Why Am I The One That Needs To Apologize?

Question

Me and my mom have been constantly bickering for the past few weeks. I've had an attitude, I'll admit it. And everything came to head yesterday. Something else is going on with my mom but she refuses to say anything and instead has been blowing up at me for nothing. Now, when I mean nothing, I mean: nothing. My mom started yelling at me telling me I was useless because I cut a block of cheese into 4 "unequal" parts (barely, it was getting grated anyway, who cares?). Okay, I'm a teenager. I have an attitude. I can be a b*tch. But so can my mother. (though she thinks she does no wrong, it's not her it's me.)

So she was calling me a b*tch several times a day for the past few weeks. Then, yesterday, she yelled that she was going to kill me and if she sees my face downstairs again she was going to kill me.

Then later she tells me; "You need to think of a way to apologize and mean it and explain what you're problem is."

Uh, are you joking? I had an attitude, yes. But is she going to apologize for yelling that she was going to kill me? No. So why am I the one who was in the wrong?

Lord help me if I try to say any of this to her because she'll just freak out again.

What should I do? Can anyone explain this?

Answer 1

I think you need to do your level best to be as respectful as you can to your mother right now.  

Answer 2

you don't need to know your parents problem cause it really it doesn't concern you and I think both of you need to apologize for what you and your mom said to one another  

Answer 3

If you have a attitude which you admitted you did  then just   swallow your pride and apologize for your actions/words only and say exactly what you are sorry for ...then add I am really sorry  you feel you have to call me names like B***H and that you want to kill me ( she really doesnt ) but she is frustrated and cant help herself either ..she has lost self control..adults make mistakes too..You two can have a really good relationship if you just

1.stop and LISTEN to one another

2. do not interrupt the other person

3. let the person who is talking finish

4.end each conversation with  a thanks

go apologize for your behavior - ask a family member to talk to your mom to find out what is wrong/ bothering her

Answer 4

I'm Sure You Both Said Things To Each Other In The Heat Of The Argument That You Didnt Mean So You Both Need To Apologize, And As Far As Whats Bothering Your Mother - Let Her Work That Out.  

Answer 5

This is what I think.  I have a mother who thinks she is never wrong too and who I have been appologizing to all my life when I didn't mean it.  

Since you are a minor, doing what you need to do to cope until you are old enough to leave and be on your own is very good advice.  I am an adult with my own home and family and some things never change.  Now that I am an adult I can choose not to see my mother a lot, I can choose not to appologize if I don't mean it, I have options.  

I just read this book that spoke volumes to me.  It has a lot of stratagies for dealing with people who are manipulative and who use emotional blackmail to get their way.  I am not in your shoes first hand but it sounds to me like you might be dealing with some of this.  

The book is called "Emotional Blackmail", it is by Susan Forward and it is seriously one the best book I've read on this kind of thing.  My advice, just do what you need to do to keep her appeased and then get out as soon as you can.  

I'm sorry you are going through this, it's so hard.  I hope things get better.