Why, in most cases, do parents treat younger children better then the older ones?

Question

I have a youger sister by 5 years and my mother and father have always treated her better then me. I am 31 now but it still bothers me. My sister has the great home, 2 children, married and I always feel left out. I know I should not be jealous, but I can not help it. She and her husband gave them a lot of land to put a small house on it. The place is real near my sister and now I only see my family once a week. They do not come to my home and I rarley talk to them on the phone, even when I call them they are always babysitting or they are over at my sister house. Am I being dumb?

Answer 1

Most parents are usually scared with their first child they will do something wrong so they are extra-cautious.  By the time the second child comes around they usually realize they can give the second child more slack and privileges than they did for yourself at a similar age.  Meanwhile, they get used to doing that...and the second child often becomes less sheltered and ends up learning more due to having more privileges.  

   Now, as a result I am guessing, your sister is the first one in a formal family.  And your parents quite likely are just psyched to have grandkids...and pamper them in a way neither you nor your sister got pampered...and give them better privileges than either of you got at the same age.

   No, you are not being dumb and, no, it's not fair.  And, by the way, don't be jealous about the "great big home" thing.  Trust me I get to handle a storm of handling neighbor's noise and bug problems, battling the neighborhood association to fix things, maintenance fees, replacing a/c,carpet, sealing + caulking the bathtub, fixing occasional leaky plumbing...and that's just for a condo I own ("even" in a prestigious area) not even a full-scale house.  And I don't have to take care of kids of drive them around either...I can chill out all weekend with my friends, hit the movies, ride my motorcycle...without having to worry about "the kids".  You can date guys without having to worry about being stuck to a legal marriage contract...

   In a way you should consider yourself very lucky...you are by no means tied down the way your sister is.  Sure, her parents are helping her but look at all the responsibilities she has...she likely needs all the help she can get. :-D

Answer 2

I have always felt this way with my family, My older brother and my younger sister are real troublemakers. My sister has a baby at 15 and my brother is always in and out of jail. They don't pay much attention to me at all because they know I can handle my own. Granted it hurts to not see them much, but they know I am independent and can do it all on my own. Your sister needs help because she has the kids. I understand you feeling left out, but just remember they love you too. and you could always talk to them and tell them you would really like to see them more often, and you take the iniciative and call them and invite them to dinner, or anything at all really.Good luck!

Answer 3

no i dont think you are being dumb. my fiancee is 23 and he has a 14 year old little brother. we are currently living with his mom and little bro. she treats them way different. if my fiancee even raises his voice with his mom she is down his throat yelling at him, telling him its her house and if he dont like it he can leave. his little brother on the other hand can tell her to shut up and leave him along. she can ask him the smallest of questions and he will jump down her throat yelling at her. she does everything for him. he dont even have to put his dirty dishes in the sink by himself but we get in trouble if we dont do the dishes or keep the house clean enough.....i actually feel bad for my fiancee because the favoritism she shows his little brother is so obvious.  

Answer 4

No, you are not being dumb. My sister and I are close in age 14 months apart. We were always made to compete we were both very jealous of each other. The thing is we still are very different. She's tall and slim I'm sort and thick she had her child right out of high school and stayed home. I went to college got married had a baby and another on the way. Now we are both married moms but we seem to still compete.

I think the problem comes in when siblings expect to be equals you’re NOT the same person therefore your parents can't treat you equally. My sister has sickle cell so she was very sick for a while and still is at times. She got a lot of support and help with her kids people always give her stuff she and her husband were given a brand new min-van when their old one was stolen they where also given a place to stay when they where trying to get out on their own. I have always been independent and that has been lonely at times feeling like when I was down on my luck I had to struggle on my own while my sister had a lot handed to her, even now, she has tons of support. I am a new mom and have another on the way but most of the time it is just me my hubby and my son and most of the time I am okay with that. She needs the help and support and I get stuck going at it alone because I CAN. Not everyone can make it like you and I some people need to have their hand held does not make them weak or treated better. It just makes them human.

I know it sucks and seems unfair you cannot blame your sister it's not her fault either. My sister and had to put aside the whole competing thing we are different people she has a different relationship with the rest of my family they see her and call her more than they do me. It's not a better relationship it's just different. You have to come to terms with the fact that it's just different.  I could spend more time with the rest of the family but I like doing my own thing too.

Say the rest of the family came to spend more time with you and talked to you on the phone more would that make it better? Maybe but probably not cause that is not the issue here. Think about it what's really bothering you.? Jealousy is tricky because it's not about what the other person has and it has nothing to do with the other person. Think about what you would like your life to look like.  Family over more, to get married, to have kids to have more friends? Then go after it. There's nothing wrong with wanting what other people have, there IS something wrong with faulting another person because of what they have.

Answer 5

think of it this way , maybe they feel that you are more independent and do not need as much direction as the other sibling.

Answer 6

Most parents don't treat the youngest better. Everyone has different personalities, wants, need and relationships are different simply based on that. Your sister is married with children and your parents may feel they need the bond with their grnadchildren, they may feel your sister needs help with the children or they may simply feel you can handle things without them. Its isnt being treated better its being treated different. My sister is 5 years younger than me and planning her wedding. So my parents free time is currently spent helping with wedding prep. She gets financial help from my parents because she needs it. Neither me nor my brothers do. My youngest brother is somebody who needs constant contact so my parents spend time with his family camping, fishing, or barbequeing at his home. And my family needs help with babysitting. My parents can often be found with atleast one of my children in tow. They watch my children on a regular basis so I can have a break or take my husband to doctors appointments. My point is that everyone needs something different. Instead of focusing on what your sister needs and gets try focusing on what you get from your parents.