Whose idea was it to adopt?

Question

Was it your idea? Your spouse's? Mutual? Did you have to 'talk them into it'? Did it take them time to warm up to the idea, and then they were excited about it too?

Answer 1

It was mutual.

Answer 2

yes. yes .yes. It was my idea and it took time for my husband to warm up to it and I didn't have to talk him into it and he was very excited about it.

From what I know, most couples are on very different wave lengths about the whole infertility thing. They never are at the same place about it at the same time. It's all incredibly stressful and very difficult and wreaks havoc with the marriage, not to mention the s*x life. My husband said, "I just never pictured myself doing this." Well of course not! No one assumes they're going to be infertile and fantasizes about adoption. Most people fantasize about how and if the child will look like or act like of be like them or their partner and the concept of their child having nothing to do with them at the start is not part of the picture anyone has of how it will turn out. Even in a marriage, each person must make their own decisions and come to their own conclusions in their own time. We both wanted a second child (I gave birth to the first) but, I always wanted one more. My husband would have ultimately given up and been happy with one child if I had not taken the lead. That was not how I felt at all. It was truly awful for me to imagine my daughter as an only child and I wanted desperately to have another. I went through the infertility treaments and mostly they were dreadful and I stopped when I just couldn't stand it anymore but, only with the knowledge that we planned to persue adoption. There were giant ups and downs in the adoption process and it was a lot of work and a lot of stress. At one point my husband really felt like there was no love left in our lives and how could we dare to bring another child into our home. I knew that I was truly miserable because I just wanted the baby so badly and I could not let it go. For good or bad, that's how I was at that point. my husband somehow had faith in me and our marriage. We adopted a beautiful baby boy. To complicate the stress a little further, but also to illustrate the point, I'll finish with the following additional story.

When our son was about 8 months old, we had a huge scare about his adoption finalization. It was like one of those TV drama things that give domestic adoptions a bad name and make everyone feel like there's no way they'd ever put themselves through it. I held it together and just assumed that it would work out because I couldn't even fathom how I could live any other way. But, on the very first day of this scare I sat down with my husband and I told him two important things. Both were just to warn him about how I felt about the possibility of losing our son. I told him that if anyone ever said to me "Well, at least you have your daughter," that I would never speak to them again. I could not deal with that kind of insensitivity from people who thought they were being understanding. And I needed him to support me in that feeling and not somehow try to help me see it from their perspective. If someone loses a leg, don't ever tell them they should be grateful that they still have their arms. The other thing I told him was that I needed to know for sure how very much he wanted our son and I needed him to acknowledge that he was so very grateful to me that we persued the adoption and got him. I told him that if I couldn't believe that, then if we did end up losing him, I'd never be able to understand his grief. I'd always feel like he didn't deserve to grieve and that my grief was greater than his. I really didn't see how our marriage could survive if I felt that way.

Thank goodness nothing happened along any of those lines. Our daughter is now nearly 18 and our son is 11. They are  the loves of our lives and we are both very happy to be their parents.

Answer 3

My husband and I both desired to adopt before we even met. We knew that even if we had biological children too that we would eventually adopt as well.

Answer 4

it was a mutual choice we could not have children of our own but so many unwanted babies we choice to adopt never ever regretted the choice

Answer 5

We adopted a boy after fostering him 8 years. He was 10 when we adopted him. It was both  our ideas and supported well by HIM and our relations.

As we told him at his adoption hearing, he is very special to us and we had the choice to adopt or not, not like when we have a new baby we have to accept what we get. We have had him since he was 2 1/2 yrs old. He is every bit a part of our family as the 3 other boys.

If you have a warm heart and a loving kind home, adopting a child is very rewarding to your family and the child concerned.

The process of adoption is fairly long, so be prepared to foster the child first. This cuts down time considerably.

( Connie Mom of 4 beautiful boys )

Answer 6

I started researching adoption while we were still doing infertility treatments and my husband was not ready to even discuss adoption yet.  

Once our last invitro cycle failed, my husband was totally gung-ho about adopting and we've never looked back.  We now have a 1-year-old daughter through domestic open adoption!  We couldn't be happier!!!

Answer 7

If a spouse has to "talk their spouse into" being a parent, whether through biology or adoption, then one of them needs to step up and say "No!"

Children are not a negotiable item!  They should be enthusiastically wanted by both parents.  Period.

Unless the parent is single, of course!

Answer 8

i haven't actaully adopted yet...but i've known since i was 14 that i will someday...and i tell everyone up front so they know. i had brought it up to my ex and he was all for it...of course he wanted to have his own first.....it doesn't matter to me which happens first. good luck and good for you...not everyone can adopt.

Answer 9

well  u  and  ur  spouse  have  to  talk  about  it  if  the  girl  cant  get  pregnant  and  if  yall  want  to  get  one  and  agree  go  ahead

Answer 10

In our case it was the birth parents who approached us about adopting their 3 month old baby. We talked about it for awhile before he agreed. He's 1 1/2 years old and been living with us ever since the age of 3 months. We started the adoption process after he turned one year old for financial reasons.

Answer 11

We have not adopted yet. I was adopted, and I have always wanted to adopt. My partner would prefer to birth natural children. It has taken a lot of time and research for her to fully understand adoption and realize what an amazing thing it is. She is still not fully convinced that it is the best thing, but I hope that after time she will be more excited.

Answer 12

It was originally my husband's idea. After thinking about it and having such a difficult pregnancy and labor with our last child, I agreed that giving birth again is not something I wanted to do. Also the fact that we kept trying for a girl and have all boys played a part in the decision. We are planning to adopt next year.

Answer 13

We came about it differently. We began to foster children but quickly fell in love. It was Gods will that their parents eventually lost custody to these children b/c I am sure God saw they were in a better place. We both did not even have to think about it when their caseworker asked about adoption. We both immediately jumped and said yes. This made our family of 4 into a family of 7 instantly and we are very happy!!

Answer 14

I had a hysterectomy at age 17, so we adopted two babies.

Answer 15

Well, since I knew of my infertility before marrying my husband, we knew before we were married that we planned to adopt to have a family.

I think often times it is the woman who takes the lead in the adoption process, (as they often do when planning a biological family, too!)  While I don't think it's okay to "talk someone into" parenthood, sometimes providing information and exposure to other people who have gone through an adoption is necessary to help ease fears that hold someone back.

Answer 16

It was mutual, but I was way more excited and ready for it than my husband.  However, the minute they put our first child into my husbands arms - that was all it took.  Within three years, we went from a family of 2 to a family of 5 compliments of international adoption.

Answer 17

My idea, and my spouse warmed up to it.  We are now expecting our own, but we plan to adopt later, and he is excited about it.