Why Cant I Talk To My Gf About this? :(

Question

well, me and my gf have been going out for 1 year and 6 months and we've been sexually active, but i cant find my self to finish when she gives me a bj, like i got from other answers, that i have to tell her what i like, but ive tryed when she was doing but, i just cant get the nerve to talk about s*x with her, whats wrong with me and what can i do?

Answer 1

There's nothing wrong with not being able to finish. Maybe oral s*x is not your thing. Maybe she doesn't know how to hit your right spot (not that I'm knocking her abilities). Or maybe you're just putting too much pressure on yourself to "finish" with a bj.

s*x (be it conventional or oral) should be fun; not something you dread (as indicated by your little frowny face). Stop torturing yourself. The more you pressure yourself or worry about this, the harder it will be for you to "finish".

Just enjoy each other and this wonderful expression of sexual release. If oral isn't doing it for you, just tell her. I'm sure she'll understand. Remember : communication is a two way street.

Make sure you're doing YOUR part.

Answer 2

if u can have s*x, then u can talk about s*x... just spit it out there one day without thinking and then you'll have no choice but to explain yourself..... and probably a good time to talk is rite after u dont finish... and maybe bj's just aren't ur thing, and you just don't realize it...

Answer 3

Easily dude, when shes giving you a bj, and when you're building up just tell her to use her hands to finish you off.

Answer 4

Well it could be her technique, or oral just doesn't work for you.  I wouldn't beat yourself up about it, no pun intended.  But I have heard this complaint from many guys.  My guess is it is more about how the motion. (and sensation itself) is different from s*x.  So although it might feel good, it isn't enough to finish the job.  Once you start having s*x you will realize certain positions are easier to reach o****m, so when doing oral you could also try lying down, standing up, etc and see if that works any better.

Answer 5

The reason some people have amazing sexual partners is because they talk to each other about what they like and don't like. Maybe if you open up to her, she'll tell you something she likes. It'll be like a trade, and your nights would be so much more amazing!!!

Answer 6

Well talking about s*x is sometimes difficult. You are not the only guy in the world who has this difficulty so there isnt anything "wrong" with you.

Some girls are just not good at it.. for sure. For instance, I think the person doing the oral really has to be enjoying themselves before I'm enjoying myself. If not, I don't even get close to finishing. It's like I'm not turned on, if they aren't turned on.. and I think a bloke can sense it.

Anyway.... not finishing in a bj is no great loss... you can always do other stuff you know... there's plenty of horn dog things to do besides finishing in someone's mouth... so get inventive!

Answer 7

i can almost never come from getting a bj either.  there are LOTS of guys who can't.  i think its cause we are too good at getting ourselves off so bjs (although they feel amazing) are just not intense enough to get the job done.

Answer 8

You're probably just uncomfortable discussing it.

I would ask her broad questions first. Like oh, how do you feel about ________ ;s*x

and then narrow it down and tell her whats on your mind.

take deep breaths and relax. nothings wrong with you, its just a strange topic to just be bringing up.

Answer 9

You are afraid that if you say something to her, she will look at you as if you are some kind of pervert and ask you to leave.

This is what you say.

"Clarisse, having s*x with you is wonderful, but I need to talk to you about things. Things about s*x. it's nothing scary or horrible, but we need to talk."

With her feeling safe, now you can tell her what is on your mind

Answer 10

Confidence is a good thing to have.

Answer 11

maybe you appriciate her more than you think. because talking about that is ALWAYS awkward. Maybe you should just say it and if she's like "WHat?! Why would you ask that?" just say you were curious and look cute.

Works on mee!

Answer 12

You're having the same problem I had. Try building it up, talk to her about how you two are and eventually tell her. I don't think girls can do the time and movement needed with their neck muscles before they strain. Ask her to finish you off with masturbation or something. If you tell her and she takes it well then it will be a huge weight lifted off your chest.

Answer 13

start the approach with.. hey what do you like best about my oral?

                                   what would you like add to the experience?

then you can make your own " experimental suggestions" with further conversation.past that you could just picture someone new each time

        

Answer 14

your relationship im sure it wont affect anything just ask her and see her reposnse

Answer 15

Why not start the conversation by asking what she likes? Its more awkward thinking about talking about it than actually talking...

Answer 16

She is ur gf so she should understand if u tell her..otherwise she shouldn't be ur gf...tell her...express ur feelings n the things u like...u'll b a happier person once u tell her n u'll get it off ur chest n b like I should of did this awile go..best of luck man:)  

Answer 17

You just gotta bring it up. There's no easy way.

If she seems uneasy then don't talk about it, but I doubt she will.

She's your girlfriend, and she should try to make you happy.

And I don't mean that in a S****y way... lol

Answer 18

You need to use a practice I call creative vizualization. Picture yourself talking to her about your trouble unleashing that creamy monster in her tight little throat, and it'll be much easier. Understand that she's probably having the same problem (I mean, heh, how many guys can really please their women?)  

Answer 19

Well you got to get over it and be able to feel comfortable to talk to her about it, otherwise she will never know what you like and she may get discouraged.  So just tell her, she won't get upset.  My boyfriend and I tell each other what we enjoy so it all gets done right :)

Answer 20

Do you lack of self esteem?Or is any talk about s*x out of the question.

You need to learn to communicate,since this gives no results.

Play it the other way around:ask her what she likes.

Then tell her what you like.

How hard can that be?

For crying out loud:you are dating 18 months already.

Go communicate.