Why I have a hard time with adoption..?

Question

I have a hard time with adoption. Mainly cause I lived with my ex boyfriend parents when I was pregnant and 16. they adopted 3 girls that where sisters 13, 10, 3.

Which wasn't true both of the older girls couldnt do anything. they had to stay in there room until 10am or 12pm... Did school work *they where home schooled" Do chores *which was more then normal* work outside then get ready and go to bed. and for no real reason (they looked at her wrong or something stupid) she'd hit them with the small leather strap

Anyways the 10 year old decides she'll stall on her school work (she was dislexic anyways) and it made the mother mad. and she went to hit the girl and she actually hit her back. So she put her in a mental instute and still gets the money for her. she did the same thing to the 13 year old too. (after I was gone)

It wouldn't have been has hard but the mothers birth kids get away with murder (stealing having s*x being lazy even kicking)

and i heard it happens alot

Answer 1

I don't know what your question is but unfortunately we usually only hear about the bad adoption cases when there is a whole lot more good cases out there.

Answer 2

I am an adopted child and my olser sister was also adopted. We did not come from the same birth mother. we are only 4 years apart. and we have 2 brothers that our adoptive parents ended up having. Adoption Abuse happens in any form, but it does always happen. Even if the parents don't think they are doing it they are. I was the most hard working in my family. I went to school, went to college, played sports, held jobs, and now am about to be a State Trooper. My brothers both got kicked out of high school and one of them hase 6 drug charges. I am married and live on my own and take care of my family. My brothers live off my parents who pay thier rent and buy them cars. I have always been treated different from my brothers. My dad has a very bad temper and hits when he gets mad. He would always hit me. But when he went to hit my brothers. My mom would stop him. I ended up just fine I am a great person. But I do think I was treated different then thier real kids because I was adopted and not really a part of them. And that happens in every adoption case. My advice. Get to know the people you are giving your child to and be a part of the childs life. That way you can keep an eye on everything and step in if need be.

Answer 3

Your question is not easy to read. Are you saying you have a hard time with the adoption process...that you do not believe in it because of this woman? Are you considering giving your child up for adoption?

I can't imagine all parents are like this. Obviously your are not in a June Cleaver house. However, there are healthy families out there.

Answer 4

I think abuse happens in all types of families.  I know many adoptive parents who do not abuse, and who treat adopted children the same as bio children.  

I also know that the extensive process we had to go through to be approved, well these are things they check out, at least in my province, but I guess those can slep through the cracks.

Your analogy though "this is why I have a hard time with adoption", well if I know (and as a foster parent yes I do know) biological parent who beat their childre, could I think say "I have a hard time with bio parents"  The answer is no, each case needs to be viewed individually.

Answer 5

I get what you're saying--that adoption is portrayed as wonderful, and you're witnessing something very different.

Adopted kids are abused at higher rates than children in intact biological homes, at rates similar to step-families.  The one you're talking about sounds extreme.  I'm sorry those children are not valued (except for their housework) by thir adoptive mother.

I grew up in a home where my adoptive mother had a whole set of rules for me and my adoptive brother, and another for her bio kids.

I think you ought to try and keep your baby.  Here are some sites that might help you.  Good luck.

http://www.nancyverrier.com/pos.php

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org

http://www.origins-usa.org

A study of adoption:

http://www.angelfire.com/or/originsnsw/w...

Answer 6

what is your question?

Answer 7

As an adoptive mom who is very close with her dd.....I am afriad of the opposite. We are ttc and I worry about not being able to bond with a biologicall child. It is my ultimate fear.....and until you have been in my shoes you would not understand.

We school at home and dd has chores too.

She doesn't stay in her room....lol  We have a classroom / playroom for her.

We do so many things associated with school....last year we

went to Disney and spent an entire day at the Living Seas and the Land Pavillion (Epcot) learning about her science lessons. We went to the museum to see an exhibit on King Tut.  We traveled to New York to the American Girl store for her first doll. While there we went to see the Tenement Museum and the Natural History Museum.  Please know that not all adoptive familes are abusive.....we actually do love our children unconditionally.

But beating your kids with a leather strap...that's abusive!

Taking away tv for the day.....now that's a punishment.  

Unfortunately abuse happens in all kinds of familes.

Good Luck to you in whatever you decide.....but please do not place your child for adoption because your being pressured!  This is YOUR decision, not your well meaning grandmother.

Answer 8

Ahem...you said your ex-boyfriend was your husband in your other questions and that you are pregnant again. What exactly is your question?

Answer 9

for every one bad adoption story there are hundreds if not thousands of great adoption stories.

The authorities need to be more strict on who adopts kids.

If something is found wrong like the situation you describe, then the adoptive kids AND the bio kids should be taken away and the parents banned from contact.

Maybe you need to have a bit of councelling and get this out of your system.

good luck.

EDIT.... Abuse can happen to ANYONE, being adopted doesn't stand alone as a criteria. Its a sad and cruel world where more needs to be done to protect the abused and punish the abusers.

Answer 10

'Still gets the money for her'?  Surely you are talking about fostering and not adoption.  They are both completely different but both require LOVE.  Have you made a mistake here?  In any case Social Services should take an interest if this si reported to them.

Answer 11

sad story ...............authorities should know about this and jail the swine for cruelty to children

Answer 12

First of all you should report this to social services now!

Abuse happens.  I was not adopted but was severly abused by my "parents".  I am also an adoptive mom i would never harm any of my children.  I am close to many adoptive parents who are awesome parents.  Its wrong to generalize about a group of people based on the actions of a few.

You know how to stop abuse, report it.

Answer 13

I don't think you should give up your baby sweetie... I'm sure your Grandmother has valid reasons, and yeah it'll be really really hard on your own... But surely one day you'll be able to look back with pride happy that you didn't??

As far as that scenario you just described, that kind of abuse happens in all types of different family situations behind closed doors, not just with adopted kids, but fosters and even biological families...

Hopefully the authorities step in when this happens, the hard part is having the courage to come forward and speak up...

xCx

Answer 14

My dear girl, what can I say.   I am the mother of five adopted babies, from birth.  They are now adults.  All five are interracial and I and my husband are white.   These wonderful sons and daughters, now have children of their own and all are well adjusted, happy children/

I loved my children from the moment I laid eyes on them.

It was the best time of my life.  My five children were happy and content.  They had good marks in school and did all kinds of extra curriculum, like basketball, football, dancing, soccer.  

I realize that some adopted children did not have a good experience, but there are those, like my children, that considered their lives wonderful filled with love and tears.

We never raised our hands to our children.  I do not agree with spanking of any kind.  We never told them off for their marks at school, we never shouted at them.

There are always negative stories, but there  are always good stories as well.  

Mother of six (I had my only pregnancy at aged 44) and grandmother of 7 beautiful, wonderful grandchildren.

Answer 15

This is exactly what scares me about my grandson. I really think that after over 2years of fighting and now with my son getting visitation that the couple would give the child back also since now that she is expecting (which in court she stated that she couldn't have children). But what if they are keeping him because they don't want to look bad in front of their church.

    Just how are going to treat my grandson after the baby comes. How is their baby going to feel when the child gets older(and my son loses the appeal) and sees that her brother has 2 fathers and is real special? But is this going to be a messed up family.

  I hear horror story's all the times. Funny thing is that I'm not against adoption but just for adoption  done right.

Answer 16

19 with two kids?  time to think about birth control.

also Sunny -- at least a couple of times I have heard you make statements that adoptive parents are more abusive than birthfamilies -- where are your stats to support this comment?

also, the kids that are in foster care due to abuse and neglect -- how many of those come from their birthfamilies and not adoptive families.

you make some very inflammatory statements when you say that adoptive parents are more abusive than natural parents.  Please make sure you have facts and reliable stats to back up this comment.

Answer 17

What you have to realize is that you saw an adoptive parent that should not have been able to adopt.  There are some birth parents who behave the same way to their biological children.  There are no guarantees in life.  Just because adoption agencies screen their potential adoptive parents doesn't mean they will be good parents.  It's sad to think that they took children in to mentally abuse them.  Another thing you have to realize is that everything that you heard out of the mouth of these kids, might not have been the truth.  Kid's who are upset can be very convincing.  I have adopted children and have treated them like my other biological children.  People who meet us often say that they cannot tell which are adopted and which are biological.  I have heard some very wonderful stories of adoptees and the lives they lived after being adopted.  Ultimately the choice is yours.  Can you take care of your child?  If you can't than consider giving your child to a loving family!

Answer 18

kiddo u need o go back to bed

Answer 19

As I mother of an amazing little boy (mine biologically) who would very much like to adopt a baby in the near future I would just like to say that there are so many loving, intelligent, responsible, wonderful parents out there who could and would love to give your baby a wonderful life.  If you at all think you are not ready/capable of devoting your life fully to your child, you should look into the many reputable options for an adoption that you can feel good about.  Nothing is more important than a child growing up in a nurturing and loving environment.

Answer 20

If you see what CAN happen then that alone would stop me from making the decision to do it

If you can provide your baby with a safe place to live comfortably than do so... don't just do it because someone told you too!

It's your child, the best place for him/her to be is with you, the mother!

Answer 21

lol, its funnny how you respond to each criticism. keep your baby, adoptions are very throurough and the sort of abuse your talking about must be very rare, if you know anyone doing this report them anonymously, but usually they go to good homes, and there are check up even afte the cilds adopted o make sure nothing funny happens. But if you give up your baby, you'll be robbed of motherhood.