Who to please? My sister or husband to be ???? OMG?

Question

I am about to recieve my finace visa and fly to the US, I am getting married shortly after that, the only family member I have there is my sister which lives in a different state than my finace and husband to be. here is the problem. she wants me to get married at her state and have the wedding party at her house. my husband to be wants to get married at his parant's house. my sister refuse to go to his state because it is not close to her's and her husband will be losing money if he leaves his work. my husband to be said that is it ok for us to get married at my sisters but he will not let me have a party, he just wants to get married at the church and go have a nice dinner for four "me, him, sister and brother in law" but he tells me that if we get married at his parants we can have the dream wedding party I always dream to have. what shall I do? I have not seen my sister in a long time and I do not want to make her upset and of course I don't want to upset my husband to be. Help plz

Answer 1

If ur close to her shell understand if u want a dream wedding,and u can still have a party at her house,just a different occasion

Answer 2

You, You, You, You, You and then Your husband to be then the rest of the family.

but if all you have in the US is your sister and she wont be able to attend the wedding, how would even consider it your dream wedding if all you know there is your husband??

it's a tough call for you but I would say that you will be happier with a a nice dinner of people you know than a big party of people you;ve just met.

Answer 3

first of all

what do u want? imagine if u didnt have your husband or your sister pressuring u. where would u want to have it?

and why wont ur husband let u have a party if u get married in ur sisters state? sounds like hes being a bit difficult.

personally id say that ur sister has nothing to do with the wedding, and i would have it in ur husbands state and then visit ur sister after.

Answer 4

Go on and have your wedding in your sister's state.  I am sure, your husband will make another wedding party when you go to his state.

BEST WISHES!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 5

Husband. And you. Sister does not get a vote. It is nice of her to offer, tell her that, and tell her  you must accept what the groom's parents are offering.

Answer 6

You are not marrying your sister.

She said nothing about why she can't come to the wedding alone

Your fiance seems to have a nice compormise with the dinner idea.

Examine what each person has said to you and see if their reasoning is sound or if they are just trying to control you.

Answer 7

It sounds to me like he is a selfish man who will do anything to get his way. If you are really prepared to marry such a person, then I suppose you will need to go along with what he wants instead of what your sister wants.

Answer 8

htb

Answer 9

just do what makes you happy!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 10

Personally, I'd get married at my sister's.  I've had a ceremony already where I didn't know anybody but the groom (and it seems I didn't know him either).  No amount of 'perfect' wedding will make up for that lack.  Family comes first.  Your hubby to be can bring his immediate family with him.

It's traditional, you know, to marry where the bride's family lives, not where the groom's family does.

Answer 11

ITS YOUR WEDDING AND UR NEW HUSBAND TO BE HE COMES FIRST NOW

Answer 12

It's your and your fiance's wedding so I don't see why your sister should have a say in it at all. She should be able to come alone if her husband can't come.

It does seem strange that your fiance would "allow" you to have a party at his parents but not your sister's though.... It sounds as if they are both being selfish/controlling.

Answer 13

your new husband comes first and do what he wants, since you will be living here permantly, you can just go visit her another time!!

Answer 14

Well your soon-to-be husband should be your #1 now, and it should be important to you to get married with his parents there, since if you get married at your sister's, his parents might not come. So, I'd say his parent's.

Answer 15

It seems like both of them are using something to pull you in one direction.

It is not nice for your fiance to say you don't get a party if you get married at your sisters and it is not nice to say she won't come.  I can understand your sisters plight though, especially with gas prices these days.

Your fiance is sounding a bit controlling.  What do you want?  Who will be paying for the party?  Who will be coming to your party?  His family?  Have you met any of his family or friends?  I would think that since your sister is the only one in the states and the only family member to attend, I would either offer to pay for her and her husbands way to come over, or make some other compromise.  You should get married where You BOTH want to get married.  You should not let your husband to be bribe you with a party.  After all, isn't it the people who mean the most to you more important than a party?

I would encourage you to sit down and talk with your fiance and also talk to your sister and tell them both how you feel about it.  Best wishes to you and your wedding.

Answer 16

Your sister is being very very selfish. go and have the wedding you have always dreamed of. If you have not seen your sis in a long time then it says to me you are closer to your fiance. Go have the wedding at his parents house and have a perfect day

Answer 17

If your sister really loves you she will realise that it's your day and give you want you want. It sounds like she cares way too much about what she wants and what she thinks you want, that what youa ctually do want. Talk to her and tell her that you want your dream wedding and you would like her to come over and be there. It is your wedding, not hers. If she is too stubborn and won't come then to be honest you're better off without her. She doesnt HAVE to bring her husband.

Answer 18

i see so many red flags with this situation, it's a little disturbing.

first of all, why are you even considering catering your location around what's convenient for your sister? she's not the one getting married. this isn't her wedding. what about your other guests and the inconvenience they'll have to take to take time off and travel? if her husband can't get away from work, then they can keep their traveling to 2 days (assuming you're getting married over a weekend) or leave your brother-in-law at home if work is more important to him than your wedding (which sounds like it is). if your sister's issue has to do with cost, then why is she proposing to hold a wedding party (i'm assuming they would pay for the wedding party, which will DEFINITELY cost more than travel cost)? but if she's making you pay for the party, which would just be at her house, then how does this benefit you at all?

now, as demanding and selfish as your sister sounds, i'd have to say your husband is even worse. what you may not realize, but is as clear as day, to anyone reading your post is that your husband is punishing you for wanting to have a wedding with your family, the only family you have in this country. He is doing this by taking away the things in your wedding you've "always dreamed of" so that you will do what he wants. and there's no reason to give you this ultimatum except to entice you to do what he wants. cost doesn't seem like an issue with him since he said he'd hold your dream wedding IF you have it at his parent's place. what kind of a man does that to his future wife? he should be working with you and your sister to figure out how to make everyone happy, especially you (!!).

i'm sorry to sound harsh but your situation really sounds like bad news and i'm sure you can sense that. is this the kind of thing you want your husband to do to you in other major life situations? you guys really need to sit down and talk about why you're both letting him make the decisions and punishing you if you don't go his way.

you're best bet is to hold it in a neutral area somewhere between your sister's and your fiance's husband's home. or if your sister is truly  in a bad financial situation, have the wedding at her house and hold a grand event to celebrate your day. if your husband objects to that for no real reason other than he doesn't want to, even if it would make you happy, then i'm not sure he's going to be cut out to deal with the selflessness that will inevitably have to happen if you're going to have a strong marriage. Please talk to your husband about this and find out why he is being unreasonable and taking away from your happiness on what will be one of the most memorable days of your life.

Answer 19

Your sister shouldn't be demanding,it's your wedding,you have it were you want.It's not your problem her husband will be losing money.She should be thinking about your wedding,not her husband losing money.Put your fiance first in this situation.

Answer 20

fiancé's come and go but family is family forever!

But you should do what you want!

Answer 21

It's YOUR wedding.  Your the Bride! I just got married myself. I live in the UK with my husband but I am from California. We had the wedding in California since I moved to the UK for him. Plus I have a lot more family and it would have been more expensive to fly everyone out to the UK.

This is your big day. If you want to do it at your future hubby's parents house, then tell your sister. If you want to have it at your sisters, then have it there. You will soon learn that marriage is all about compromise AFTER the wedding hahaha.

I am flying all the way out to California for my sisters wedding. I do not have that much leave left after taking time off this year for our wedding and Honeymoon. So I have to fly out Wednesday, go to the rehearsal right after I land, then the wedding on Friday and fly back Saturday so I can arrive Sunday and go to work on Monday. Why am I telling you this? I am telling you this because she's my sister and I love her and even though it's hard AND very expensive to fly out this time of year, she's my family.

Unless it's the financial aspect of things and this is why your soon to be Hubby won't let you have a party at your sisters, that is one thing. But if he is doing it because he is trying to coax you into his family's house. That's a WHOLE other bag.

Ramble Ramble I know... But to sum everything up. Your the Bride, This is your ONE special day, it only happens once (if your lucky) So make sure you do what YOU feel is right and what will make you have the best day ever. Nothing would be worse then you doing something to make someone else happy and then the moment is gone forever. You know?!

Answer 22

Are you sure he's the right man for you?

It seems to me like he wants to "rule" everything in your life. Than, what it means: if we get married to my parents you will have a great ceremony, if not just a simple dinner??? gosh, it seems my old fiance.

Your sister is the closer person you have in the Us... I just wanted to share my happyness with her.. and I'm sure she wants to be by your side on your happier day...

In my mind, it seems like he wants to separate you from your family. Think about this stuff!

Answer 23

You do not want to start off a marriage trying to 'over rule' your husband. It is up to the two of you not your sister where you get married. It sounds like he offered you a compromise, get married at his parents and get a party, get married at your sisters and go to dinner. It really depends on which you want. It will probably cost your husband to be money to go to your sisters just like it would cost her husband to go to your state. You may not want to upset your sister but you are a big girl now about to have a husband and he is the top priority not your sister, sorry.