Why Won't He Propose?

Question

We've been together for 2 1/2 years. We are very happy together, but when I've brought up engagement he says he doesn't want to be rushed (Im 30 and he's in the late 30s), but that he will do it. We looked at engagement rings a year ago, but still no proposal. I have an opportunity to go to grad school out-of-state, but am not jumping on it in case he proposes. I'd prefer to be here with him, but I don't want to wait another year, lose the grad school opportunity and then find out he wasn't going to propose. My parents are upset about it too. Should I just say that I'm going to grad school at the end of the year and see if that hurries him to keep me around? What should I do?

Answer 1

I think you need to tell him exactly what you just told us. Be upfront about it- you obviously have a lot at stake. Tell him that you want to go to Grad school, but aren't sure if you would risk losing the relationship. And if you stay, you aren't sure if he will continue or take the relationship to the next level you feel you want. I've been with my boyfriend for two years and it's definitely something that needs to be discussed at least. Also, before you, did he have a bad break-up, divorce, tragedy? That might be holding him back. Maybe he needs to know that you are really in it for the long run unless he doesn't want you to be.

Answer 2

My fiance and I were together 5.5 years before he proposed and it drove me nuts. He also took me to see rings and then a few months later would tell me if 'just wasn't ready' my emotions got screwed with A LOT.

I was also in a similar situation where I was considering joining the Military, I needed him to marry me if he wanted to continue to be able to afford our home (rented apartment) no go.

I decided NOT to join the military until we got married (at least, he doesn't like the idea of the military, but I do)

We are now planning our wedding, finally.

Talk to him openly about it, don't hold back anything.  

Answer 3

GO TO GRAD SCHOOL!

Answer 4

You need to take care of your life and career goals first.  Go to graduate school, you will thank yourself in the end, whether you end up marrying this guy or not.  If you feel like you haven't pursued your own goals, you will end up feeling unfulfilled and possibly blame him, even if you don't end up together.

As for him not proposing - maybe he doesn't want to get married at all and is just stringing you along for some reason.  If you've been together that long and he obviously knows you want to get married and he's that old and doesn't seem at all interested in it, then chances are he's telling you what you want to hear in order to keep you around.  Sorry if that's harsh, but it's a major possibility here.  Give it to him straight - tell him that you are going to graduate school (and do it!), and that you want to have a married life with him, but if he's not going to commit to that then you both need to think about whether or not to continue the relationship at all.  Can't guarantee that you'll get what you think you want from him, but at least it'll get you out of limbo.  If he still hems and haws and is reluctant to commit, then you need to consider breaking up with him.

You also need to ask yourself how many years of your life you're going to put into a relationship that is going nowhere - at what point will you decide you've waited long enough and you're not going to wait anymore, and you're going to go do what you need to do and then find someone who is willing to give you what you want.

Answer 5

I would go to school and see if he follows.  

Answer 6

Sweetie, you are 30 and not getting any younger. It is time to consider that maybe he doesn't want to marry you. I am sorry, that may hurt, but the fact of the matter is that he is in his late 30s and by his age, he should know what he wants.

I think you need to go on to graduate school and do your own thing. You can't ruin your life because you are waiting for him to propose.

Answer 7

Marriage must be atleast  in this year only and not go beyond 30.

Better your parents tell the guy and if further delayed they will fix another guy, then  he might hurry up.

Answer 8

Listen go to grad school. If it's meant to be you two will still be together when you are done. I dated my fiance for five years and for 4 1/2 years it was long distance due to college and we made it, so can you. NEVER EVER put education on a back burner, if he proposes great but please go to grad school. You will regret it the rest of your life if you don't and as horrible as this sounds marriage is never 100% guaranteed but your education is. The US has over a 50% divorce rate and let me tell you all the people who got divorced thought they found the one too. If he's the one you going to grad school won't change that but you will gain something that will last you a lifetime guaranteed. And if you two don't make it maybe the one is at your grad school...and by turning it down you missed him. Besides if he loved you he would WANT you to go and WANT you to expand your mind and better yourself. My fiancee was tempted to drop out of college to come back to the city I was in but we stuck it out, visited on holidays and now we're going to be married when we have our degrees.

Answer 9

Just go to grad school. Get on with your life. Don't give him an ultimatum.

Answer 10

you asked  in another question if writing would be a good path for you. this sense of not being on the right career, life, path might be the exact reason this guy is leery of you.  

at 30 you are now going back to school.  my guess, not knowing anything but your question, is that he thinks you are not a serious, focused person.  not a good bet for a life partner.  

not a vote against you, just a guess.  

Answer 11

Move on, you need to do what's good for you!  Go to Grad School, you may met "the one" at Grad School!!

Answer 12

Go to grad school.  He can follow you, or he can wait for you where he is.  But stop putting your life on hold.

Has he ever been married before?  If not, whatever makes you think he's honestly willing to get married?  Men who make it to their late 30s as single men are pretty unwilling to give up single life for a ring and a wife and a dog and 2.1 kids and the picket fence and the minivan.  And if he HAS been married before, maybe you don't know the whole story or the real story behind his divorce.  

You can't MAKE him propose.  You can't MAKE him want to marry you.  And you can't MAKE him be happy if he marries you because you insist or throw a tantrum or whatever.  Go get that graduate degree while you can.  If he doesn't follow you or wait for you, then he would never have married you even if you stayed.  

Answer 13

Don't stop yourself from doing what you want with your life just in case he proposes.  You can still get engaged if your living in different states.  You'll just have to do the long distance thing for a while.

He will propose when he's ready.  Don't push him.

Answer 14

Why don't you ask him!