Who to invite to a 2nd baby shower?

Question

I'm pregnant with my 2nd son. I had 5 baby showers with my 1st (now 2 1/2 years old), and I was not expecting any for this pregnancy. My friends, family, church, and coworkers were so overly generous last time around, I would feel bad registering and asking them for any more gifts. Well, two of my friends who have been asking me since finding out that I'm pregnant if anyone is giving me a shower this time around (they were in charge of the church one the last time) and I've been telling them no and that I don't expect one because you don't get one for the 2nd child (unless there is a really huge age gap between them).

They just e-mailed me and told me that they are planning one for me at a restaurant and they want me to send them a guest list and that I should register somewhere so that people will know what sort of things I want. The only two baby items I don't have left over are way too expensive for me to ask any of my friends for, so I am not going to register. Also, I don't know who to invite. I was considering only asking friends who either I didn't know or wasn't that close to the last time, but then if my long time friends hear about it, I don't want them to feel slighted. If I ask my long time friends, I don't want them feeling obligated to spend any more money. Most of them really when overboard in spending with my first pregnancy. Also, they wont give me a limit on the number of people I can invite, and if it will be at a restaurant, they will have to pay for whatever people order, and I don't want them going broke paying for it. If I could find a way to tell them that I love them for wanting to do this for me, but no thank you without hurting their feelings, I would.

Here is my question: Who should I invite, and what is a reasonable number that will let them have the party they want to have for me, but not break their pocketbooks (I make more than the two of them combined, and know they can't afford to do this).

Answer 1

Sounds to me like you have a good grasp for the usual etiquette in this matter, so my question to you would be-----why not just say "NO?"

Evidently your friends are not quite familiar enough with customary protocols and are not listening to your wishes.  If anyone raises eyebrows, it will be towards you---not the hostesses of a needless baby shower.  

I realize that any new baby is reason for celebration, but maybe your friends can be a bit more creative in planning a celebration without calling it a 'shower' and obligating guests to purchase gifts.

Best wishes to you and your coming birth.

Answer 2

Since you say you don't want anymore gifts and your friends are INSISTING on a shower, may I suggest that you ask for frozen dishes be brought along instead of gifts?

Trust me, you'll appreciate this SO MUCH MORE than the expensive items you feel you "NEED".  Make sure you schedule this as close as is reasonable to your due date and make room in your freezer.

Congratulations!

Answer 3

I would tell your freinds that you would rather have a welcoming home party meaning that AFTER you have your baby and bring him home people can come over and see him. They can bring a gift they want to, but really you just want everyone to come by and see the baby. Also I would remind them that you just had a baby shower and you have everything except those 2 items and that it is RUDE to have another shower so close together for a baby of the same s*x as your first. If they want to do something for you then maybe  they can help put together the welcome home party instead.  

Answer 4

Oh dear....this is a new one. It's usually the other way around and the expectant mother wants AND expects another shower when the first one should have yielded enough baby things to last until the second or third child......I think if I were you I would tell the ladies that inviting just your Sunday school class or church group is sufficient since you have everything you need. Make it a diaper shower or something specific that you know you'll need, but don't necessarily have on hand (lotion, shampoo, other inexpensive, but necessary baby items).

I do commend you for recognizing the generosity of your friends and not wanting to impose on them. That seems to be so rare these days.

Answer 5

..well its not really that close your babyshower was almost 3 years ago..if they really want to do it then let them just keep it small and if you register,regster for small thngs like baby bottles bibs stuff like that you can never have enough baby shampoo and stuff like that..

Answer 6

I agree with you that 2nd showers shouldnt be done unless there is a huge age gap between the children. People just get "gifted out".  However, if they are going to insist, then the only ones that should be invited are new friends and new coworkers who werent invited to the first shower.  But, (like you) my preference would be not to have one either.

If they are going to do it anyway, then I like the idea of showering you with frozen meals that can be heated up after you come home from the hospital. That would really come in handy, everyone can be invited, and no one would feel like you are "double dipping". If anyone wants to give more than a frozen meal, they will, but they wont feel obligated the way they would if they got a regular shower invitation.