Why am I and others considered anti ~ adoption?

Question

I believe in adoption reform. I know that adoption is a necessity. I just want to make it about the child. I want the adoption industry out of our lives. I want us to be able to control our destiny. I want our choices returned to us. If an adoptee is happy and doesn't want to search, I am fine with that. I don't want a prospective adoptive parent ripped off because they want a child. If an adoptive parent chooses an open adoption, I don't want an adoption agency telling them how to do it. I want adoption to be free from coercion and lies. I want to remove the myths and lies that the adoption industry. How does all of this make me anti~adoption?

Answer 1

our feelings are very similar, you know this.

Some like to label us as anti-adoption because the energy associated with that is negetive in first digestion. So if they can get them to think we're bad, then they'll have a better chance of having our real truths not heard.

its not working though.... to bad for them.

Answer 2

I'm right there with you on this.

I for one have never called anyone an infertile, baby snatching predator in my life (Who even talks like that?  Not me.). Nor have I ever told anyone that my truth is the only truth.  I've even said that I like my adoptive parents!

And yet I too have been painted as an "anti" a "n**i" and one who should be sterilized (too late on that anyway, I've already got kids, my evil genetics live on!  Mwah ha ha!!!).

It's funny to me that the ones spewing the most hatred here are the ones crying foul.

I've come to the conclusion that if some bully with obvious mental problems wants to call me and my kids names, they can go right ahead.  It really has no bearing on who I am and the people who know and love me.  

Seriously, don't let the haters get you down.  You know who you are and what you stand for.

And you can come to my ice cream social any day!

Answer 3

You aren't "anti-adoption". You just don't like how agencies do certain things.

Answer 4

I think you said it best in a previous answer (at least I think it was you) that you are pro-reform.  I agree with that.  As an adoptive mother, I do believe there is reform that is needed in the adoption process.  However, I do believe that adoption has come a long way in the last 20+ years.  It still has a way to go, but we are definitely in a better situation than we were 20 years ago.

I agree with you that reform is needed, but I somewhat disagree with you about removing the adoption industry altogether.  I believe that some "governing" system needs to be in place to insure the safety and well-being of our children.  If adoptive parents didn't have all of the steps to go through, there would be no guarantee that the adoptive home was safe.  There also would probably be more adoption scams out there where someone claims to be pregnant, etc.  So I do believe that there needs to be some system in place to protect our children.  

But none of what you said makes you anti-adoption, at least in my opinion.

Answer 5

Kids are irrational. Susceptible to bribes. "I'll give you $100 if you choose ME" "Ok"

Oo they'll pick the parent that'll let them do whatever they want.

Answer 6

Amyburt - you have taught me so much about what goes on in the adoption industry. Thank you for your voice. I see you as being an advocate for all adoptees past, present and future - speaking out to make adoption agencies, adoptive parents, relinquishing parents & society in general - to be more accountable for the worlds children.

Healing Adoptee - Amy wouldn't have given you the thumbs down - some others must disagree with you - so they thumbed you. Don't be disheartened. I appreciate your comments & your compassion when posting. And even though we had different adoption experiences - I think all should be told. Thanks for being here.

Answer 7

You just said two things that contradict themselves: one is that you want it to be "about the child." But then everything else you say focuses on the adoptive parents. Here is the problem: if you put all the responsibility into the hands of perspective parents, it is NOT about the children. It is about the parents and what THEY want. What THEY want is NOT necessarily what the child NEEDS. All parents are not created equal. I don't think that makes you anti-adoption, but you have to be careful what you wish for. What you are suggesting could EASILY result in children being adopted by unsuitable and potentially bad or abusive parents.

Answer 8

I have no idea how that makes you anti-adoption. Seems only someone with a s***w loose would think that.

But then again, I am supposedly anti-adoption too even though I've volunteered my time to work with adopted children. Go figure.

Answer 9

I think it's relatively simple really.  I don't think many people have a problem listening to others thoughts, feelings, opinions and truth.

I think some people may have a problem with being called infertile, baby snatching predators.

I think some adoptees have a problem being told that their truth isn't the 'right' truth, because it goes against the negative experiences others may have had.

Others still might not like hearing people say that they believe that their (adopted) child should have been aborted rather than adopted by them.

How does any of that make somebody anti-adoptee or an 'adoption zealot'?

Answer 10

I feel exactly how you do. Adoption has gone from being a way to ensure a child's safety to a way for big business to make money off of people's pain. Adoptive parents feel pain if they are choosing adoption due to infertility, natural mothers feel pain  from having to relinquish their child and adoptees feel pain from not having access to who they truly are.

Pain does not equal fluffy bunnies. There are, however, those who refuse to see the painful side of adoption, these are the people who see pro-reform as anti-adoption.

There are soooo many children who age out of foster care. Why is nobody asking how to adopt them? Why is nobody trying to save these kids? Why is everyone only interested in a healthy newborn if adoption truly is about changing a child's life for the  better???

I have only met one person here who took on the challenge of adopting through foster care. To her I am deeply moved by what she has done. To the adopters only looking for the perfect baby I feel little. To the adoptees of adopters looking to end their fertility issues without dealing with them I feel sorrow. To the natural moms who are secure in their choice I feel glad, not everyone was allowed to make the choice. To the people who see me as anti-adoption I feel sorry. Apparently their reading comprehension skills haven't surpassed a mid primary school level.

Answer 11

I don't think you are anti-adoption. I feel the same as you. I want reforms in adoption, so what is best for the child is what takes place.

--------------------------------------... look, because i said you are not anti-adoption and i agree w/ you that reforms are needed i got a thumbs down. Oh, well i guess that is the way it goes.

Answer 12

It costs a lot because there is a ton of paperwork, legal fee's, court fees, counseling fees, the Dept. of Child Welfare has to go interview the Birth Mother to make sure she isn't being forced into it, medical care, post court cost, payroll for all these people, and the Adoptive parents have to have an attorney on retainer that specializes in this field.....

You do not know what your talking about my dear.....

I AM a Birth Mother, who is VERY good friends with the Adoptive parents, I've know her all her life, and we've celebrated holidays, and have had get togethers etc.

There is a whole process that both sides have to go through, to protect ALL involved...

So do more research, you don't know what your talking about!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 13

You aren't anti anything...just sound young and naive about the reason's why people relinquish their children and the costs for all those involved.  Read up, investigate and then lets discuss.....

Answer 14

What you have stated here indicates that you are not anti-adoption but that you are pro-adoption reform. I think that's great. Having adopted from the foster care system, I don't know much about private adoption and the coercion that can take place with the birth mothers. I only know my story and my son's well enough to be able to comment on them. It frustrates me to see people on this board who lash out at anyone who has adopted. I know some adopted people have horrible stories and my heart goes out to them. But that doesn't mean that no one should be able to adopt and it doesn't mean that all adopted children are treated poorly. It's a crime that it happens at all. Glad to see that you're stating your true beliefs and standing up for yourself!