son.