Why all the abuse aimed towards working mothers?

Question

Wow this is in reference to a question that was just asked. One person claimed that children of sahms are "more intelligent and healthy". Another person claimed that women who work "know deep down that they SHOULD stay home" and yet another person stated that "working mothers don't work nearly as hard as sahms". Where does this ignorance come from? Working moms do what they have to do to keep their families with food and shelter. They work hard all day, then come home and try to cram the evening with regular housewife duties (errands, shopping, playing with the kids, laundry, etc.). Working moms DO work hard and deserve some respect.

I'm a single woman who works hard.....if I didn't, I would have no place to live, no car, no food, and my child would definitely be worse off.

I don't judge sahms, if they can afford to do so financially. But there is no reason to attack working mothers who are just trying to keep food on the table. We deserve respect for our sacrifices.

Answer 1

I think almost all moms feel guilty and society tells us that guilt stems from their choice (or not as the case may be) to work or not. I believe SAHMs if their staying home is a sacrifice wonder sometimes if they should be doing more to contribute to their children`s future education and the family`s savings etc.

Working moms wonder if their kids are suffering during times someone else cares for them.

My husband and I were only halfway through college when our 15 year old was born. We lived VERY frugally in married student housing on my college fund and school loans and grants and my husband`s work delivering pizzas. We arranged our schedules during the day so that one of us was always home with D when he was a young infant. The next year we could not get our schedules so arranged so we did hire another mom in the complex who had a daycare to watch him as a fill in when we both had to be gone.  I graduated when he was 15 months old and started working full time for lawyers.

I agree there is no reason to attack working moms. I have been in all three camps -- working mom; SAHM (though that was mostly when I was ill/unemployed); work from home mom.   I was a full time working mom when my older kids (15 and 12) were young. I went back to work TWO WEEKS after my daughter was born because the childless lawyer I worked for kept calling me asking when I would be back and I got sick of it.

Luckily we had a relative who could come and stay with our daughter and my husband was still going to college/grad school so he had more time at home. But she went to daycare along with her brother when she was about four months old.  

I worked more or less full time until she was in kindergarten and only then after a small inheritance was I in a financial position to stay home. Since then due to my husband`s employment loss etc. we are not actually in a position for me to be a SAHM but freelance writing from home is the only way we can balance work and family we have found.

Obviously I suffered more than my daughter did. She is 12 and reads at a college level. She scored the highest on the math olympiad than anyone in our district EVER. I would pit her ITBS score against ANYONE`s.  Wanna go double or nothing? What did your sixth grader get on the EIGHTH GRADE test?

Not talking trash to you -- only to sanctimonious moms who say full time SAHM is the only way.

When my five year old son was a baby I went back to work at a great career. After my experiences with daycares with my older kids I knew I was not sending him there. I did what I thought was right and hired a sitter to come to my home -- drive my older children to school -- and spend her days caring for my baby.  She brought her wayward fiance with her sometimes which did not thrill me but thank God she did -- he told me he had caught her trying to suffocate our baby and from then on never left her alone with him. He was afraid to blow the whistle at the time because he lived with her and she abused him and took his disability money but when he was able to get away from her (and I had fired her by this time for stealing some of my pots and pans) he told us.

I had done my due diligence calling past daycares she had worked for etc. and had NO WAY of knowing she was dangerous.

After that I was not going to have full time work after that. My youngest has been in a couple of group daycares that benefitted him and this past year he went to pre-k at our school district which he LOVED.

So...nope. Moms can work or not work. Send to daycares or have in-home sitters. My kids are living proof that it absolutely makes no difference. My oldest had the most involvement with both parents as an infant and he is socially backward and autistic. My daughter had the most not-mother-care as a young one and is the best and brightest student in her school and has lovely friends. Our son`s gifts remain to be seen but he is certainly happy and loving.

All the supposed studies are c**p and my kids are living proof.

Answer 2

You are right, I am a SAHM, but i am amazed by women like you. I feel like I can barely do it when I am here all the time, I have no clue how you do it! It's like you guys are super women or something!! Dont let people get you down, you know you are doing your best and thats all that matters

Answer 3

I'd go on Welfare before I let someone else play mommy to my child ..I didnt have children to have someone else influence them and raise them. No money in the world could make me leave my child and go to work. I'd rather be poor than have my kid at risk..or to miss out on their developmental stages

Answer 4

There's no problem with working, most people would rather be at home..but it's not a perfect world...I am a sahm, but I don't look down on the working Moms..  if you have to you have to.  We both work hard!

Answer 5

SAHM's work too, a 24/7 job.....but to answer the question many people still believe in old family values of mom staying home with the kids really i think we just do what feels right for us.  I love being a SAHM but it isn't for everybody.  I know some SAHD's too that love it but it is just depends on each person.  I have many family members that all say they love their children but could never be home all the time with them and many that can't make the choice anyways due to financial reasons.    I just don't think moms or even dads should be working long hours like some do, the money will never replace the time you can spend with your children.  My mom worked hard raising me and she would work 40-50 hrs a week and many times I would get sent home sick from school just because i wanted time with her.

Answer 6

This issue isn't black or white, its not what is better SAHM's or working mom's.  The truth is a balance between the 2.  You do the best you can with what you've got.  It is not good for SAHM's to be continually stressed with no break from the kids, and it is not good for working mom's to drop the kid off at opening and pick up at closing everyday then put them to bed.

What all mom's need to do whether they choose/have to stay at home or choose/have to to work is to spend quality time with the kids and raise them to the best of your ability.

Answer 7

The only working moms who don't work hard would be the ones who can afford full time help. working moms work all day and then come home to a husband who sits and reads the paper while she does the cooking, cleaning, dishwashing, childcare, helping with homework, etc., etc., etc.

This whole issue comes and goes with switches back and forth in public attitudes. When I was a child in the 40's and 50's, all moms stayed home. When I was raising my kids, a sahm was looked down on because she was not living up to her potential. Then it swung the other way with more respect for the sahm and the working mom was neglecting her kids some how.

My two daughters work long hours and still provide guidance and love for their boys. I preferred to stay at home but wasn't able to financially. They prefer to work and want both worlds.

Answer 8

I praise working moms because its a hard job,I've done it before but since they were difficulties at home with the conflicting work schedule with me and hubby I had to quit my job. So I know how it is in both positions and honestly there was no difference in my chidren when I was working as opposed to when I was not. The only thing I hated when working was HAVING to cram everything in,in those few hours after work and before sleep(if I got any that night) and the fact that I was used to being with my baies all day and working kind of made me depressed. But in no way shape or form would i EVER bash a working mom. Most people do not have the luxury and security to stay at home with their chidren all day long. Even if you are married most people can not survive off of 1 income. And honestly people who bash working moms seriously NEED TO GET A d**n LIFE! Why would someone bash a working mom who is just tryin to have food,and shelter for their chidren..if anything with all this BS preaching on this site you would think that everyone on here would PRAISE working moms because thatis exactly what they are complaining about to everyone else "You need an income,you need education,you need to be married blah blah blah" If that is their case then why in the h**l are they downing working moms when that is all they are doing is tryin to provide a life for their chidren the only way they can!!! I am currently pregnant with my 3rd daughter and after she is born I will HAVE to go back to work because 3 daughters and living off of my hubby's salary is not going to cut it...He can pay all the bills and mortgage and we still have a bit of money for play but that is stressful for him(even tho he won't admit it I know it is) and I do not want that for him so I am helping out and going back to work,he said I didn't have to but I think it is my duty to go back to work and help out,and plus I've done it before so I know I can do it again and still get all the housework and whatnot done afterwards.

All in all people need to realize that not everyone has husbands that make tons of money so others can sit on their asses all day and do nothing and go shopping when they want and not have to worry about the bills being paid,etc... Most people have to work and earn for what they have and get!(this is directed ONLY towards the people bashing working moms because I know its hard being a sshm too I am one right now)

These people need to grow up and realize that not everyone's life turns out like the fairy tales...sometimes Prince Charming either isnt there or can not bring home enough money for afamily to live on. Sometimes we have to be our own superman!

Answer 9

It goes both ways.  There are just as many opinionated people on the topic of SAHM's as there are on working mom's.  I get negative comments all the time because I'm a SAHM even though I've also been a working mom.  I've learned to ignore people like that and thank my lucky stars that I don't know anyone like that in 'real life'.  They are entitled to their opinions and its much easier to voice those opinions when you are practically anonymous on this page.  I'm sorry you found a question that was so offensive and negative.  Just ignore people's ignorance.

Answer 10

i would LOVE to be able to stay at home with my child fulltime.  i think it's a shame that mom's who have the choice pass judgement onto mothers who don't, and vice versa.  motherhood is difficult enough without having other mothers constantly judging you for your choices.

my husband and i don't have anything fancy, we don't own our house, we have hand-me-down furniture and a **** load of student loans to pay.  so no, even with our two incomes, we can't afford to have one of us stay home with our daughter. with today's economy, cost of housing and health insurance, as well as the price of gas it is very difficult to live off of one income (comfortably) unless that person is making at least $100,000/year.  this also depends on where people live.  i live in CA, one of the most expensive states.  i would love to move out of state but then i risk seeing less of my family and my child not knowing her grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.  i feel more sad then guilty to not be able to stay at home with my daughter because i love spending time with her.  i try to take a few days off every month so that i can have a little extra time with her than just the week nights and weekends.  

also, she attends pre-school while we are working.  pre-school is actually helpful for small children's development because they provide activities and structure for the child.  the preschool staff discipline her based on my requests. not to mention, my daughter is very social and when she is at home with just me she gets quite bored.  

i have to say, having only one child, when i stay at home it is less stressful for me then having to work and care for my child.  i'm sure the more children moms have, the more chaotic it is.  so really, i would love to stay home with her because then there would actually be 5 minutes in the day for myself, or even my husband for that matter.

what it comes down to is that as long as your child has bonded with you well and you be sure to give as much attention and quality time to your child then he/she will turn out just fine.