Who should i listen to...... dad or husband

Question

my dads having a massive summer party next saturday and really want to go. Only i live 100 away and my husband refuses to go.

I understand why my husband sont want to go- every time i meet up with my family, they spoil it and i get upset and frustrated. i got 2 kids so understandable that the family would like to come and see them. only my family promise to help out with them and we always ebnd up stressing as were runnign round after them while the fmaily take their pics and bugger off leaving me upset.

Now there having a summer party and everyones going. i feel left out if i dont go and told my dad id come. only thing is my husband dont want to go and wont take me- i cant get trains as costs too much and is too far for me to do this with kids and luggage. My dad said he'd pick me up but i fear if i go on my own id be pushed out like usual.

I feel stuck in the middle of them both and just want to run away. id liek to go and see the family but know it will end in tears but how can i let my dad down as he'll prob refuse to speak to me if i tell him i aint coming now as he wanted to show off his grnadchilden to friends and family?

Answer 1

listen women,,i am 13 and i already know what to do,,,just do what u want,,if ur 'husband' wont let you go to the party then u wont do the cleaning in the house,,,as easy as abc,,

Answer 2

It sounds as if your "family" has a lot of "issues" and  they come across as somewhat dysfunctional as well. You also state that you ALWAYS end up in tears whenever you get around them. It appears to me that your husband is trying to "protect" you from further disappointment and emotional abuse, by refusing to go or to take you! He probably doesn't want to "demand" that you not go and hopes that by making it inconvenient for you that you would choose (on your own) not to  attend this potentially hostile environment. I understand that you love and miss your family and want to visit them, but your father appears to have control issues and if he really would stop speaking to you just because you are unable to come to his "massive show off his grandchildren party" then perhaps you should re-think your decision to subject yourself or your kids to this type of environment. Ask yourself if your father really wanted to visit with you or did he just want to add another "boost to his ego" by only wanting you there to "show off the grandchildren?" Your husband has the potential to be your greatest friend, protector, and ally between you and your family. You are married now and your father should not have any more control over you! Perhaps you could even seek some counseling to help you deal with your family issues. You should NEVER be made to feel pressured, obligated or guilty for making decisions concerning you or your children's lives! That includes legally, morally and especially emotionally! You deserve to be treated with love and RESPECT! You have the choice to allow it to continue or decide today that you will NOT allow anyone to manipulate your emotions ever again, and that includes your father! So, to answer your question...I think you should get your husbands input on the matter and LISTEN to your heart! The decision you make should leave you feeling comfortable and at peace! If you feel anxious, guilty or pulled in two different directions, then you are still allowing yourself to be manipulated! The choice is yours! I hope this helps you to make your decision and I wish you the best in your future!

Answer 3

Sounds like your husband has issues with your parents side of the family and that needs to be corrected.  

Answer 4

first of all, they are your kids.  if you can't take care of them, how do you expect others to?

when my husband was gone, i used to travel by myself with two kids.  i would drive 400 miles one way for big family events.  i didn't expect my family to take care of my kids when i got there.  they are my kids.

how far are you travelling again?

i think you should go.  you and your husband should stop expecting your family to help with the kids.  there's two of you.  i know women who take care of 3 and 4 by themselves.  please grow up and be reasonable.

EDIT:  then leave the kids with your husband and go.  you're making an issue of nothing.