Who to tell or not tell we are eloping?

Question

My fiance and I announced our engagement in October 2007, we told everyone then we had a date of January 10, 2009 set for a wedding. Since then we have decided since this is a second marriage for both of us we don't want to deal with another full on wedding. Instead we plan to elope sometime this fall. I am concerned about close friends and family being hurt by this so should I call and tell them right before we do it or should I just suck it up and not say anything until after it's done?

Answer 1

I personally wouldn't tell anyone. Cause then they might want to be there too...and then that all leads to the whole, "They were invited we weren't" type of a thing, so I say just go do it!  Congrats!!!

Answer 2

Tell them beforehand! You will offend them more (rightfully so) if you elope in secret. You guys are adults, you can share your plans with everyone and should be able to explain your choices. It's completely understandable if you don't want a big wedding, and I expect that most people who know you will not have any issues with that.

Answer 3

i can give you some advice on what i think but only you know your family and how they would feel about you running off and getting married. i dont think you should hide that from anyone but its your choice if you want a private ceremony since you and him have been there done that, but maybe sit down with him and see who, in your family and friends, would get there feelings hurt

Answer 4

I don't think that we can really answer this for you.  It all depends on your relationship with your family & friends and how important it is to you for them to know beforehand (or even to participate in).  The other question is...are trying to elope to be secretive or are just going for the ease of going away?  

If you really just wanna to do it quickly, quietly, and with ease, don't tell 'em.   Just make sure that you're prepared for the potential fall out when you return.

On the otherhand, you can be honest with them & tell them what you're gonna do.  Surely, they'll be upset for a moment, but ultimately they should want to celebrate with you and allow you to have the day that YOU want.   Of course.....you never know...someone may just be willing to fly out and join you.  Would you really want that?

Answer 5

First, YOUR wedding, not theirs.  If you've 'been there, done that' and don't want to do it again, either of you, then skip it, and explain to your friends you want to focus on your life together more than a one-day wedding.

Don't say anything until you're sure about what you're doing.  My friend eloped and the grapevine shouted out every single idea she whispered to anyone!!!  It can be even more stressful this way.

You still need two witnesses, if they aren't provided by the courhouse or the chapel or what have you.  So you can pick two people you trust to tell, no matter what.  

My dad's a pastor and told me recently he did a fake wedding - the couple had been married for months but didn't tell anybody until after the (2nd) wedding and the reception - so nobody would hold back on giving gifts!  I thought that was on the devious side - but it is you, and YOU KNOW WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU!

:)

Congrats!

Answer 6

Why don't you plan a wedding on a Caribbean island?   You could invite your immediate family and closest friends.  This way, you would still have loved ones in attendance and still keep it small.

Answer 7

Tell your parents a day or two ahead of time, and let them listen in to the vows during the wedding on your cellphones. Have your BM and MOH come and witness if they can, and later when you have a formal ceremony, they'll be in on the secret.

Answer 8

I always feel that it's best to let someone know when you are going to be away, especially out-of-town.  My suggestion is to call your Mom. She might actually want to go and see you married again.