Who should walk me down the aisle? I can't stand my father!?

Question

My dad and I don't have a great relationship...we never did. He and my mom are divorced and he doesn't have much of a relationship with my fiancee. He probably won't be contributing much financially, if not at all to my wedding and my mother is the one hosting. I do want to invite him to the wedding, however I don't want him to walk me down the aisle, but he thinks that he is priviledged to do so just because he's my father and it's tradition...I think it would be totally hypocritical and I would be very uncomfortable and angry. However, most of our families and friends don't really know that our relationship is strained. Most people I know who walk down the aisle with their mother do so because their father has passed away, but my father will probably be at the wedding. Should I just pretend and let him walk me down the aisle so that my guests won't wonder? Or should I walk down by myself? What should I do?

Answer 1

I think if he is at the wedding he has to walk you down the aisle. It would be the most horrendous public snub otherwise, which as you have an already strained relationship would undoubtedly put it at break point. Your relationship with him may improve at some point and then you will have to live with what you did to him. If I were you, I would grin & bear it.

Answer 2

No, walk down it yourself...he doesn't deserve to "give you away" if he hasn't been there at all...and don't worry about what others say or do or what he does and reacts...if he is at all mad, then tell him about your past and he'll shut up cuz he knows deep down he shouldn't even be there.

I hope this helps...and good luck.

Answer 3

Do you want to pretend you're happy?  No?  Then don't leave anything to pretending on your happiest day.

I have to ask this first.  Is there any way to amend things between you and your father before the wedding?  Most likely not, huh?  That would be the ideal thing.  But I don't think that's going to happen.

NO PRETENSES.  You should invite your father but don't disillusion him.  In a nice way, (if there is one) tell him some one else will walk you down the aisle.  Or, if you decide to, tell him you want to walk alone.  And don't worry about what other people think.  If they really care about you, they'll accept whatever makes you happy.  If they don't, they probably shouldn't be there anyway.

Don't put a blemish on your wedding day.  Be honest with everybody.  Especially to yourself!

I wish you and your husband-to-be the very best in life.  Good luck and congratulations.

Answer 4

Before letting him do so, forgive him. You'll be better off for doing so and the preverbial elephant will be off your back. I know it must be tough, but forgiveness is something that we all need to do more often.

Answer 5

just invite him and let him sit in like the first row or something so then he is still "honored" but then just walk down by yourself.  or if you have a brother or a grandfather who could walk you down that could work too.  good luck

Answer 6

Don't compromise your desires on your wedding day. Have a brother, uncle, nephew do it. Someone you feel close to and can appreciate the significance of the walk, even your mom.

Answer 7

Ask a Grandfather. It's sad you two are estranged. He knows how you two get along so he should also understand why he's not in the wedding party. People do change, will you consider him the chance to be a grampa? Congratulations!

Answer 8

I wouldn't pretend you don't have to explain to no one why your father didn't walk you down the aisle.  Walk by yours self or let someone else who was more of a father figure then he was walk you.  Your dad might be upset but he should understand what he has done to make you feel this way.  And you wedding should go according to your plans because this is a day you will never forget so it suppose to be special.

Answer 9

Get an uncle, brother or cousin to walk you down the aisle. It's your day, and you don't have to do anything you don't want to.

Answer 10

Let him walk you down. You could also have your mother walk with you too. Or if you have a stepfather that you are close to, have him and your father walk you down. Keeping the peace will make for a more beautiful wedding day for you

Answer 11

Do what YOU want to do. People can wonder or not...you're not there to satisfy anyone but yourself and your soon-to-be husband.

Answer 12

Grandpa from either side of your family.

Answer 13

It's your choice!  Don't let what anyone else thinks have an influence on what YOU want!  If you want your Mom to do it, then that's the way it should be!  Congrats and have a wonderful day!

Answer 14

This is a tough one but simple He is your dad and unless he's done something unforgivable he should walk you down the isle. To exclude him would put a cloud over your wedding and people would notice and maybe even be a little uncomfortable. People will say " it's your wedding so do what you want" I say your wedding is not the place to perpetuate these feelings. It is the last time you will have to include him in events in your life so put your anger aside and have a beautiful wedding and a wonderful new future

Answer 15

Your mother.

Answer 16

You could walk alone, or, if you choose to see your groom before the wedding, you could have him walk you down the aisle

Answer 17

go modern, walk by yourself. its much more intimate for you and your fiancee also.

Answer 18

In the end, it's totally up to you.  You shouldn't feel uncomfortable at your own wedding to accommodate your Dad or the guests.  I would want someone who is close to me. If you have a close relative or friend who could do it that would probably be the best solution.  It's not totally unheard of to walk down the aisle by yourself.  The "giving away of the bride" is a tradition you don't have to participate in if you don't wish to.

Answer 19

My friend had a similar situation...at the end she allowed her dad to walk her.  A few years after they becamse close and he died of cancer....

You have to do what is best for you.

Answer 20

If he can't walk you down the aisle why invite him to the wedding. It would be an uncomfortable situation. He will always be your father no matter what. You are taking a major step in your life and I think you should forgive and forget and get on with your life.

Answer 21

Who has loved and cared for you most throughout your entire life?

Not grandpas, not uncles, brothers or random MALE family members.

This is an honor that DESERVES to go to BOTH parents or your MOTHER alone.

People would insult their OWN mothers by passing her over for a human with a p***s!

Whatever!

Answer 22

I think since this is your day you should do what YOU want.  Since you and your mom have a great relationship I think she deserves to walk you down the aisle with you!  Just remember to do what your heart tells you!  Have a beautiful wedding=-)

Answer 23

Kill him. JOKE!!! (OK. not funny)

Try to make thing better between you both and if that doesn't work then you can choose who walks you down the isle. who cares about tradition?!?! it's supposed to be your special day NOT you dad's. just don't walk down by yourself cos that will feel really weird!!

it's up to you. you know what is right...

=]

good luck and congrats!

=]

Answer 24

I agree with kiki walk down the aisle by yourself, because even though you have a bad relationship with your father having someone else walk you down the aisle will be like a slap in his face, and maybe in the years to come you will be able to have a better relationship with your father. But most importantly you have to do what you feel is right. Good luck and congratulations!

Answer 25

go with what you want.

it doesnt matter what the guest think on your special day. if you want to walk down alone, walk down alone.

if you want to walk down with a freind, walk down with a freind.

its totally up to you since its your big day

Answer 26

Have both Mom & Dad walk you.  Put personal feelings aside for the day and give your father the priveledge of walking with you.  Don't use your wedding, a milestone occasion, for getting even with Dad.  Though you are probably well within your rights to feel as you do, there is a time and place for everything.  Your wedding is not the time nor the place.

Answer 27

Go with what makes you the most comfortable.  If you are going to be angry and mad "pretending" that you and your dad have that kind of relationship, then don't do it.  This day is about you and your fiancee.  Do what makes both of you happy.

Answer 28

Do what you want, not waht otehrs expect!  If you want you rmom then do that!  Your dad can be there but not walk you!

Answer 29

oh for petes sake's let him walk you down the isle how long will it last? 3 minutes? look at that great singer Leann Rimes--her own father stole lots of money from her!! but she made the decision to forgive him and had him walk her down the asile, she was the better person.  So your dad mad made mistakes and you don't like him, so what--he's your father.

   Do no dishonor him that way.

Answer 30

Go yourself or get like your uncle or someone to do it.

Answer 31

I understand that this is supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life, but this will only be one tiny flaw! honey, to put it simply, deal with it. people will start to talk about how you wouldn't let your own father walk you down the aisle, and that won't recieve very good comments.

Good Luck! Hope I helped!